Anhedonia

Anhedonia

Anhedonia is a symptom of Depression that signifies a reduction in the ability to feel pleasure. As someone who's had this in worsening degrees over the past few years, I can't conclude other than that, in its worst form, it's a special kind of hell. Hopefully I can show why for those who aren't familiar.

Have you ever revisited something from your childhood, only to find it disappointing and lacking the original magic it had? That's sort of how Anhedonia is. All of the sudden, you might realize that reading books isn't as entertaining as it used to be, and in fact you wouldn't even care if they disappeared altogether. People go through many changes when they're young, you might think, and so you shrug it off and go back to watching anime or doing whatever else you really care about. When you've already found your hobby, everything else is superfluous. In that manner, you keep going. Occasionally you'll have another moment like the above (and be a little more nervous), but generally it's fine.

Eventually, however, it cracks. The websites you used to enjoy visiting mean absolutely nothing to you. Food doesn't taste as good. You may look around in panic at this point and realize that absolutely everything has vanished as well: Podcasts aren't entertaining, your favorite albums sound like nothing, and you're running out of hobbies to retreat to. Even obscure pleasures like the comfort of sitting down in a hot shower or the pleasant sound of falling rain do nothing. It's not that you're tired of them - it just doesn't make you feel anything. After that point, there is no escaping the emptiness. I avoid using the word "boredom" here because that implies some sense of vigor and potential satisfaction. It's just empty.

If you reach complete Anhedonia, you might as well not be human. The people around you are so completely different in what they do and feel that it's impossible to relate to them. In this state, your lack of potential to enjoy anything is so apparent that you can sense it within you. You may take up meditation, start exercising, eat better, and try something new, but it will have absolutely no effect. Thus, you pass most of your days mindlessly on the internet, just barely amused enough to do that instead of sleeping all day. Once in a while, it hits you that your life is horrible and there's nothing you can do about it. You may flail around in impotent rage; it doesn't matter. Tomorrow will be the exact same, and there is nothing you can do.

I have some experience with this condition. I do not have persistent (i.e. chronic) anhedonia, though. Rather, I frequently have otbursts where absolutely nothing seems pleasurable to me (it is simply impossible for me to enjoy any activity). In fact, in such moments it is painful for me to try to do anything, so I just lay in bed doing nothing and avoid getting out like the plague.

Yes I know it well. I've come to the point where I do nothing, because I enjoy nothing. I look back over the past months and have nothing to show for it. I don't enjoy wizchan at all even. I havent played games, watched films or tv in probably a whole year. I just go to some websites I hate sometimes, out of habit. Otherwise I do some work, even though im only employed for 7 hours/week. Then go back to staring at the walls. It's becoming impossible to continue living because I have nothing to motivate me to even perform body maintenance. I actually have a lot of money but there is nothing for me to do with it that will give me any satisfaction. This is why money does not necessarily equal happiness.

You don't.

You're never rested. You're always miserable, in a fog. You feel horrible all the time. You want to sleep, and you can't. Or you can and you feel yourself waking up choking at the instant your body starts to go to sleep, over and over again, all night long.

I can "sleep" eighteen straight hours and barely have the strength to roll out of bed, dress myself, and eat a peanut butter sandwich.

I keep browsing the same sites because that takes the least effort. Convincing myself to play a game or watch a series takes a tremendous amount of effort and might not even be fun in the end. It becomes a challenge to get through the day. The only thing to look forward to is sleep because it provides a temporary escape. Every now and then the motivation resurfaces only to disappear soon again.

Anhedonia is when your body refuses to take escapism any longer and instead pushes you on an unconscious level to do something in your life but because of your fucked up mental state and situation you cannot and therefore your mind is in eternal conflict with you, taking away the last pleasures you had.

I know this feeling all too well. It takes me months to finish a single game or anime. I just don't feel any pleasure while playing/watching them so I go back to wasting time on the internet.

It's absolutely hell, I wouldn't wish this upon the worst person in the world.

I feel likewise. I love anime and videogames so much, but I haven't watched anything in several months, and the games I like the most are the ones I play the least. It feels like I'm constantly postponing my own enjoyment. Subconsciously I must be telling myself "it will get better, there will be peace, wait until you get there so you can enjoy the things you like", or something along those lines, but consciously I know there will never be peace, never such a thing, not at least I die that is. I wouldn't go as far as saying this is anhedonia. That could be selfish to those who really have it. There are still things that are not painfully unbearable to me, like wizchan and being asleep. But even then, those aren't things I exactly enjoy. It's more of a neutral activity. Like breathing. It's just something I do and I'm glad because it's not painful unlike everything else.

The only obligation I feel I have now is to develop a coherent world-view, through philosophy or other means. Anhedonia destroyed my belief in art as something transcendent, and I can't help but view anything with aesthetic perfection as its goal in a depressing light. That sense of "I'm only doing this to occupy time 'til I'm dead" is too strong. There are too many important questions that I've shunned, and I feel I won't become a complete person until I have my own way to answer some of them. Otherwise, I'm just a bland receptacle for pleasure, and that deserves no respect. My mind is too foggy to truly progress in any of these topics right now, but if it's the only thing that matters, I have to do it eventually.

Sleep is a gift. I used to be like you when I was NEET. The feeling of staying up all night trying to fall asleep only to have your alarm go off before you even manage to even come close to falling asleep a little bit is terrible. Now consider doing that once or twice a week and on the other nights getting around 3 hours of sleep. If I could sleep a solid 8-10 hours a night without getting up it would make a world of difference to me.

Force yourself to get out of bed and do intense excercise a few times a week. Over time this might have the effect of creating a more ideal cortisol rhythm where your cortisol is high in the morning and drops down to its lowest before bed.

Many people tend to overestimate 'meaning'. There is no meaning other than the meaning that you allow and so it does not really make a difference if and what meaning you allow. You will still feel shit no matter what sort of principles you will apply to your life.

In fact you will most likely identify meaning according to your state of mind. When you feel good you will rather be an optimist and the other way around. Insights are shaped through your subjective and emotional perception of the moment in which you find it. It's rather pointless and a gamble to deal with philosophy especially if you do it for a sincere purpose. If you have anhedonia there is not even a chance to make practical use of any world view you might develop because putting your theory to action will still leave you in a state of dullness. That is how a materialistic universe works. You might try it though. I don't know enough about your situation to tell you that it's generally a bad idea.

I'm pretty sure you're right. That's actually something I've been debating for a while now, and your conclusion appears to be the most sensible answer. Philosophy is really no different from any other hobby that brings in massive amounts of pleasure in exchange for effort and time, like playing an instrument. Which is not to say that Philosophy is worthless, or any of its conclusions are wrong, but rather that for me currently it shouldn't be of much importance. Having a problem that virtually nothing can solve is very hard to cope with, and the urge to keep a constant look-out for any potential pleasure is one of many signs that our minds still can't accept the situation. Putting a lot of effort into one hobby tends to make things worse in the long run, since it's easy to develop some expectation of a reward and consequently feel devastated when nothing is different. It feels wrong to lurk forums all day passing time until you can see a doctor, but in truth that's likely the best option you've got.

That does not sound like it's serious anhedonia. If you have it, you don't only think that you have it. You will know that you have it when you go through it without any doubt. It is not question of what you think about certain things or what opinions you have form.

Instead you won't be able to enjoy anything and so you will start to feel isolated from the world as a whole while also not being able to enjoy yourself as well. So you will start to isolate from yourself then too. There is no reliable place (mental or physical) of granted pleasure so everything even existence itself becomes threatening or disgusting or just tiring.

My mind is blank and it's like I can't even be bothered to think anymore. I don't watch movies or listen to music anymore. I try to read news articles and threads on message boards but I can't get pas the first few paragraphs before I just close my tab because I can't be bothered to finish.

I can't be bothered to do anything. I eat the same thing thing everyday because food tastes all the same to me now.

I can't even bother to write a nice post so it's all botched up as you can see.

I have no ambition, no motivation, I feel no pleasure from anything. I feel no pleasure from having an orgasm anymore. when I jack off it feels like rubbing my elbow.

a) extreme sports and/or b) drugs, will fix your anhedonia. to do a) you need to get fit and to do b) you need money and a decent knowledge of darknet markets.

Downside is that both solutions are often addictive so you probably end up as the typical adrenaline/drug fiend. Also, if you can't get your fix for one reason or another be ready for deep depression and other negative mental states. Again, moderation and rationality is the key

Currently suffering this.Just agitatingly switching tabs, turning games on and off, starting and turning off anime. Looking outside then back at my screen, thinking about bad things, thinking about nothing at all. I sleep but then I wake, it's still the same. This is only temporary, like you it passes maybe in a week or so where I regain a mild ability to feel limited pleasure. It stems originally from a nervousness I can't really identify the source of. It seems to be the feeling that my life is ticking away but does that even really matter

Anhedonia works like this.

You're standing next to a highway watching a youtube video about driving, and the video is exciting enough that you long to experience it for yourself.

Except you have driving anxiety and don't even have a license.

Basically your brain is shutting down your escapism to push you into the car to drive.

It's forcing you into IRL.

Why do most adults not play video games or watch animes?

Because it pales in comparison to the real thing.

And it's inconsequential, a waste of time.

Life is like high-stakes poker for big money and video game is like poker for imaginary money.

After a while you get tired of earning imaginary money, you want the real thing.

it's crazy how much our brain controls us. we often like to think that we are our brain, and we control our body, when it's only half true(if even that). our brain is controlling our emotions, our desires, our fears, along with just keeping the basic functions going. all of this is done to make us healthier, yet the conscious still fucks things up for everything else in the body. even if we know how to solve our problems we still dont for whatever reason.

makes me wonder why we didnt evolve to have a more emotionless mindset like ants who simply does whatever it takes to better their society without any doubts. i think the lack of curiosity they have is better than the constant depressive thinking we(wizards not normies) have.

hate literally everything but I remember a time when I didn't and the two are in conflict. I'm really tired of being here but no one cares and they won't let me leave even though I've told them so many times how much I can't stand it. They just don't care. My feelings don't matter to them unless they're the feelings they want.

And things I would consider an achievement years ago I barely remember. Present is boring, future is bleak, past is poisoned, I honestly have no idea how am I supposed to break this cycle of boredom and suffering, when even when I force myself to do something, I barely remember doing it later, and I'm very quick to forget if I had "fun" doing that or not.

This is pretty much what my life has come down to, I suppose I'm at around 1/3 mark now.

Is anti-psychotics induced anhedonia a thing? Has anyone experienced it? I think I might have it. I've had anhedonia for atleast a year now without even knowing it. I didn't even know that I was depressed until a few days ago. It turns out that I've been depressed for almost 10 years, but I've been too stupid and isolated to realize it. Nowadays I lift 6 days a week and I socialize every day at my very social unpaid internship job, but nothing makes me produce the neurochemicals that are supposed to make me feel good. I only work and workout because I'm bored and have anything else to do. I spend most of my days looking for music and browsing chans without posting anything.

I just wish that I could get into gaming again, but I'll never find anything that is as fun as dota 2 was when I spent thousands of hours trying to become the best in the world at playing my favorite heroes.

Anhedonia is like a prison cell of nothingness, not being able to enjoy or make sense out of anything. The only escape is sleep (or maybe getting high on some substance, haven't tried). And when you wake up you almost want to cry.

I've been lucky enough to catch a break from anhedonia the last 3 weeks. This summer has been good to me since I can actually enjoy certain things again.

The last 2-3 years has been an anhedonic hell, I guess. At worst the world around looks like a parody show and you wonder why people keep it going. You wonder how they feel; they can't possibly be anything like you, can they? What goes on in their mind? Why do they laugh and have emotions?

Everything is so empty that it physically hurts. I tried biking as a form of escape, but in a sense it's even worse because you observe the human life around you and it look just like the picture in your OP. Everything is so, so fucking sad. This life is a tragedy.

This I don't let happen and nothing in life or beyond will convince me otherwise. All albums sound amazing, when I get bored with one it just enters a cooldown. I focus actively on music and am very very musical even though my mom and family thinks i never listen to anything -so secretive is my sacred hobby.

I've decided to go NEET for a few months until I can get meds and see some progress. You might call this a mistake, but I've got a goal and a time frame set, and it's only months before I crash and burn otherwise. My memory's gone to shit. I can't string together ideas in class, and just copy down notes with no understanding of what they mean. Whenever I'm outside, I get a headache from the bright sun, and seeing everyone else healthy and relaxed nearly makes me sick. I don't even have enough money for all the materials, so I'd be roughing it no matter what. My odds of flunking are about 90%. Everyone's told me "Just keep going!" for years now, but I'm taking a break, because if I keep pushing, I know the results will be disastrous.

It's not your choice. I promise you, it's not. You might have a gut-wrenching experience one night with some album that makes all your struggles seem important, but it fades quickly, and after that all music is hollow. Let me give you an example: "Høst" by Kaja Gunnufsen. I discovered this song (and the rest of the album) in August 2016. A year ago. At the time, it moved me. It encompassed all those empty feelings of the past few years - the depressing tint behind everything, the confusing nature of social media, the times we live in, and so on. So I kept listening to it. Past the point where I even remembered what parts of it I liked. I think it was the rap at 1:32, but again, I'm not certain. There's nothing there now. It's sort of like when you see a pretty succubus's face, and you know she's beautiful, but you don't want to fuck her and actually don't feel anything towards her; You just know she's pretty. I still listen to that song every now and then, when I might tune in a little better to those vibrations, but it's not the same.

I agree about the music. I discovered a band last year that I loved, must have listened to them for over half a year, however now when I listen to them I almost feel sick, lots of bad memories and feelings arise too, and I wonder how I ever enjoyed it. I suppose the trick is to keep exploring new artists and music to (hopefully) find a nugget of gold in a sea of shit, but I find it too exhausting so I just listen to the same songs on repeat day in day out.

I feel this somewhat relates to my situation, yet it doesn't at the same time. Over time I've lost my interest for things that once entertained me and dragged me through the days (anime, image boards etc you know the deal), but I never stopped consuming them. I force myself through these daily activities I've always done even though the actual joy is long gone, I keep up with recent anime even though nothing is entertaining, I watch old shows I haven't watched yet even though they're never any fun. Before going to sleep almost every night I put on the same music I once found comforting but now merely reminds me of feelings long gone.

It feels as if I have to do these things to keep existing, it's all I am at this point, sometimes I consider looking into new fields and try to become wiser as some wizards have managed to do, but those other activities don't come over interesting either. Sometimes it feels like I've long passed away and it's merely me reliving these memories from another place, I'm not sure if this would fall under Anhedonia or not, I can definitely relate to the lost joy in my once joyful activities.

A good test to tell whether you have Anhedonia or not is to imagine doing any activity that might be pleasurable, and if you feel any pleasure thinking about it, it's not Anhedonia. Losing interest in things is natural, but losing interest in all things is not. If you won a million dollars, is there anything you could spend the money on that would definitely make you happy? No? Then that is Anhedonia. According to your description, I'd say you have it. Especially because you write "Sometimes it feels like I've long passed away". This illness isn't just being bored - it's becoming a walking ghost, distinct from other people. The days and weeks and months keep passing, and it means nothing. You feel no connection to your former self, to other people, to the present, and so on. Just drifting through the days.

I still do things. For example, I've taken up Japanese again, and it's kind of nice to watch myself improve at reading and so on. At other times, I watch documentaries, and practice writing out the Kanji I've learned during that. As long as it helps pass the time, it's good.

I still enjoy small moments and nature, but I've fully lost my appetite for everything. It's like a constant hunger and thirst never fully quenched. Many times I enter the store and everything there seems disgusting. Porridge with hemp seeds has become a staple that seems to keep me in good health. The blandness of it makes it easy to consume.