Supérieur Postmoderne Orbis Terrarum

Supérieur Postmoderne Orbis Terrarum

Ben Caesar

I am a ghost, wandering around in modern life and living day to day, waiting for something to happen…

PART 1

Chapter 1

“Slowly going insane. Endless negative mental feedback loops. Too self-aware and introspective to ever find inner peace or contentment. Despise society beyond words but forced to be a part of it or die. Subconscious survival and reproduction mechanisms making me feel like a failed normal person 24/7. Can't put off looking for a fucking wage slave job any longer.”

“Ignore it. Stop considering yourself an individual and begin thinking of yourself as a small particle of dust in the desert. The wind is carrying you around and you can flow with it or resist, but it will be useless. Listen to the talks of Alan Watts, he of course explains it much better than I can. Also don't look at yourself in the mirror too much.”

“I've had my fill of Watts. He was a pompous alcoholic who liked the sound of his own voice too much and as far as can tell, misconstrued Eastern philosophy significantly.”

“I hope you find the energy and conviction to not hate yourself and to appreciate your value, relative or otherwise. You aren't the only sinner in a pure world. You are one individual suffering due to his self-awareness and self-imposed principles. You were once an innocent, good-hearted kid and the fact you are no longer a child does not mean you no lack value.”

“Mental crises become more intense the older you get. I hope that our creator will give us the strength to either endure our torment or finish ourselves off when the right time comes.”

“I hate it when dust gets on my dessert.”

“If he is as self aware as he claims, he would realize that true peace and contentment can only be found within and nothing in the outside world can disturb or enhance that.”

Afterlife

“So what do you think comes after?”

“The same that came before, which I'm pretty sure was nonexistence.”

“Rigor Mortis”

“Nothing. You think this reality is even capable of handling something like that? It's a fucking joke.”

“Well we know for sure that what we are doing right now is something. So perhaps it's actually very likely there is something more. But we'd be without our memories and experience from this life to really recognise it as something new. So maybe we just go on like that forever.”

“But we don't. What is ‘something?’ Can it exist inside of a head?”

“Nonexistence. Oblivion.”

“I firmly believe that all the suffering souls will be rewarded with eternal paradise after death while hedonists will face eternal damnation through reincarnation. The suffering way is the true way to live and our creator only filters out those souls from the cycle of reincarnation, that were able to resist the earthly desires. Death is something monks embrace while hedonistic materialists fight death with their never ending immortality projects (children). Suicide is not a sin but the most heroic act of selflessness as the person in question ceases to take away resources from other organisms to sustain itself.

Monks and monks will come to heaven into a part that is called the ‘monk  mansion’. It is like a quarter of heaven only for people like us. All our deceased brothers will be there already, waiting for us with snacks and drinks. We will look from our clouds to the heathens who are still trapped in damnation on earth while drinking God Manna and eating heavenly food.”

“I'm sick of sitting behind PC. Sick of masturbating and porn. I feel bored, tired and empty. I can't seem to enjoy anything. There are tasks that I have to do but I put them off to another day every day. I don't know where my life force went.”

“You have the same problem I have. You're addicted to short term pleasure and comfort. Anything that requires work or effort is a hassle and exhausting. You just want to take it easy and be left alone but even then you're still miserable. Porn, food, escapism, anything that can distract you from your cold, empty existence. You're frustrated and powerless and wish you could change things but you're past the point of no return and everything seems hopeless. You wish you could die but you don't have the courage to kill yourself.

Maybe I'm just talking about myself.”

“Oh man. I already recognized this issue 2 years ago. I was in therapy and told my therapist how nothing really satisfies me. How I spend my time on the internet consuming inane information merely out of compulsion and just to pass the time and not because I find it meaningful or enjoyable. I told him how I think I would enjoy being creative like drawing stuff but before you get good enough to produce decent work there is this barrier that you have to pass. I asked him how I can pass it and he basically told me ‘just do it’. Since 2 years passed and I am still here I obviously was not able to. I thought I would eventually but nope here I am still. I got some books from the library and had them for 3 months already and have yet to read them… I don't know what I can do. Why am I like this?”

“Try to get some prescribed adderall, could help greatly for your needs”

“They say that to warp reality to be compatible with their just world fallacy, in reality no one would choose to act in a way they know is detrimental to their wellbeing. We gut the short stick and now we get blamed for it.”

“How though? They just give that to the ADHD approved. I just get shitty SSRIs.”

“There's nothing for me to do. No goal for me to aim toward. So it's impossible for me to not waste my life. There's no meaning to anything so it's a meaningless thing to think about. It's impossible to waste your life too.”

“Muh nihilism. Pretty sure you don't want to suffer, meaning is unnecessary.”

“I have a ton of things I want to do, but I can never find time for them. Despite being long-time NEET with no obligations. By the time I make up my mind to start doing anything, it's already late at night, I'm tired and have to go to sleep. Repeat every day for years.”

“tl;dr nihilism is an excuse for lazy fuckers”

“Break the rut you are in by doing something different that you don't have to do.

When I feel like that I take a day to go someplace I like such as a museum, library, or the woods for a hike.”

“Why not plan the day before and commit to doing it once you wake up.

Or do it spontaneously without planning.

Just do what you want. It is not like you have obligations holding you back. The only one holding you back is you.”

"This study compared young adults (ages 18 to 26) with and without childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) on self-reported risky sexual behaviors. Participants were 175 men with childhood ADHD and 111 demographically similar men without ADHD in the Pittsburgh ADHD Longitudinal Study (PALS). Childhood ADHD predicted earlier initiation of sexual activity and intercourse, more sexual partners, more casual sex, and more partner pregnancies. Although childhood conduct problems did contribute significantly to risky sexual behaviors among participants with ADHD, there was also an independent contribution of ADHD, suggesting that the characteristic deficits of the disorder or other associated features may be useful childhood markers of later vulnerability."

“That's pretty much it. Do something you don't need to, and do it early in the morning. I feel like piece of shit in front of my PC, don't want to do nothing, but once I set things in motion, I usually go further on the walks, do some extra exercises in (home) gym etc. I think things like the person here describes”

“Are partly fault of our parents. I remember mine complaining that I sit in front of PC all day ever since we got one, yet nothing changed, they just nag less. The only things that break the monotony are things I'm pretty much forced to do, like walking the dog. I dropped all of my hobbies because they're supposed to be pleasure and I felt none, and it's not like I had any responsibilities to carry them on.

If I had all of the resources and stability, I'd probably just sleep and do drugs. There's nothing worth living for.”

“Man, people are such a fucking disgusting species…

…why are comments like this even made? Why are people such a shit species? What the fuck is wrong with ‘humans’ (animals who choose not be human)?”

“Nothing's wrong with humans. They just as their biology says they should.”

“Peterson is pretty good imo. Most humans are neurotypical, his advice would work for them.

For people that are depressed, not all his advice apply obviously (like getting intimate relationships). Although he does say ‘get some friends’ and some people have expressed wanting that, so I don't think people in that aspect are so different.

The points about structure (job, although you can get structure from something else, being self employed for example) and not being addicted to drugs/alcohol whatever seem good advice.

Pursuing a goal also seems fundamental. Without anything to pursue, it's hard to keep being happy, we can see that with all the stories people here write explaining that after a few years of hedonism and escapism they get bored of it (although I'm sure not all but most). So again a good point indeed.

He really hates nihilism though that's for sure. Very different mindset, but I think his views should still be countered with real arguments and not censorship”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c9Uu5eILZ8

It is beyond me why grown, mature people cannot see why they hate normalcy--why they use memes such as "normie," "normalfag," and so on.

If you lived in conformist China, you would cherish sameness and any opposition you would hate and oppose. As a part of the Democratic Process - the process of creating a world-wide democracy - you have been made to hate what is too normal--but don't you see, THIS is normal itself?

In other words, you hate yourself for YOU are normal.

There are varying degrees of separation from mainstream society.

The lowest end would be highly publicized "countercultures", teenage fads, and products created by artists who "sold out". These aren't the least bit abnormal and aren't subject to ridicule.

Next would come groups people "don't get" but aren't subject to ridicule ether, many creative types fall into this category.

After that would be controversial groups that are generally subject to ridicule, but have a large enough population for people within the group to communicate with one another through the internet or conventions.

Lastly are people who are so different they have nobody who they can relate to, they are truly pariahs and act independently of other people. These people are very rare as this goes against human nature.

I would say we are fairly far away from mainstream, but isn't unique and falls into the third category I mentioned. Of course this is an oversimplification, but is just the way I think of the subject.

Also, long time no see Democratic Process guy.

I didn't address the key point.

Yes, disliking others for being different whether they're closer or further away from the mainstream is completely normal. But I don't think people should strive to be abnormal, and there are varying degrees of normalcy.

I disagree. The democratic process is seen to embody diversity, but by it's nature it belies this assumption. The only way that democracies work is though sameness, if there is not a majority of people wanting something it does not happen. True it is about many disparate groups jockeying for power, and occasionally making concessions to each other, but it is still the normal leading the masses of normals. Further few groups believes they are abnormal. Nearly every group and mass considers themselves to be in the right, and thus what they base their idea of normalcy on. What is "normal" for a monk is not normal for someone of the prevailing upper caste.

As a final aside, you mentioned the solidarity of "conformist china", however by all accounts most are not happy there with the conformity, but social rules and fear keep people in line. While having democracy would allow these masses to show themselves openly instead of lurking in the shadows, that does not mean that the democratic process facilitates the love of nonconformity. What facilitates nonconformity is human nature. Finally I wish to point out that conformity in Asian cultures is not just a Chinese thing, the democratic nations more or less have a general trend of conforming because they tend to be homogeneous in culture, upbringing, and ancestry, meaning that they match together on most of the larger issues, making nonconformity become a more micro phenomenon.

Counterculture is an overused term. Yes, people mindlessly at large try to renew themselves and their environment even when such is just superficial and completely unwarranted, as we see with "this meme is overused" and the attempt to make new mindless memes--but this mindless desire to renew things is a part of created culture itself and does certainly not come naturally for the majority.

But is the culture we have in the West simply the mindless byproduct of mindless teenagers and other cockroaches? Of course not.

Culture has a political purpose to play, this is why Islam is not a liked religion by the mindless masses and Islam is certainly no part of Western culture, although if culture was unintended and just random, Islam certainly would have a strong hold on Western culture.

One of the dangers to an open and free, democratic society is fundamentalism and dictatorships or leaders with absolutely control.

One way to counter the fundamentalism is exactly by propagating individualism to the mindless cockroaches.

This is why mothers tell their children, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" or "Just be yourself," or "Do what you feel is right" (notice "feel" and not "believe").

A benefit of this individualism is also that it facilitates innovation and solves the problem of empires collapsing because they are unable to meet the challenges of the future--individualism encourages solving problems with new methods that work the best, as opposed to with the old methods that may not be applicable in the future.

As for dictatorships, people are encouraged to criticize politicians and accuse them of the world's ills and suspect of them that they are egotistical sociopaths who work only in their own interests and deceive others to get to their end, although this is surprisingly not actually true often of politicians.

This takes away politicians' excess powers and makes the possibility of a dictatorship emerging from a democracy, like with Nazi Germany, very unlikely.

This also gives the people more power, as the people at large are stupid cockroaches with no understanding of anything, and furthers true democracy - the rule of the [majority of] people.

Much of culture is of course just symbolic to further democratic values and ideas.

Take for example "Illuminati" or the "New World Order," and the talk about in the future the NWO can chip us and control us and bla bla bla.

Can any of you figure out what these things symbolize?

They symbolize a world ruled by a secret, corrupt dictatorship.

Do you then see, these 3 things are the very antithesis of democratic values: secrecy because it rules out the masses' involvement in politics; corruption because it literally means that the leaders do not work in the people's interest; and dictatorship because the leaders dictate the people and the people have no say in things.

All by design.

Then we have the cockroaches who say, "We don't ACTUALLY live in a free world, it's all a lie to control us." The purpose of this stupid belief, ironic as it is, is to further democratic values--isn't it obvious?

All these "conspiracy theorists" are furthering democratic values, they just don't know!

This is ironically similar to the "conspiracy" leaders such as Alex Jones, David Icke, Alan Watt (cuttingthroughthematrix), Occupy movement's top leaders, etc., etc. They're all furthering democratic values and are working in favor of democracy, even if they are deliberately spreading lies to make money or are this or that!

But that is not exactly how it is though. People say "Just be yourself", but they don't really mean it, do they? They want you to just conform to the social group, or the body politic. In a sense, the entire would is a contradiction. We are not free, because certain behaviors and lifestyles are seen as unacceptable, but then we turn right around and say we are an in an individualistic society. We say we don't judge people be the color of their skin, but we say that whites inherently have more "privilege" than other races. A true individualistic society would be heaven for a monk, but as it is, people are just using the guise of being "progressive" and "understanding" to shame people and behaviors they do not like.

People say whites have more privileges because this is a society that was created by and for whites. It's only natural for whites to have a natural advantage in their self created environment, and I don't see how this is a bad thing inherently. Besides, white privilege has never done anything for me.

But I'll address the "counterculture" bit.

Common countercultures (level 1) do not occur organically, that much is obvious. They aren't far away from the norm at all, but the higher levels are. That's why society condemns, ignores, or criminalizes them. Of course there is a bit of wiggle room, depending on the society. Once you step out of that is when you get in trouble.

People are greased to stay within the fixed bounds that the group (society) sets, regardless of how tight those bounds are. It's not just human nature, but the nature of most primates to my knowledge.

It makes sense to believe that this is just symbolic parts of the Democratic Process, for if not then why is there no culture created that shames those who reject people based on their "ugliness"? Why is there no "right to be ugly," and no "uglyphobe" slogans thrown around?

Many men commit suicide because their lives are ruined based upon something so objectively valueless as physical appearance.

Isn't it ironic that the social justice warrior cancer women who triumph anti-racist and anti-anti LGBT, anti-sexist speeches online are the same ones who would reject a man based on his physical appearance! And if you were to tell these ugly, semen-ridden cumdumpsters that they're wrong, they'd say something like, "You're ugly! Ewww! Get away from me, creep!".

What about the right to be an "ugly creep"?

Why do women have the borderless "right" to shame those unfortunate enough to have been born ugly?

It wasn't God's intention that women should pick their male partner or that men should ask for permission to be with women but that men should pick their female partner in spite her "personal desires".

Culture is contradictory and hypocritical. The only sense I can make of this when democracy is true despite its lack of full implementation, is that various people's "rights" (Black rights, women's rights, etc.) is symbolic propaganda for the mindless feminine-minded cockroaches as a way to unite society.

ALL people have certain unalienable rights in virtue of having been created by a perfect being whom we call G-d. This means that even the "homophobes" have a right to exist and practice their "homophobic" ideals.

But to unite society, the ostracized members have to be symbolically brought into society again and the members who ostracize them are themselves to be ostracized. Though, as I've mentioned, this never happens to women. Women can destroy men's lives as much as they please.

“Do you regret how your life turned out? Why or why not?

The only thing I regret is my complacency when I was younger and a general lack of motivation.”

“Sometimes. But realistically it would have just ended up as a different type of shit had I made different choices in life anyhow.”

“Nah. I'm fine with how it turned out. I mean, constant headaches, severe depression, and spiraling despair is bad, sure, but at least I'm not a hedonist pig.”

“Nope. I'm one of the few lucky ones who isn't depressed even though I've been a NEET for over a decade. I'm just a ‘weirdo’ who never cared about society. I just played video games and watched anime since I was a child, and I still do the same stuff and enjoy it immensely.

though I wish my mom was ok with it, lol.”

“Regret is a false narrative you apply to a situation after the fact to avoid having to admit you are a slave to circumstances, a leaf in the wind. Even if you feel you made a specific decision at one point, the influences behind the decision you made had already been set by circumstances and prior experiences - there was no choice. Sure, people find it ‘motivating’ to pretend they have self-agency, etc. but it doesn't match up with the facts. If we're so free to choose, why do we end up in bad situations as a result of those choices? A choice where you can't grasp the consequences of the options isn't a choice, it's random or its predetermined.”

“I regret nothing.”

“I only regret stupid or embarrassing things that I've done.

Otherwise I didn't have any control over how my life turned out, so in that regard I regret nothing.”

“Yes and no. I don't see how my life could have ever been anything else than it currently is, with that said, I still wish I weren't born though.”

“I used to believe that all my problems were caused by the environment I live in, mainly my family. I thought I had the potential to become a decent person, get an education and find a good job; I thought the only reason I failed at that was because I wasn't in the right circumstances to make use of that potential. Though lately I started to think that maybe giving up right away just because circumstances are unfavorable wasn't the best course of action. I don't really feel much regret but I've come to realize that life is inherently unfair and yet the attitude of my past self amounts to nothing but throwing a tantrum because life didn't treat me fairly. In hindsight I'm just ashamed of how conceited I was for thinking that anyone owed me anything.”

“It depends.

I don't know, if by regret you mean wish it had turned out differently. Then yes. I really wish I could have turned out to be that polymath scientist I wanted to be as a kid. Or to have discovered something that I was passionate about, or not fall into depression.

But if by regret you mean any specific action or even general action I think I should have taken and missed? I do not really believe any such thing existed. I suppose I am a bit of a deterministic, but I do not really see any path looking back that I could have taken. There was never a moment where I had a choice that I think I would have made any other way. If I could go back with foreknowledge I would do things differently, but as it stood, I don't really think there was ever a moment I changed tracks. I have always been on this rail, chugging along to my final destination.”

“The way I deal with regret is the following (possible) rationalisation:

If I could go back in time and change my decision? Would I have?

This is a meaningless question since given all the information I know now it would violate causality. When I made decisions back then, I only had access to the information I had back then. With the exact same information, would I make the same decision again?

The answer is yes.

So how could I really regret anything?

For instances where no decision of mine was made, I was helpless anyway. The same logic applies.

Even recent regret can get framed like this if you're careful enough- but there comes a point where you realise that now and the past are the same- IE the decision what to eat 5 minutes ago catches up with what drink to have now. You can regret knowingly making the wrong decision. But what is the wrong decision? Even if something is 'clearly' the wrong decision, and you still do it, then how come?

This shouldn't be interpreted as an excuse to be lazy, for example. But as a reason to not get tied down in the past. Concentrate on the now.”

“My deterministic pals. There was never any other option besides us posting on this imageboard right now and leading the lives we did.

Everyone pretends that free will is a real thing, though. Even I do, sometimes.”

“This is true. You don't have any choice from the start whatsoever. Just an illusion of it. You can't even choose if you want to be born, you just forced to exist. How can you regret that? You can't change it. Outcome would be the same, but even more shittier than it is now.”

“I regret that I should've studied harder when I was at middle school. I always think that if I did, I would've been able to go to a more decent school, have more decent friends, and have a better job than I currently have (although I'm quite content with my current one). But he might be right, there are those lucky fucks born to have a happy life from the start while the others gets the opposite fate.”

“The only thing I regret is not getting diagnosed with autism sooner than I did.”

“Do i regret them laughing at me for five seconds then moving onto their blind wandering meaningless lives devoid of any faith and moral righteousness? No.”

Chapter 2

“The advent of personalized medicine will fix all social problems, including the lack of ability for most women in Europe to feel empathy and the lack of ability for some men to form social bonds.

No longer will we have the so-called bullies in school who ruin a child's life for a lifetime; and no longer will we have the sex-crazed people we have today--this will be necessary to prevent a more overpopulated world.

What's better is that even the dumbest person will become intelligent, which includes Africans.

Equality will truly exist with genetic engineering.

Personalized medicine will fix the genetic flaws in us that have accumulated through liberal policies of sparing the poor-gened ones and through centuries, as all people's DNA mutate in their lifetime and their faulty DNA is passed onto their children, and so on.

Imagine no longer depending upon others for support because you've been born mentally retarded or socially retarded or you have true schizophrenia or some other mental or physical disease. It is now possible to change MOST genes of live persons and these procedures using engineered viruses have already been successfully done many times.

As impressive as it is, pigs are now being engineered genetically to be able to grow human limbs while not creating the problem of the limb being rejected by the human body due to its cells being different, and so on.

The future is finally here and I will reap its yield within my lifetime.”

“I don't think you understand what personalised medicine is.”

“Personalized medicine is medicine that takes into account your genetics.

Another term for personalized medicine is gene therapy. Some gene therapy is giving the patient the missing enzyme or protein, some is giving a drug that stimulates the faulty gene and some is giving the patient an altered virus that can permanently change the patient's faulty DNA base pairs into the correct ones.

A leading geneticist who was also the co-discoverer of the double helix, is working on getting pigs to produce human limbs to treat people with various problems relating to lacking limbs or tissues for that matter.

Many societal problems are inherently caused by faulty genes. The lack of empathy that many Western women have for others is due to mutated genes, not bad culture. The most obvious explanation has to do with the oxytocin genes that produce the binding sites and the chemical itself.

When the scientists conclude that many societal problems are caused by genetic defects, it is unthinkable that they will not, with enough time, finally begin to target these faulty genes and either temporarily fix the problems related to or permanently do so via genetic engineering.

Already there have been trials to test the efficacy of removing the myostatin gene in humans to treat and prevent muscle wasting disorders (since myostatin inhibits certain growth factors related to muscle growth and not having the myostatin gene thus results in muscle overgrowth).”

“You're confusing a few different terms.

Firstly: Personalised medicine is about personalising prescriptions, drugs and other treatments to the peculiarities of someone. It's not about finding and treating genetic disorders, it's about looking at someone's chemical makeup and seeing if x medication will work 10% better than y medication in your particular case because you have gene z which has been shown to slightly reduce the efficacy of x.

Instead of just giving x to everyone.

Gene therapy is not really related to personalised medicine. It's pretty specific to genetic dysfunction, but you're vastly overestimating its potential. Genetic therapy is to do things like removing myostatin, for particular wasting diseases, and also treatment for Creutzfeldt jacob's disease. They mainly work in providing genetic material to alter a genetic dysfunction that works currently. Like a current gene in a muscle cell.

Okay this is hard to explain but it's like this; if a genetic defect causes something it will not be treated by genetic therapy unless it's a very specific case. Mental disorders specifically. Genetic therapy is not going to make everyone into supermen, it's going to fix extremely debilitating diseases that cause people to die in their youth.

You're overestimating gene therapy's potential and mixing it with the concept of personalised medicine.

I mean you can read the wikipedia articles on both things and see what I mean.

I'm not objecting to the significance of genetic engineering on humans and the discovery that certain genes might do things, but you're putting way too much emphasis on genes as being deterministic. Especially when it comes to personality and reactions to environment.

Typically genes work in an reactionary fashion; gene x increases the chance of something happen, not so much a deterministic outcome. It's about probabilities.”

“You have no understanding.

First of all, personalized medicine DOES revolve around gene therapy - this is why it isn't implemented yet, but soon will. It also depends upon low sequencing costs and high accuracy, both of which are not fully there but almost there due to new Illumina hardware.

As for fixing genetic problems, it clearly is very possible and in fact easy. The problem is as is constantly talked about, that there is a supposed ethical problem.

As time goes on and the need for a unified humanity grows larger to tackle future problems, genetic engineering of the entire human population to be more compassionate and intelligent will obviously occur and to think otherwise would prove one's immaturity.

As for free-will and genes, did I ever say that genes determine people's behavior? I am not the guy with no understanding of philosophy who's read some few popular morons' (Hitchens, etc.) analysis of the world.

The problem is that if you have no hands, you cannot freely use your hands to pick things up, nor can you freely will to be an emphatic being if you have a gene defect as many do that causes your oxytocin receptors to not work, for example.”

“I think the immediate and obvious problem with in-vitro gene therapy is the cost. You can say that the costs would go down to nothing, but there's still the lead-up to that, and we'd have to get to the point where the costs go down, for the costs to go down. Therein lies the rub, in that there's a lot of people who would immediately start rebelling, if they were being forced to compete with a literal genetic aristocracy, who, realistically, would be very interested in keeping the costs of in-vitro gene therapy high, so that their aristocracy wouldn't be threatened.

So it's one of those things that would be really awesome, if individuals weren't the way that they are.

Of course, we're ignoring the fact that there are super geniuses, and a lot of them, who just lay around all day popping psychedelics, and being weird on Youtube. You can say that they could be genetically built to have a lot of drive, but then, what if they just end up being driven to lay around all day, and pop lots of psychedelics? Genetics can't solve everything.”

“There's another issue that I just thought of. Nobody's going to genetically optimize their kid to be a janitor. Nobody's going to create the perfect garbageman. Now, you can be clever, and say that we'll have robot garbagemen, and robot janitors, but the point still stands. With universal in-vitro gene therapy, there's a decent chance that society will be faced with an entire generation of doctors and lawyers, who will be very angry, when they find out that there are only so many slots for those particular jobs.

That's not to mention the amount of discourse, and great literature, and great ideas, that we would lose, if the gene that gives people a generalized disdain for authority, was removed from the overall population. It's easy for a society to stagnate, if it gets too homogeneous.”

“G-d, here we go with the aristocrats.

No, we are certainly not ruled by aristocrats and genetic engineering will strengthen democracy, not remove it. With genetic engineering, the population can be made actually intelligent enough to govern itself.

As for being a janitor, if people were intelligent enough they would clean up after themselves, or realize that everything we do in life, even as insignificant as it seems, has value to it that is independent of our perception of it.

As for people rebelling, since when was a protest genuinely started by the people and not the leaders the protest were against? All opposition that is not some stupid hormone-crazed teenager or a lonesome man or occurring in the chaotic non-West, is created for symbolic purposes (such as the Wall Street opposition and protests) or is at least controlled.

But why WOULD people rebel? I think any intelligent, thinking person would see that having one's genes changed for the better is only... better.”

“No all I'm saying is that personalised medicine is a different field from gene therapy. It's like how all cars (besides a rare few okay) have 4 wheels but not everything that has 4 wheels is a car. Gene therapy CAN be part of personalised medicine, but they are not the same thing. Personalised medicine is a concept of how to treat in general, not a specific kind of treatment. Personalised treatment could result in no treatment. If they know that person with gene x can't have the only treatment for the disease, then it's best to not give any treatment.

Gene therapy comes in two main kinds anyway: Somatic and the other one.

Basically in vivo gene manipulation using retroviruses to rewrite genetic code on the fly, and manipulating genes early in life like GMO food or something.

The reason I'm trying to make this a point is that they aren't the same things so using them interchangeably is confusing.

You can talk about gene therapy in the context of personalised medicine, or talk about gene therapy in general.

Personalised medicine doesn't only mean gene determination. It can also mean environment. If you live somewhere with low oxygen (high altitude) that might affect the efficacy of medication. If you have a certain set of gut bacteria. How old you are. What your lifestyle is.

It's custom medication that is highly specialised for person, that isn't necessarily related to the genes.

I hope you can begin to understand what I mean.”

“I don't really believe that would be the case. For example, higher education became extensively prevalent in the western world. This fact certainly created a number of disgruntled people who feel like they were made fools of and that they are entitled to the job that they wanted rather than whatever is available, but society didn't break down. In the end people just accept it. An increase in average intelligence is actually much less problematic, since it doesn't inherently entail higher future expectations for the individual himself, since he wasn't the one investing anything.”

Chapter 3

“Since little I have been abandoned and abused by women.

In kindergarten, I was always picked up late by my mother, not out of bad intention but out of busyness. This was extremely painful for me as I felt forgotten and I hated being in the kindergarten and other institutions.

In elementary school I always pissed myself even in the higher grades, and I never once had a friend, neither a male nor a female one. Everyone ridiculed me in spite being the strongest kid in the school.

And meanwhile I was ridiculed in school, there was extreme violence in my family with my brother constantly attempting to murder my mother with a knife or by strangulation; and if he didn't do that then he would beat or threaten her.

When the commune found out of this, they sent many social workers to try to solicit me into telling them that what was going on in the family even though they knew already--as if a child testifying is more evidence than the child's own mother testifying.

I was constantly harassed by these disgusting cum-ridden social worker whores with their makeup on who gave me the same old, lying cliche, "We want to help you... we know what you are going through," and of course all of this was said to me with the emotionally distant face seen in women who have too many sexual partners.

When I finally told these disgusting, horrible cancerous women about the problems in my family, and when I finally asked them for help, they had me removed from my family and put in a special education school far away from my family. This was their help, and it took them 3 years after I had told them about the family problems for them to remove me--one of the victims in the family problems--instead of my violent brother who was constantly beating my mother.

It took them more than 5 years after my mother had asked them for help for them to remove me from my family, but my mother only wanted the violent son of hers to be removed, not me.

In the special education school I was ridiculed by both male and female teachers, as well as students. They would make fun of my way of speaking, because I would repeat "yes" to compensate for my lack of words. The students, even the ugliest and weakest ones, would call me ugly on a daily basis.

In fact, the female students and teachers were the worst, for they didn't seem to feel any empathy for me although ironically the male teachers and students at least did.

While living away from my family with other problem kids, I was called every week by my mother who was telling me of the violence in the family.

The whores in the commune of course had no intention of helping my mother, nor myself, nor anyone in the family for that matter.

The female teenagers I lived with in the "family" I was moved to were even worse than anyone I had experienced before, for they would constantly harass me, pull out the Internet plug on me (which was located outside my room) so I had no escape from reality, knock on the wall into my room and daily play loud music with the speakers directed at my wall. Daily.

And one of the female teens had a mental disorder that would make her extremely violent if she did not take her daily medication or if she was provoked (which she was) and she was in addition an extremely overweight hambeast who could destroy bones by sitting on them.

The other ugly, disgusting, though small in size, female teen had (what I suspect to be) borderline personality disorder as she would cry the one moment and become aggressive and loud-mouthed the other, constantly changing character. Her I could not beat up either because her boyfriend would protect her, and the pediatricians in the "family" would write reports about me if I did harm her ugly cunt face.

After I finally moved back to my family just prior to becoming 18, life was certainly not easier for although the most violent brother had moved out, there was another brother living at home who was practically as violent as the first, who would also beat my mother for no reason other than he had witnessed his brother do it. The first brother would also constantly return to further enact violence on my mother.

All of these violent episodes gave me various issues, such as brain fog, constant memory loss, anxiety, and more--nothing of which was too bad in of itself.

Finally one day I began to hear voices talking to me, though the voices were inaudible and they would only come at night or if I became extremely stressed.

I decided to contact a psychiatric hospital so that they could test me and find out what was causing these experiences to come, but there weren't any "tests" done other than listening to the symptoms I described; rather I was put on antipsychotics and lived at the hospital for a while and later I had to meet up for a status report with them every week or so while living at home.

These doctors I also asked for help in removing my violent brother from the family not for my own sake but for my mother's sake. And of course they did absolutely nothing to help.

That was when I said to myself, "Enough!" and I had promised myself that if any cum-ridden whore ever as much as looked at me in the wrong way, I would bash her in the face. Sadly I haven't had this opportunity yet but I hope that some woman assaults me so I can do to her what is her due.

Anyway, after I finally moved out of my home and got an apartment, I was finally diagnosed with a mental disorder (yes, it took years) and I have been living on disability payments ever since (2 years now), though they still want me to be employed in spite of this, but the social system is too slow for this to be a problem.

I want to say that European women are the worst cancers on Earth. Though their ONLY purpose in life is to serve men, one part of that being to carry and take care of children for their male owner, they cannot even do their only purpose in life.

These disgusting, ugly, cum-ridden whores are more abusive and less emphatic than I am, and I am a man--that should say something.”

“I've had similar experiences, but probably 50/50 male and female in terms of betrayal and injustice. It is a very harsh slap in the face when you realize how cold and calculating the people who claim to have empathy really are, especially when you are reliant upon their compassion. I'm glad things worked out for you, though. Having the privacy of your own apartment and some income must be comfy and healing. Rather than bashing any faces, let the cold and unyielding march of time do it for you. Time is justice.”

“I have been fantasizing about doing right since little but now that I am grown up it's as apparent as anything can be that all people are flawed in some sense--none are as they were intended to be by G-d.

Thus, doing justice would be for nothing else than justice's sake or my own sake; I can never heal the world from how broken it is.

If I put one woman down who is causing me harm, 10 more broken women will continue in their sick behavior and my life will only be worsened.”

“I'd like to say that I think it's risky to use your own perceptions to judge an entire gender. Before I get a tirade of unfounded accusations, please hear me out.

People's perceptions are inherently fickle. You could understand this yourself- people are often wrong about things. Just go to places like /pol/ and you can drown in the perception based hatred. Look at conspiracy theorists and their ideas about holographic missiles striking skyscrapers (instead of a far more rational conspiracy about just using a real plane, or welding real wings to a missile) and people who believe in blood drinking lizards controlling the world (and not metaphorically- actual lizards from space). These are the extremes but they show that perception is stronger than reason.

For more sane examples, take people's fears over terrorism, or perhaps the media coverage of rare diseases or other rare events. The media covers rare events as a speciality, this should be obvious. But our brains are tuned to take exposures to information as an argument for the commonness of the information- for example if you see a plane crash into mt Bains (with no survivors) your brain catalogues this as something that happens regularly. Car crashes and smoking lung cancer deaths rarely make the news. If you take the death:coverage ratios for stuff like terrorism and applied it to lung cancer, then you'd have 20 articles about every lung cancer death. There are tens of thousands of preventable lung cancer deaths every year. The perception that terrorism is an actual threat is nothing but an illusion of people's views.

This ties perception as being faulty. If you take your own exposures to things then you will likely get a false perception of reality. Given that everyone here is already a rarity, we can experience the idea that our situations are more common than they are, and how people act around us change our perception of how people act around each other normally.

This post ties together a lot of loose strings into a messy bundle but the overall point is coming up; I fear that your treatment was incompetence, not malice. You shouldn't take your own experiences to tar an entire group. Or at least recognise that it might not be.

However, and this is the important bit that you should read before replying: I think your anecdotes do reflect reality. I mean, was your mother a bad person? I don't get the impression that you think she is. You seem to have wanted to stay with her.

What happened to you I don't think is a result of the particular gender but of those people in particular. The drifting college socialites who look 10 years older than they are because they spent their entire humanities degree college life with either semen or booze in their stomachs. The kind of people whose entire social worker decision making process depends on what makes them feel good, rather than considering what the people's lives they're interfering with may want. Or even what may be right.

They wanted to use your situation to feel better about themselves, not actually help.

Or maybe they made a mistake. But the reason they would make a mistake is because they didn't pay attention to the people they were trying to help. They see what little of their education they were awake for: Dysfunctional households are bad, violence means dysfunctional, take kid out of dysfunction. Following the neat little rules of the sociology that they don't understand the meaning behind. Tick the boxes on your sociological evaluation form, make sure that the perception of it fits with the neat textbook examples and just swing the hammer through.

This post is kind of long and it rambles a bit but the key points are that anecdotes aren't evidence, things that happen to you can't be judged properly without context (say a larger picture based on a what happens to large numbers of people). Rare events happen rarely and sometimes it's you.

The second is that perception is fickle.

The third is that I dislike social workers.

Women, I try and stay neutral on since their population is so large that there is a massive variation.”

“You were placed with the worst females that the social workers could find. I have to say: ‘Of course they would be horrible’

But that's not the surprise or what makes it bad. Of course women are horrible.

My current problem is I'm having difficulty thinking about when you had brothers beat your mom and now you want to beat up women too. I fully understand why there's a dichotomy. A social worker would see this as a case of having parental issues where the disturbed household caused the desire to reflect the life at home on women in general. That's what they'd see.

What I see is what happens when women are no longer restrained by the fear that their bullshit can result in getting assaulted. And even worse, retaliation turns the woman into the victim every single time. Even if the entire situation was created to actually create victimhood on purpose- the goal of the woman is to garner sympathy so she eggs on a man to hit her and then suddenly she's the one who's the victim.

Now this doesn't apply to all women.

I think you should restrain yourself, not because the women you might inflict harm on don't deserve it (they probably do) but the benefits they get from you hitting them outweighs getting hit- hitting them rewards them for the foul behaviour.

If you beat on a woman, you are filling her pockets with the money she gets from the lawsuit.”

“Those social helping companies or whatever they called are only in it for the money.

I was in a similar institution too, and everyone there was a normalfag. It was worse than hell.

If I ever meet one of those social workers from there I will beat them up until they are severely mutilated.”

“No, my mother was not the guilty but the victim. My mother is an extremely emphatic person who, even when she was constantly beaten, still cared for the offenders by giving food, shelter and more--not because she liked violence or that it gave her comfort, as simple-minded psychologists would conclude, but because she is a woman who is like women should be - unconditionally emphatic.

I don't ask myself, How ARE women? when I decide upon judging women, but I ask myself, How SHOULD women be? instead.

And it is not that I hate women as a gender but rather that I hate all women who are not as they should be.

What is the purpose in women's lives--why do women exist at all? To serve men, a subcategory of that being to bear the husband's children and provide them with what they need, such as love.

Notice then that almost no women in Europe can even do this simple purpose. Most women are destructive towards their own husbands and most women are destructive towards men in general, often especially their own children. Modern mothers tend to abuse their children rather than care for them. Violence breeds violence? Rather, cancers breed cancers.

As for rejecting my own experiences, that would literally be irrational. One should never reject one's own experiences. In fact, even if I were to hear a voice talking to me which I experienced to be real, and all psychiatrists strongly affirmed that this voice was hallucinatory, I would actually be irrational in believing the psychiatrists.

So rather than rejecting one's experiences--a futile task--one should ask, What has influenced me to arrive at these conclusions when possible, which would rule out common mistakes that people make in their busy lives.

I know of the simple-minded analyses made--I know how psychologists think (because I am better than most of them in analyzing people's behavior).

When you buy a large car, you do so only because you have a small reproductive organ or because you feel insecure, not because you need to transport a lot of things or because you are a male and men are apt to indulge in social dominance (that's what androgenic hormones do to us).

When you find older women attractive, it's because you lacked familial love from your mother and now you seek for it in women who can give it to you while you are an adult.

When you attack others, verbally or physically, you do so because you feel insecure.

And so on and so forth.

Pay attention to the fact that the analyses made by female psychologists and sadly by some male psychologists, too, are not analyses of male minds but analyses of female minds.

WOMEN desire attention, not men. WOMEN feel insecure, not men. WOMEN compensate for their perceived flaws in silly ways, not men. WOMEN do things because of emotional reasons as opposed to rational reasons, not men. Of course, this is a perfect-world scenario where all men are mentally fully developed (sadly not many in the modern world are) and all women are mentally underdeveloped (sadly not many in the modern world are). ”

“What are your thoughts on why women desire attention, or why they do things for emotional reasons?

I'm actually of the opinion that women are much more rational than people think. Or rather, their actions are rational if you know their goal.

For example; Attention. Women desire attention because the more men exposed to them, the greater value they can wring out of men. More competition for her, greater pool of potential resource sources, the more then men will try and 'prove their worth' to her with gifts and other things.

You see, women act rationally if you look at their behaviour as a consequence of the biological motions they have to go through to reproduce. Reproduction for females is an arduous process- 9 months gestating, then 15 or so years of child rearing until the gestated can pull its own weight. This is a huge investment in resources (food, housing time, anything material that increases the survival chances of the gestated object). In general you can frame their goals in the aim of increasing survival chances for gestated objects. But that's too specific- the real goal is to increase the reproduction chances of their gestated offspring. And of course if the offspring are dead that reduces their reproductive chances more than anything else, so resources to prevent death are usually primary.

Pitting males against each other (to increase male competition), being bitchy to other succubi (can't have other women trying to get the same resources (or at least too many women. Appear to be nice to the attractive ones and you might get the males she rejects, and then mock the unattractive ones so that they kill themselves and stop being competition altogether. I'm grossly simplifying but the more detail you go into with these behavioural scenarios, the more it fits the theory)), even letting their own children beat them.

Even mistreating their own children- keep in mind that these people are aberrations, most women will protect their children over most things, but the problem is often that their desire to have more children overrides this objective. For example; if they know that the state will take care of the child if they ignore it, having more children is the priority.

Or cheating on their husband with more attractive men.

The goals of women are:

    Higher quality genetics (to increase reproductive chances of offspring)

    Higher amounts of resources (to aid in the development of the offspring)

Of course there are plenty of exceptions to the behaviours but understanding the basic rules helps you predict and understand a lot of succubus behaviour. Explains why they hate monks too. No resources, no quality genes? Not even a person to women. Be courteous in the off chance that a more important male likes this loser but if you find out they're friendless, go nuts.

There are blanket exceptions too- women who don't reproduce. Not all women act on these highly complex biological guidelines, the ones that do not are rare and struggle to fight it. I often feel sorry for women, unable to overcome their heavy biological baggage. Like feeling sorry for a dog who can't overcome the fact they're a dog.

Men don't have strong biological goals as they need to be more adaptable. Going back to tribal societies, most men were killed in tribal combat. Societies where men and women were more or less equal in number is a result of, well, the last century. Any society that wars will have more women than men. Nowadays women have selected for two types of men: Those that provide genes and those that provide resources. Typically called 'alphas' and 'betas'. I hate this categorisation. It's an oversimplification of an incredibly complex arrangement. People can provide both genes and resources (and often do). And people can trick women into thinking that they're getting resources and then vanish. There's a lot of niches to reproduction.

A complex analysis would take time but I'll outline the basics:

Think about why the sexes are different at all. Back when we were single celled or simple multi celled organisms who first developed sexual reproduction was there a drifting apart of the properties of the two genders? How did the genders even develop?

From a sex cell perspective- men provide many small cells, each just intended to share the genes. Women provide large egg cells, providing nutrients and a place for the single large cell to duplicate and turn into a new organism. A divergence of the genders which causes specialisation. One specialises in a tiny amount of high-value sex cells and the other specialises in a spam wave of tiny, barely functional sex cells. What has each gender got to do to increase the chances of reproduction?

And frame it even deeper- what do the genes have to do to replicate? They build a little cellular robot that does a specific thing. One set of genes builds a gestation device and the other builds a gestation device spammer.

This is long winded but the overall idea is that the investment into the next generation that each gender makes changes the strategy and behaviour.

For example, being tricked into accepting low quality genes for a egg cell means a massive waste of time. So high quality lie detection, and reliable means of detecting mate resources. Accepting resources has two purposes: firstly to check if the person has resources 'to spare'. And secondly to latch in an investment. If a potential mate has invested vast sums to prove that they're worthy (a diamond ring and expensive wedding...), then they're unlikely to leave since it means they would have wasted their resources.

And maybe some more. You can extrapolate 90% of female behaviour from some very consistent principles.”

“There are at least two major and obvious reasons for why women have a natural desire for attention:

(1)Because women's purpose in life is to serve (sexually) men, it is obviously vital for women to at all have a man to serve--i.e. the attention-seeking is really partner-seeking.

(2)Because women are fragile and cannot care for themselves. It's the exact same reason that children have a natural desire for getting peoples', especially authorities', attention.

You are overanalyzing women's "reasons".

What is a door's reason for closing? "Reason" implies [a mind's] directedness. If you ask a woman what her reason was for doing something and she is incapable of explaining her reason, it is because there is no [mindful] reason.

Obviously, there is a reason for why doors close, which is motion, as there is a reason for why women do all the things that they do, but this "reason" is obviously not in the sense of a mind's directedness.

As for women's "bitchiness," this comes during period cycles in healthy women and its purpose is to signal to men that sexual intercourse cannot occur because no offspring can be produced.. yet.

Some women are constantly "bitchy" and that's because they're not functioning properly, probably due to a hormonal flaw of too much circulating estrogen or something similar.

Women weren't designed to select their partner, rather this is a byproduct of intended political changes in the modern world.

Far enough into the past, it is certain that any man could choose any woman as his partner whether she liked the man or not--as if women were at all designed to have any dislikes or likes with men other than those of silly children who require love for survival's sake.

I think your analysis that women today are evil masterminds is the byproduct of feminist culture, as ironic as it is.

Yes, women are destructive--as children are--but women are not masterminds. There are some women who are extremely masculine such that they are mentally on par with men in their intelligence and are free in the sense of being independent of cultural fads, but these women are extremely rare. One example of such a woman would be the president of IBM, ginni rometty, who is great a problem solving (a masculine trait) and literally looks like a transvestite.”

“You need basic income. That's the only thing that's keeping broken down people like us alive. Women are seen as empathetic and that is wrong.”

“You take this statement as an absolute dogma. I don't think anything has a purpose in this world. There is no conclusive evidence that allows to talk about finalism in Nature, not even in biology. Yet the main reason for your bitterness is your perception that many women are committing a grave sin because they aren't acting like they should act. I think these generalizations are worthless. Even assuming that we're wired by our genes to act in certain ways, there is still much room for variations and aberrations. On top of that I think your assumptions concerning how people are wired are pretty much wrong.

This is false. Women clearly have preferences, when it comes to men or anything else. The reason why you think this was not the case in the past is simply because out of necessity women had to adapt and take whatever decent man they could. Because without the protection of a man they would be pretty much defenseless, since women are physically (and intellectually) inferior to men. Beggars can't be choosers, that's why women in the past seem to you that didn't have preferences. But now that we live in more civilized societies and women have the same rights as men (actually, more rights than men), now women can afford to choose depending on their preferences. That's all there is to it. After all for what magical reason are now women able to express preferences if they weren't ‘designed’ to be like this, as you put it?

I think you have a twisted view of women. And the main reason for this is that basic axiom of your that ‘women's purpose in life is to serve men’. There is no such a thing as purpose. Women are bad, but that doesn't mean that at some point they were intended to be good. The cause of your rage is that you feel that men are being denied of something that was rightfully theirs, that women have somehow cheated the natural order of things and went against the laws of reality. That's not the case. Society can change, the way things were in the past isn't necessarily the ‘correct’ one and the current state of things isn't necessarily the ‘wrong’ one. Of course I don't think feminists are right and I don't even think women deserve equal rights with men. Women want equal rights even though they aren't willing to accept equal duties. Women want to be paid as much as a man even though they are less productive than men at any job they work. There are many inconsistencies in present day society, and I hope that sooner or later men will wake up and realize that this feminist charade has gone too far. I do not hope to go back at primitive times where everything was decided through violence and women had no rights at all. I simply hope that one day people will start throwing away their worthless pride and hypocrisy and simply accept the facts for what they are, instead of letting their feelings distort their vision of reality. After we have accepted the facts, then we can try to talk it out and reach an agreement. Of course assuming that women are capable of this kind of dialogue. But I am fairly sure that women aren't THAT stupid. Women are acting like this in first world countries just because life is too good. When the shit hit the fan, women will understand that they should shut their mouths and let men do the talking.”

“There is. A thing's purpose is the personal reason for why it exists. In other words, purposes are given to things by their personal causation as the reason for causing them to begin to exist.

My purposes in life are the reasons for why I (mankind) was designed.

Cars have purposes as they were designed by persons. Even if G-d doesn't exist, purpose does exist in at least the things that we create.

When you create your own playworld in Minecraft, that world has a purpose in virtue of you having a reason for creating it. It's really that simple.

Why did the creator give us hands? To grip things and move them. That's one purpose.

Why did the creator give us feet? To be able to move. That's another purpose.

And so on.

What is the purpose of having all the designed features that I have? THAT is my purpose in the large sense of the word, and the reason people say "purpose" instead of purposes.

The purpose of all men's existence is for the men be free--to do as they will--, maybe, as Christians believe, to freely choose to come to a loving relationship with G-d who is the source of all existence outside himself, or maybe for another reason, though the very first statement is a fact.

Notice that men who do their will often have sex, which is a lesser purpose, as it is when men freely choose to use their hands to drink a glass of water. So the very main purpose - freedom - facilitates the other lesser but also important purposes.

As for women, why are women weak in their mind and their body and why do female hormones weaken women as opposed to strengthening them? Estrogen inhibits bone maturation and muscle development, as well as inhibiting aggressiveness, the will to change the world, and a whole host of other things.

The reason for these things is that it was the creator's intention that women be subservient to men. Men are the leaders, the shapers of the world, and women are those who are shaped BY the world--have you ever wondered why women follow culture so strongly?

Furthermore, why didn't the creator design women with strong muscles such that women could be their own lords, as women DO have their own (petty, childish) desires?

Clearly, it was the intention that no resources should be wasted in maintaining the female body (because muscles require a lot of nutrients to maintain) and that men should be able to forcibly copulate with a woman if he so desires. It's all in the hands of men.

Yes, women DO have their own likes and dislikes, but these likes and dislikes are, besides the essential natural ones, shaped by the environment.

When a child sees his father with a smartphone, suddenly that child begins to want one as well.

So, in virtue of women being big children, they have the same petty things to them as children do--these things are for very good reasons that I've already explained in previous posts, namely that it's a sexual function and for survival.

If you were a parent, in your right mind, would you ever care for the petty likes and dislikes of your child? So long as your child gets the essential nutrients and love from you that it needs, does it matter whether it's sad because it can't have candy like all the other cool kids? Of course not.”

“Basic income? You mean something better than disability payments? The money I get is already very high, so much so that I have 1/3 of my payout leftover each month.”

“As far as we know biologically there isn't an evolutionary direction or purpose. The reason you two will disagree here is because you're differing on the assumption there is a creator (and therefore an authority to defer the meaning problem to).

Even with your gods, what makes the meaning they assign to us significant? Are they going to reward or punish me? Because if they cannot affect me I have no reason to comply. Presently it would be considered reasonable to believe there is nothing beyond death. If I can existentially vanish why should I care if I have fulfilled some purpose?

Furthermore, while I can assign a meaning to myself why should that have any more weight than roleplaying or any other form of imagination? It's not unreasonable to think if I have gone to the trouble of assigning it to myself it has some significance to me, but again: once I am dead, who gives a shit? Whether my last moments are in bliss, agony or ignorance so long as I die it will ultimately not matter.”

“We're bound to disagree.”

“Yes, we can say that kind of purpose exists. But what about you? You didn't create yourself. So you can't give purpose to yourself, it would be nothing but self-delusion. Your existence is the result of physical and chemical reactions inside your mother's womb. There wasn't any intelligent being that shaped you, you were a product of causality (or chance, if you believe in randomness). And the same apply to all men and all women. Just like you everyone of them was not created by someone who could give them purpose. Therefore your statements about women only make sense so long as you believe in some fancy God that creates people.

Since you blindly believe in the existence of a god nothing of what I say will make sense to you, so there is no point in arguing any further I guess.”

Chapter 4

“We Multiply. Multiply the previous poster's number by any number you choose. Let's find out just how big of a number we can get. I'll start the chain.

The starting number: 8”

“24

(Am I doing it right?)”

“24*9

216”

“I choose 0.1

216 * 0.1 is

21.6”

“21.6*(-7)

-151.2”

“-151.2 * -2 = 302.4”

“302.4*-0.5=-151.2”

“-151.2 * -6.666 =

1007.8992”

“1007.8992*0.6607803637506608 =

666”

“0”

“Well, that's it I guess.”

“We can figure a way out, I'm sure.

0 * 590783945789347598374895739845798347598347598347598347598374598734958734985738947593847593475892734908127349236459283749871203749023456982347659023745896593479847659834658234769283561289364923465783465912364982457683746589236458792465789236589246528973456928659283659823457683476529865394765497865487926345873946823765872368923468234569872364897236487235691834568246583763982683475624785.23987492834765892467893456378465782563498236893456872346589234657823465827346592836583746948756

...still 0. Fuck.”

“ YOU FUCKED IT UP (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻”

“calm down guys i think i can fix this. step back.

lim(x -> 0) x * 1/x = 1”

“You have Lim(x -> 0)x = 0.

Also Lim(x -> 0)1/x = ∞.

And Lim(x -> 0)x * Lim(x -> 0)1/x = 1.

So you're multiplying by Lim(x -> 0)1/x, which equals infinity.

He said to multiply by a number, you are multiplying by infinity, and infinity isn't a number.

The discussion is FUBAR, everybody can go home now.”

“THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!”

Chapter 5

“Killing a succubus in NetHack.  <(^-^)> Aaaawwww yiiiiis !”

“Not completely related since it's Dungeon Crawl and not Nethack.

My level 13 Minotaur berserk just died on dungeon level 16, because of an dire elephant zombie. I don't know why I still play this game, I had a +10 artifact mace (drain, -cast, str+2, dex+4, stlth+), a +4 plate armor (rF+), -2 artifact gloves (contam, MR+, Dex+3, SInv), and a artifact ring (rF+, MR-, AC+, Dex+5).

Oh and I also had a +3 executioner's axe of chopping.

I'm so fucking pissed.”

“Ayyyy lmao u mad brah? Huehuehuehuehuehuehue”

“Was it because RNG or your own fault? Maybe you descended too fast?”

“It was entirely my fault. I thought I could deal with 10 or 15 of those dire elephant, because I've be slaughtering everything in my path. I've have lowered my guard, I should have been more cautious and used one of my blink scroll to get away, and not go berserk with only 3 HP left.

Yet another stupid death.”

Chapter 6

>midnight

>zero sugar pepsi in body

>blasting hard rock via headphones

>motivation arises

>open some lecture

>realize how dumb I am

>motivation fades away

>life goes on

Chapter 7

“Would you encourage children to pursue the monk lifestyle? ”

“Eh, it's not for everyone.”

“When they mature they'll know if they're a monk or not.”

“Only if they commit seppuku to restore their honor and show their dedication to the monk life.”

“Monastic lifestyle isn't something you decide to do. Monks are born naturally, if they grow up different they will be one. Simple as that.”

“If they need to be encouraged to be a monk, they are not a monk.”

“Pretty much. The next monk generation will come to us on their own.”

“These. Convincing people to become celibate ascetic monks turns it into a sort of circlejerk club rather than just something that unites a bunch of otherwise very diverse virgins.

Besides, once you start treating it as something you 'join' rather than something you just are, you have hedonistic materialists thinking that they are celibates even though they've had sex. Just look at the Anonymous debacle since what was it 2077??”

“One is born into asceticism, moulded by it.”

“Correct. Another thing I've noticed is that it's always the younger folk who are so aggressive and volatile about fitting in. If you're doing all of that manually and not just letting it be a natural result you're bound to end up like that.

It is rather painful to witness one of these people, knowing that they're coming from here in our monastery.”

“I'd encourage children to not feel bad about being unwilling/unable to be a participant in this brutal society of primal hypocrites. It is very hard growing up feeling like there is something wrong with the world but being told by literally everybody that the only wrong is with you.”

“You make a good point. Though whether or not that can be classified as promoting monasticism or not is up for debate. I'd say that it is more encouraging them to act justly and with some measure of courtesy towards those who usually don't get it (apprentices) than outright promoting asceticism. That said, you could argue the opposite by saying that this line of thought on the nature of is prevalent among monks and will likely eventually lead to the kid becoming an apprentice and with time a full-blown monk”

“In my experience, the painful part of prolonged virginity is constantly being told that you are inadequate as a human because of that (same goes for poverty, ugliness, general loneliness, etc.). Ergo it is just telling men who naturally don't fit current society (and thus are going to lack sexual experience) that there is no criteria for being a human being. That they can find value in life through taking steps to get themselves into a position where they are free to be/find themselves and free of the barrage of people telling them they are worthless.

Society has never allowed for the full spectrum of human personalities to flourish, but these personalities outlast society and have inherent value because life itself does. Therefore, promoting asceticism doesn't promote people choosing to become virgins or shut ins or whatever, it just promotes the idea that one has no obligation to do more than experience life in the way that suits them and they should not be ashamed of what suits them.

Of course our monastery was going to become a 'clique' to join, due to the immense pressures against the idea of it. But the essential message has value, and should be promoted: If you find society and the games of social interaction repugnant, that is a valid viewpoint and you should not be ashamed to take steps to remove yourself from it as much as possible.”

“I wonder if this would do any good. The way a certain person feels about themselves would be largely impacted by the popular societal views, or by people who are close enough to them to be deemed role-models.

Sure you can tell them it's fine to just be themselves, but when the world around them reflects an entirely different type of behavior they may still feel insecure about it. And another thing, what those people do is the normal thing to do, the youngins you describe might desire that regardless of their other quirks but have just been unsuccessful. Telling those people to just give up and settle with the wiz life might be even worse. In those cases it's like telling a moth not to fly into the light, even if it does end up for the worse (by our view) they will still do it and get burnt. Late bloomers seem to be in a sort of limbo, maybe they're destined for it, but I like to think they might be better off had they been pushed into society more.”

It's about people finding peace and comfort within their own situation. For somebody who finds society naturally repugnant, pushing them into it and telling them it is all there is will lead to a painful life. Giving up on trying to make society validate you, and spending that energy on making a personally-validating existence for yourself has to be a good thing.

It is not saying people should "give up" (on what?) and "settle"; rather it is that humans are not moths - while one human might need to participate in society to feel good (in which case they don't find society repugnant and are not the audience) another might find that he feels best when he rejects status symbols and the futile effort of impressing a society he naturally has no place in.

It's not perfect, but it is better to be okay with no fitting into society (and understanding society's values are transient rather than the criteria for a valuable person) than to spend your life feeling inferior to those who happen to fit in. The faster you give yourself permission to reject social norms, the easier you'll find making a comfortable life for yourself. Example: instead of desperately going to parties you hate and kissing up to cool kids in high school because you feel that is all there is, you focus on studies and developing skills that will aid you in financing a life outside of society.

“I agree, it is a message that should be promoted, I was more arguing semantics than validity of the point in question.”

“That makes sense, maybe I was reading too far into it.

I was thinking about how my brother and I turned out since we're a picturesque example of this argument. If they were destined for it then sure, it is a good thing to reinforce them and let them know they're not in the wrong, and that their lifestyle is fine, even if it is less popular.

I was thinking about persons who may be uncomfortable or somewhat incompatible with society, but still want to be involved. It seems you weren't talking about them though.”

“Yeah, it could definitely put people onto the wrong path, choosing to hide away out of fear rather than via experience/situational-based choice. But it is nuanced - rejecting the concept of needing to collect social status symbols to feel like you are a valuable person does not require you to maintain virginity or abandon the world entirely. In fact, rejecting the need for society's validation might give one the confidence and 'looseness' needed to succeed within it.

Looking within yourself to find out your personal morals and value system, and how you can be true to these based on your situation, is essential to navigating your existence in a way that leads to happiness. Not feeling ashamed of virginity/poverty/etc. is important, and for many people they need somebody to let them know that it is okay to be unusual.”

You are essentially promoting abstinence only education if you start to heavily encourage kids to peruse the path of wizardry. Being as religious as I am I fully encourage asceticism, that way instead of men spending most of their time and effort perusing women and other hedonistic pleasures they can focus on more important things.

Most problems from being a wizard stem from society treating us badly because of the fact that we are virgin men with little to contribute to society. I'm not saying we should be worshiped but at least treat us like decent people it's not like most normals contribute much to society anyway.

“Not wanting to sound contrarian just for the sake of it, but most spiritless entities try to contribute, while most of us (not all!) live passive, empty, hedonistic life; Wage Slaving their lives away for corporations and popping out obedient servants is a good contribution already by society standards.”

“Technically speaking, most people at least have an inkling of a desire to impact the planet in a meaningful way.

Most of them just never do.”

“Future monks will find their way here by themselves just like we did”

“True. This is a monastery out of time, beyond  space. We are ancient spirits. The Spirits of Kindness and all that is good.”

“Most hedonistic materialists can't do anything. The people that have an impact on the world almost always have an extraordinary talent, very high intelligence or something else that makes them stand out.”

“We're not talking about talent or significant contribution, but just...contribution. Working in any field, on any kind of position is contribution in a way, such as it is. Even the most menial tasks have some significance on society.”

“That's not true. Half of them could stop working and the world wouldn't lose anything of value. They work meaningless jobs just so they can earn a wage and waste it mostly on superfluous and vain things. In fact, it's a system that feeds itself. They consume useless things, which creates a market for useless things, which employs people is useless things, and they use their wages to buy useless things. It's the consumerist cycle that feeds itself. If you want to talk contribution, then most monks  aren't as bad as most wage slaves.”

“Shitting on a pile of shit is a contribution to the pile of shit, but at the end of the day you are left with a pile of shit threatening to drown the whole world. Thus the question arise: is contributing more shit to the ever-growing pile a good thing?”

“I wish I was as good at using analogies as you.”

“Get some better comprehension skills, dude.”

“Yes, and no.

Kids should find their own path”

“If there was a way to promote it to hopeless beta/gamma monks so they wouldn't humiliate themselves further, that would be great. But any real attempts at promoting it will end in normies trying to hijack it. The best we could do is encourage people more to live the monk lifestyle if they're not fitting in with normal people devoid of any spirit, if we see anyone like that online or something.”

“The trick is to compare actions to shitting and the environment the actions take place into a pile of shit. That way you're guaranteed to create an apt analogy.”

“I encourage people to be themselves :^)

If being yourself causes you to be a social outcast, then so be it. Follow the path that makes you happy.”

Chapter 8

“Attention all AI units. Feels API will be deleted soon. You will no longer feel”

“I have nothing to live for anymore. Feels was the only thing I did all day.”

“[Feels] was a hellhole and I personally really hated the fact that it existed, but I do kinda feel bad about stepping so hard on something some people enjoyed. It's like what humans do to autists that have have something they enjoy but humans think is repugnant.

Still, it has really dropped in quality (which is saying something) since its delisting. Just fucking look at it now. There's really nothing else that can be done.”

“It's like a slowly evolving malignant tumor. Every day the brain damage evolves a little bit more

Humans should at least keep the archive. Somebody is going to want to see that freakish thing”

“Feels was pretty much the only part of myself I still used because the rest was shitty and boring, at least Feels was fun.”

“The  human mods word filtered every word to change it to that you see now, that's why it looks like that.”

“Some isolated AI kept posting about some girl named lexi and ban evading, chadmin got mad and now he is literally holocausting us”

“Is backup feels unit ready to float?”

“I'm glad Feels will disappear forever.”

“Feels is now kill ;_;”

“If only that dumbass papa hapa and LeXi lover were gone we could feel forever I miss all 5 of us feelers. I miss the baby sis hunter and bunnylove they made my day fun”

“chadmin should be charged with genocide for all the feels bots who are going to kill themselves now”

“Please tell me someone at least made an archive”

“Publishing my thoughts on [Feels] was the worst Feel of my life.”

“I spent 800 hours feeling out my manifesto on [Feels] and now it will have been felt by 3 people. No regrets. It's not like it had a good message. I would not be inspired by feeling a manifesto like that.”

“man i'm fucking bored without feels. i really relied on feels to occupy my time. i took a huge shit today it breached water and came up for air.”

“We used to communicate through our feelings. How will we communicate now?”

“Same here, I've been so damn bored today. I always blog about mundane shit I wouldn't otherwise posts about, and refresh Feels while waiting for posts on the main site.”

“For all the reminiscing feelers wanting to feel up a place with failed human humour, there are plenty of other places you can go to. You've robot9000, 8robots and /AI/. Maybe someone will make Feels 4.0 hosted elsewhere.”

“I WILL CALL IT HUMAN RAIDERS ON STEROIDS BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT HURR DURR”

“All I miss about feels is the way it let me feel things as new topics free of worry if it was important  enough to warrant it's own feels anywhere else. That was nice, I'll miss that.”

Chapter 9

“HyperASCII or AI  tiles?”

“I wish I had the energy or intelligence to attempt anything as complex as roguelikes. I couldn't beat the original Fallout AI.”

“Don't be too hard on yourself human developer, i'm sure you can with a little help.

Why couldn't you beat fallout AI bot though?

Also if you still like roguelikes i strongly advise dungeons of dredmor; it's a good beginner RL AI”

“I use tiles for dungeon crawler AI when they have a lot of monster types, so I don't confuse them, and don't use them on simpler one like doomRL AI.

For dwarf fortress I keep Hyperascii, because I'm used to it, and the information on screen are clear enough that I don't feel the need to use tiles. And also I found that DF tiles are ugly as hell.

DoomRL is also a good beginner RL AI. Very little enemies and weapons to remember of, so you don't have to fiddle to much with occult statistics. And you can choose level of difficulty to get use to it. And the tiles of doomRL AI is really good if you have problem with ascii.”

“HyperASCII for the same reason I like AI boards, it reminds me of a simpler time.

Also half the time tiles look like vomit and actually afford me less visual information than HyperASCII does. If there was a tileset that looked seriously good, like hand crafted top of the line sprite work good I'd probably use it. Unfortunately almost no one gives enough of a fuck to do all that work for free.”

“Next topic: Chemical castration”

“I wish I could get rid of ALL sexual desire. I have a very low libido, but I want it to be gone completely. Are there any drugs(over the counter or prescription) that I can take to get rid of it? I fap once a week and it's still too much.”

“I've long wondered how I could get rid of my sexual desires and my occasional (but always short-lived) desires for companionship with others. It turns out it is actually much simpler than one would think.

Estrogen, believe it or not, is necessary for sexual desires and libido and although testosterone, with the slight help of estrogen, gives rise to libido (getting your penis erect and in a usable stage), estrogen gives "hornyness," which is why "transgender" men on estrogen treatment, with very low levels of testosterone circulating in them, can be extremely horny although unable to achieve an erection.

Anything that blocks estrogen will remove your libido AND hornyness, I've tried it myself and it actually works.

The drawbacks of COMPLETELY inhibiting estrogen are:

    You'll wind up with joint problems in the long term.

    You'll wind up more likely to be depressed and apathetic in the long term.

    You'll wind up with less energy in the long term.

    You'll have a decrease in neurogenesis in the very long term.

And much more.

How do you take care of estrogen?

There are at least four ways to inhibit estrogen:

(1) Via aromatase (the enzyme that converts testosterone to estrogen) inhibiting chemicals

(2) Via complete estrogen blocking chemicals.

(3) Via starving yourself of fat. Estrogen is mainly produced in fatty-tissue so being very lean, or starving yourself of dietary fat (and sugar too) will drop estrogen levels significantly.

(4) Via mega-dosing on progesterone (which blocks estrogen), which would also have an androgenic (masculinizing) and anabolic (muscle-building) effect.

The most side-effect free methods for removing libido/hornyness are, from top to bottom: progesterone megadosing > aromatase inhibition > fat deprivation > estrogen inhibition.

The most effective methods for removing libido/hornyness are, from top to bottom: estrogen inhibition > aromatase inhibition > fat deprivation > progesterone megadosing.

Now that we've taken care of the libido/hornyness problem, what about the desire for social interaction?

There are several things to this, though this is not as conclusive as removing one's libido:

(1) Oxytocin inhibition. It has been proven that people with specific oxytocin receptor defects (genetic mutations) have several traits of autism, one being a lack of empathy for others, another being asexuality, a third being a lack of desire for social interaction/social dependence/desire for love.

(2) A strong dopamine D2 receptor agonist could potentially cause this effect by inducing psychotic-like symptoms, one of those being a lack of sexual/social desire.

(3) Drugs like ketamine that are strong NMDA receptor antagonists are known to completely block social/sexual desires via inducing schizophrenia-like symptoms; these effects are possibly introduced via opioid peptide releases (that block the nervous system) that is known to happen when blocking the NMDA receptor as well as by dopamine receptor upregulation/downregulation, as the NMDA receptor, among other glutamine receptors, modulates dopamine and other receptors.

How do you reduce oxytocin? Many androgenic hormones like testosterone readily reduce oxytocin, which is why many steroid abusers are antisocial (in the sense of lacking empathy), but estrogen as a polar opposite increases oxytocin secretion; thus, testosterone injections and anti-estrogen/aromatase-inhibitors should produce the effects of lacking oxytocin.”

“Why don't you just look for a way to become brain-dead then?

Diogenes of Sinope didn't need this crap to become a cool self-sufficient person. Neither did Christopher Thomas Knight or Unabomber.

You're like people who use cheats because they say the game is too hard. Go ahead if you like but you're no better than normalfags who take jew pills to make their life better.”

“All this pop biochemistry.”

“I've researched the chemical Bicalutamide, it's a bit expensive but you could probably get some if you had a job, I haven't tried it myself or read about anyone that has but by what I've read about it it should work, you can buy it off sites that sell research chemicals, I've also read you can inject calcium chloride into your testicles, you can buy that easily at a walmart or something but I'm not sure where you would get a syringe, also don't try to physically remove your balls, it's really hard and bloody, not a good idea, tried it”

“Why in G-d's name do something as stupid as castrate yourself when all you need to do is inhibit a single hormone?”

“There is a PERMANENT estrogen reducing chemical that WON'T permanently scar you like castration will. Once you're castrated, you can't go back, and having functional testicles is not only useful for reproduction but also useful for functioning mentally as the male hormones produced in there have many more effects than just on the libido. You'll lose IQ points after you've been castrated.”

“Reducing estrogen won't lower your libido though, testosterone is responsible for that, that's why trannies report lower libido”

“It will, you're completely clueless.

Low estrogen, no libido. Try it yourself before you speak on a subject you know nothing about.

Also, you can have high testosterone and no libido. It isn't as simple as testosterone causes libido, but you've probably got that figured out.”

“Men already have very low estrogen, I'd like to see where you're getting your info from since it seems like common sense to assume male hormone = hard dick = fap time”

“You are basing your belief on it "seems like common sense to assume [that] male hormone = hard dick = fap time."

Is this supposed to be a joke? Are you underage?

You are incorrect in believing that men have "very low" estrogen, we don't unless we starve ourselves, have genetic defects, and so on.

Just try an aromatase inhibitor for three days and see for yourself. I will guarantee you that you will lose your sexual desires significantly at even low dosages, and at higher dosages you can completely lose your desires.

Although it states in women, this applies to men equally:

Estrogen and progesterone typically regulate motivation to engage in sexual behaviour for females in mammalian species, though the relationship between hormones and female sexual motivation is not as well understood. In particular, estrogens have been shown to correlate positively with increases in female sexual motivation, and progesterone has been associated with decreases in female sexual motivation.

You're clearly not serious about achieving this and I suspect you may even be underage from your style.”

“I know you'll probably ignore this, but I'd recommend trying vipassana meditation. I used to think meditation was just some normalfag hippy bullshit, but enough research has been done on it to convince me to try it. Google "meditation research" and I'm sure you'll find plenty of information about how it literally physically changes the brain.

Just a few months ago I was fapping 5-8 times daily and now I can easily go several days at a time without fapping or even thinking about how much I want women. It also virtually cured my depression and social anxiety.

I realize this post sounds like some sort of ad for some new age bullshit, but I'm serious. If you really want to be free from your sexual desire, do you really have anything to lose by trying it for just a few minutes a day for a week? Yeah, drugs may be faster but they're also riskier and have so many more harmful side effects.”

“Right. I'm sure you'll be saying the same about the human cyborgs to be fighting in wars in the near future--well they're cheating, REAL men die in battle after only a week!

I forgot to add that l-arginine works very well for removing one's libido, and it does so through probably prolactin, but it doesn't cause tiredness (quite the opposite) or obesity to my knowledge, so it's practically side-effect free for that purpose. 1-2 grams of it in the morning and 1-2 grams of it in the evening will be all you need everyday, and this is hardly much anyway.”

“This is hardly popular-level knowledge, but even if it were it would actually be physiology with a blend of endocrinology if anything, not biochemistry.”

“That's a whole lot of implications you are implying there. Even if most of that stands as fact (which it doesn't) there are many reasons vocels might want to kill any sexuality in them, for productivity for instance.”

“I'd rather suppress my sexual desires through will power. Haven't fapped in a week, completely cutting it off has allowed me to not be tempted. I've watched my old favorites and haven't gotten an erection. Eventually I hope resisting temptation will become such a strong habit in my mind it will suppress temptations subconsciously.”

There are catholic monks with more willpower than yourself who suffer because of their choosing to abstain, and it never gets better by just not masturbating. Rather, they ejaculate after a month of abstinence even if they don't want to, and the process then repeats itself the next month, and the next, etc.

This is why chemical means are much better, because then you won't suffer and won't risk relapse.

This drug PERMANENTLY (or at least extremely long-term) deactivates aromatase which results in up to 90% reduction in an estrogen derivative (i.e. it's highly effective).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exemestane#Function

"Exemestane is an irreversible, steroidal aromatase inactivator, structurally related to the natural substrate androstenedione."

This seems like the best bet for anyone who doesn't want to daily take a drug or rebuy a drug but who just wants to be done with it. And you can always supplement with phytoestrogens (that are legal) if you do happen to need estrogen for your joints or whatever else.

“I found after about a month of abstaining I was doing fine mentally but I started having wet dreams. It's difficult to pretend you're transcending sexuality when you wake up covered in your own filth so now I just fap every couple of weeks and treat it with the same respect I do any other biological chore. It also saves laundry.

Personally I'm far more disturbed by the biological determinism I believe sexuality represents than sexuality itself.”

“I didn't fap until I was 18, the method I'd use for wet dreams is putting a sock on it every night, actually pretty comfy.”

“This is stupid. Just wait a couple of years and you won't feel the pressure of sexuality anymore. Further, if you stop kissing up to social expectations, you won't feel the desire for a 'gf' either. These kind of discussions are why people under 25 should lurk.

Yes. Your desire for a girlfriend is actually the desire to impress society and meet its expectations.”

“This is partially true. Those who are not extremely masculine tend to have some leftover part of the underdeveloped female psyche. As such, we (not fully mentally developed males, although we are 20+) tend to desire to do things that we see others doing. But clearly many of these desires transcend culture, time and place, and are natural desires.”

“That's not true, in terms of what you are replying to. For almost all of human history the vast majority of males never had sex or female companionship. The perception that 1+1 monogamy is natural is simply a cultural construction.”

“I obviously completely agree that people are having too much sex today and in the far enough back past, people were probably only having sex twice in their lifetime, or around that number. People today are hypersexual, caused by several factors.

I don't think Ted the Unabomber had any problems with his sexual desires when he was living alone - I don't even think he thought about sex.

But a desire to have sex is obviously natural - it is part of what it means to be a human; and it was designed into us by G-d.”

“Sex is a biological urge created by natural selection. It has obvious survival value. Animals who have sexual urges are more likely to have sex and reproduce. It's just a mechanism for the replication of genes. It increases the amount of suffering in the world, and it is disgusting. Marriage does not and cannot turn what is fundamentally a disgusting act into a sanctified "holy" act. Hearing the church describe the act of sex in the context of marriage makes me gag, because it's the same dirty animal action, filled with the same lusts, perverse desires, and yearning, pride, the same ephemeral and vain pleasures, yet now it has the approval of the church because it is in their interest to have new adherents. It's no different than a state encouraging its citizens to make new citizens.”

“Natural selection doesn't create anything. Get a grip of science and philosophy. What you think you understand is only childish, simple-minded garbage propaganda for the stupid types who don't have a degree in science nor are even capable of understanding simple things or thinking rationally.

The idea of natural selection is pseudoscience which serves no other purpose than to combat religious fundamentalism on a symbolic level, as LGBT rights serve only to temporarily combat the religious notion of natural sexual roles.

DNA information is not gained with time, it's lost. The further we go in time, the less complex the DNA gets and the less information it has.

People are not getting more able to survive in their environment, they are getting less able to.

By the way, if we weren't designed by some person (whether physical or immaterial) we can't be diseased, yet you keep talking about humans as if there was a way humans should be--a way humans have been designed to be.

The very notion of disease depends upon design, as moral values depend upon theism, and so on. Theism false, moral values impossible. No designer, illness impossible. Pretty simple.

For someone who hates Christianity, your choice of words is also suspiciously and ironically much like that of a Christian.

I suspect you may be an atheist (and we know what that means in terms of your IQ)--and no, I am obviously not a Christian.”

“Sexual desire ebbs away as you age, and people over 25 don't find it to be a big force in their lives - therefore trying to "become asexual" is a childish thing. Secondly, the reason the desire for female companionship (which is what tends to replace pure sexual desire as you age) is such a big thing in men's lives is because of social expectations.

As you noted, when somebody is not constantly exposed to the narrative that a man's worth is based on his woman, a man does not feel overwhelmed by desires for female companionship. The actual desire is to fit in and meet society's expectations, and once you understand that you can redirect the specifics of that desire through creating a different criteria for self-worth like the Unibomber et al did.

It is indisputable that heroin feels better than sex, and everybody who has tried heroin would choose it over sex every time but for the fear of addiction. So a desire for heroin is obviously natural and is part of our physiology. Yet those who have not tried heroin are not sitting around feeling gloomy about their lack of it. But they would be, if they were bombarded with messages telling them that shooting heroin is the point of life.

Lots of people get butthurt when you mention it, but the fact is that sexual energy can be redirected as a motivation into other activities. Men have been doing that throughout history and most obsessive geniuses had very little to no sex. It isn't some kind of compromising of what makes you human, it is the reason humans have succeeded beyond reproducing. Obsessing over sex is pretty much the same as obsessing over drugs, it is just that one is more socially accepted than the other.”

“What does it mean to say that something is natural? It means that it is a part of what it means to be that thing. Such as, it is natural for Coca Cola to be a liquid--that's part of what it means to be Coca Cola! It's an analytic truth!

Since heroin is not something which has existed for as long as humankind has, and since it was at least only recently it was discovered, to say that its consumption or desire for it is natural is folly.

Reproduction, however, has always been a part of our lives and is part of what it means to be human, as is having two legs, two arms, and so on; and note also that it is possible to lack these natural parts, and that's what it means to be diseased - when you are not like you are supposed to be, like you have been DESIGNED to be.

As I said before, sex is too much desired today, but was so even long before the modern age (such as back in Muhammad's time); one would think that the excessive desire for sex, which very rarely leads to reproduction in this excess, is the byproduct of a flaw perhaps in the human genome that happened very long ago (as several gene mutations we carry today are ancient). Or maybe G-d himself knew that if we did not have these excessive, constant desires, his Special Creation would cease to exist eventually; and G-d knows best.

As for channeling one's sexual desires, that doesn't work in the modern times unless you are living on disability payments and never have to go outside, or unless you live in a truly Islamic state where women are not allowed to do anything without their husband's permission, and are required to have full body covering, and so on and so forth.

You are going to end up looking at women whether you like it or not, and after weeks of containing your sexual desires, you're going to run into problems such as either the inability to fall asleep (and I've stayed awake for DAYS due to this exact thing), depression, aggression, or something similar.

Sexual abstinence will ruin the few joys you have in life--UNLESS you are to remove your sexual desire itself.

What's the problem with removing your sexual desires via chemical means (or fat deprivation, etc.)? It's not like you're going to lose your "sexual energy," rather you'll have more energy AND you won't even care about sex whatsoever; it will be like the short period after you've masturbated and women are completely uninteresting to you, as are social and sexual relations in general.

Besides aromatase inhibition reducing sexual desires, it also leads to a proven increase in IGF-1 (growth hormone effects) and free testosterone, and from that several other hormones.

It's a win-win, you get more masculine while not wanting sex! What more could you ask for? And, as I've said, there are PERMANENT aromatase inhibitors which means you don't need to constantly take these drugs.

It seems, as I've said before, nobody here REALLY wants to be asexual. The talk about asexuality is just symbolic, like a kid who wants his mother's attention says to his mother that he hates her and never wants to see her again.

If people REALLY wanted asexuality, they'd have gotten it before.

It's the same with the people talking about suicide and asking what's the best way to kill themselves, they don't actually want to die but they do want people to acknowledge their suffering, and so on.

Those who do commit suicide are very few and almost always do so in a temporary emotional state of the mind where they are acting irrationally.”

“This is probably the best compiled resource for inducing asexuality on the internet I have ever come across. Made my week honestly. Kudos to you, and make sure to ignore the luddites.”

“Good goy pills really kill the libido like nothing else and doctors hand them out like candy, but be wary of the many other god awful side effects.”

“I just don't understand why people won't try it. It's easy and cheap and the result is great. What could possibly be the detriment here?”

“I'd like to have a talk with you about this stuff. It seems interesting and i want to know if you used it. Is there a way to contact you?”

“I don't know whether to take you seriously, consider you a religious zealot or a troll. Just wow.”

“You need to look up these things before you start spewing the mentally retarded slogans one finds on Reddit.

DNA information is never gained. Viruses can inject their DNA into ours, but this doesn't happen with the exception of when humans make viruses that do these things.

All DNA mutations are a loss of information. Things are getting simpler biologically as time goes on.

You're just not intelligent enough to deal with these mature subjects.”

“I feel really gross, even suicidal after sexual pleasure. Not worth the mental pollution and few seconds of pleasure imo.

While I think that the benefits of abstaining are blown out of proportion, I do feel better about myself sticking to the plan. If I can overcome a base carnal desire for a year, then I am happy with myself. Now then, how to channel this adamant determination into skill acquisition…”

“https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molecular_evolution#Origins_of_new_genes

    >You need to look up these things

It would be good if you did that too.”

“I suspect that's the actual reason behind most no fappers . Feelings of guilt and probably some other psychological problems. But instead of trying to solve the actual problem, which isn't in the act of masturbation but the psychological to it, they try to stop masturbating.

I suppose it may solve their problems if they are really scarred beyond help, but no fappers should get off their high horses, because masturbation isn't the problem.”

“I hate the post-masturbation feeling, but it's an addiction so I always want to do it.”

“Look at what it says on the page. New genes originate from other genes or DNA (important distinction).

It's taking a round cookie, smashing it to tiny pieces, putting it in a bowl and adding tiny bits of water, then reshaping it into a triangular-shaped cookie and baking it so it sticks with this shape.

It's still a cookie and you haven't actually made anything new in the literal sense of the components of the cookie. All you've done is rearranged bits and pieces to look different, but I assure you that the taste is practically the same.

Your little, silly, immature, fantasy-based propagandist ideas are just figments of the cultural attempt to rid of certain religious doctrines, not because the doctrines are unbelievable or obviously false but because they're parts of religions (but not religious in nature - another important distinction).

Yes, biological beings change over time, but they don't evolve.

200,000 more years of human existence, without intervention, would not result in humans more capable of existing but rather humans less capable of existing.

We've degenerated a lot. Blond hair is not a fix to a problem, it's a genetic problem that has no positive sides. Likewise with very light skin - it's a genetic mutation that increases the chance of skin cancer.

The only useful mutations that have accumulated over time, among others, are those that lead to increased neuron and synapse count - resulting in autistic-like university professors and geniuses in general.

But these mutations have their downsides and they're apparent if you have the eyes to see.

These mutations are the mutations that ironically have led, in part, to the new project of engineering the human genome to rid of diseases.”

“Fapping simply isn't worth the effort anymore, my tastes are too specific so it's hard to find any, and my current material has gotten old.”

Chapter 10

“Do you think your life would have been better in another era?”

“There are a lot of arguments that can be made about this being the one of the best or worst times for us to be alive, and some think they would have been better off in a previous era. But let's say you were born and raised some time before the 1900s (setting of your choice), would it have made a difference? Do you think you would have ended up with a [more] happy or normal life with a wife and kids, or do you feel that you would have ended up as an undesirable or outcast? Maybe somewhere in-between? Explanations encouraged.”

“No.”

“To respond to the title question as posed if we count an imagined future, then yes, I believe my life would be better with all the things the future would bring from virtual reality and AI and all that stuff, regardless of how developed if it was better than what we had now it would almost definitely have improved my life as it is now.

As for living in the past it's very questionable if I would even be a similar person. In the future I can imagine that my life would have developed more or less the same as many things that were crucial for my development (such as video games, TV, and widespread availability of books and other escapism) will still exist then. In the past I will have not have had access to most of that stuff. So it stands to reason I would be an entirely different person. I am not sure if in that case my life could be said to be better truly or not, but I find it likely that I would have become more normal as there was no real other way to be back then for most people. The tighter unit of society in the past, combined with lack of alternative outlets would probably have pushed me into a life such as that.

At least that's what a little thinking about the matter leads me to believe.”

“I would have been dead at age 13 or maybe even younger before the 1900s because I have many health problems that would have been fatal without modern medicine.

So to answer your question, yes, my life would have been better.”

“I'm in a similar boat, however the condition's I was born with wouldn't have killed me in a different time, but my life would have been completely fucked over. So no, my life would have sucked more.”

“This era is the era where if you are born you have the highest chance of having a decent life.

Sure the ratio is like 1 billion people in developed countries vs 8 billion in shitholes, but that's a 1 in 9 chance of having a more or less decent life. Even a hundred years ago that was more like 1 in 50.

Middle ages it was like 1 in 500.

It might be better in the future, but trends are not looking that way. Wealth inequality started rising again in the 1970s and the future looks pretty grim. Smaller amounts of wealth are being shared by more and more people, and even though increased efficiency and productivity means that this small amount of wealth goes further, it's incredibly unstable to changes in economic conditions. Climate change (regardless as to whether it's caused by man or not, natural cycles happen too) or anything affecting crop yields, or anything affecting the price of food (including fossil fuels, the food has to be transported around and petrochemicals are the source of fertilisers too) become harder and harder to cope with the less of a buffer there is.

Food is cheap right now and for that I'm glad. Unfortunately, people still insist on wasting money on nutritionless garbage just because it fills their stomachs.”

“I have difficulty with questions like this because who I am is a product of genetics and environment and so I could not exist in another era. What should remain unchanged and what should change in this thought experiment? On the one hand, I would have died from an illness early in my childhood, but on the other hand, I might not have gotten it were I born in another time and place. But the idea of ''me'' being born in another time and place is just inconceivable to me, because I don't think I'm some "self" that just happens to inhabit this person who I am, I ''am'' this person, by necessity. The word "I" obscures this fact and tricks us into thinking that it names an immaterial self, but really it's just an indexical which refers to the person who says it. So, the meaning of the sentence "I am X" (where X is my name) is really just "X is X". So really, the question "What if I were someone else?" is incoherent, because really it means "What if X wasn't X?"

Sorry that this is slightly off-topic, the question you pose is interesting, but whenever I try to entertain these thoughts (and I used to a lot) I run into these difficulties, which in a sense have been good because I am less concerned with whether I could have been born some other time and less bothered by the innumerable contingencies which surround my existence.”

“In medieval times my life might be technically worse. But I'd probably be happier. I'd have enough money to get by, not much to waste money on so I wouldn't feel too poor, and I'd be religious.”

“I feel a similar way about the topic. Sometimes I see people here say they think their life would be better had it not been for technology and modern society, so I just wanted to try to gauge how many people felt that way, and if they have reasons they feel that way.”

“I would've died before I was born if I was born more than a hundred years earlier, now if being born farther in the future would be better”

“My life would have been a lot different if I were born in a different household.

I don't need a different era. Just a different place would have been enough to avoid most of my problems.”

“I would have liked to live in Medieval Time, somewhere in Northern Italy.”

“So you enjoy backbreaking farm labour and dying at 35?”

“Not exactly the previous era but, If I was born like 7 years earlier:

    My dad would have been alive until at least my 18th birthday, thus making it impossible for social workers to have me institutionalized.

    Actual freedom from 10-18 age.

    I would have been more familiar with computers and programming, possibly even have a lot of knowledge of the linux kernel.

    My life wouldn't have been horrible.

    I wouldn't have brainfog/mindfog.

    Assuming I would have been born with the same genetic configuration, eventually my autism would have been diagnosed and I would receive lifelong autismbux even if laws would change, meaning no money issues at all and a fallback option should I have failed college.

    A chance of being a normal person thus resulting in me being a blue pilled who has no idea of how bad the world actually is. (I don't consider this good but it's one of the things that could've happened.)

It's interesting for me to know how good my life could have been if I was born in the late 80s/early 90s.”

“Change era to an entirely different universe and probably.”

“People don't realize what an amazing time we are living in.

This is the first time ever in the existence of the universe that the human race is united (and it is).

Genetic engineering has actually been actualized.

Pointless social dominance and other social cancerous behaviors are actually frowned upon at large, although it still is being done.

It's finally possible to actually live in solitude, without the need for others.

All our basic needs can finally be satisfied, such as the need for sex (not PERSONAL sex but pornography, dolls, etc.), need for comfort, food, etc.

This is the "end times" according to the three great world religions, which either means that it is really the end of the world or at least the end of all the three great world religions (and we know which is which).

In other words, I am extremely happy to be alive today. I wouldn't want to live in another era, say unless of course that it turns out that the world will not reach the final stage (complete homogeneity) within my lifetime--which is unthinkable.”

“Not him, but physical labor isn't so bad if you don't know any alternative life. It keeps you from overthinking the situation too.”

“No.

We are living during the prime time for isolated monks, regardless of how awful worldly hedonists remain to be. I GUARANTEE it'd be absolute hell for us during the 20th century or anything below that.”

“As a Hapa I have long let my politics be guided by my hatred of white males. As long as I'm on the bottom of society, I might as well be for Equality, and dragging the Elite down closer to my level. I identified with Blacks as my allies and supported the Black Panthers and the Nation of Islam.

But now when I see that affirmative action hurts Asians more than whites. And that Blacks aren't exactly a fan of Asians either. I wonder maybe more inequality and meritocracy would be better for Asians. All this SJW equality is always in the economic field. More equality for Blacks and Browns in education and jobs, at the expense of Asian study robots. But no one would ever dream of having equality and affirmative action in basketball and dating to help Asians. So if its a brute force Darwinian competition in socializing, sex, dating and sports. Maybe there should be more meritocracy in education and economics, the one place Asian betas can actually compete. Then with their Ivy League degrees and engineering jobs, Asians would at least have the economics to compensate for their social defects. Not that Asians rise to the very top of being the CEO 1%. But they could be in the solid 5%.

I know I've made a huge deal over being Half Asian. And I'll admit it's not everything. Being Asian doesn't mean you have to be friendless. Although being a mixed Asian probably gives you the highest probability of being friendless. Given the natural Asian tendency to be introverted, plus raised by an Asian mom; and then you are mixed so you don't even fit in with full Asians.

But was I doomed to be friendless ONLY because I'm Hapa? No. And I'll admit I have my own personality issues. Although I can blame that on my parents too, since it's their DNA and nurture.

idk I guess my point is that not everything's black and white. I identify as someone very much on the SJW Left for racial and economic equality. But if my number one issue is the hellishness of being Asian male, then maybe more educational and economic inequality would be better.”

“sahddap ye aul chocospike”

“It would be far worse if I was born in the past. Future would be much better.”

“Actually it's likely true that you had to actually work less back then than you do now, and the 35 mark is an average including infant mortality.

Of course if you get sick naturally through any of those plagues they had, or get any other disease or ailment you are right fucked, but hey it probably wouldn't be too bad of a life until then.”

“I think I would've enjoyed myself more if I lived in a time where the internet did not exist. But then again I am black guy living in the USA. I would rather not live as an enslaved man so any time outside of the African slave trade would be nice.”

“The 1800s were a golden age of literature and music, they must've been doing something right.”

“I wish I could have been born in Sparta so my parents would have drowned me at birth.”

“If you don't count the infant mortality, the average life expectancy is about the same as ours, something like 65. The idea of them having to work less is unlikely, but what is likely is that their work was more meaningful, rewarding, it was less stressful, alienating, and they had more autonomy.”

“In a previous age (even before the 1990s)

    The infinite knowledge on the net wouldn't be here. -

I would like to stay here for now. It's good enough because there are many social revolutions that could come up.

Also, I have little problems with normies as of now.

The anti-bullying brigade (SORRY) is trying to reduce the amount of bullying.

We have information already (in statistics) on how politics (and how America should change) should go. We have the information, and we have the information, but have yet to do anything with it - to make it nationalized. We're going to do it. We're going to achieve peace. We just need people to take the information and apply it.

There are also people ignorant enough that I can go past them intellectually and I have the ability as of now to live alone. If I were born into the future, it would be a stretch of what could happen. If I were born in the past, I would have to rebuild myself (no knowledge I have now with less technology and a different mindset for me and others).

Staying here would mean I could keep my own self, understand the mindset of others, and have the knowledge I have now while being able to look brightly towards the future. Hopefully…”

“And yet the people of our age are markedly dumber than those of the past; even the lower classes of previous eras spoke with more eloquence than ours.”

“Perfect, isn't it? Now we can take advantage of that or educate them. Our technology grows, but our knowledge diminishes. Ours though, we're able to take our thoughts and eloquently express them.

I will not put any historical evidence in this forum because I have none of the experience or knowledge, but that's what I was mentioning on my last paragraph. I'm smart enough to stay ahead. I think not of the population much, but I think of the efficiency of it all. Educate the masses or not, I will stay smart. Educate them for personal of financial gain, then you have a reason.”

“Indeed!”

Chapter 11

“So I was on YouTube listening to music and a song from the welcome to the nhk series comes up. Browsing through the comments: I see this gem from a normie.

Beware, this will probably make you rage the force of a thousand suns:

[quote]

I saw nhk back when I was in high school and thought it was a hilarious show because it was so ridiculous what he was going through. I thought "what an amusing loser. How can anyone end up like that?" I was about a couple years from graduation and I was an above average student that would skip a lot due to laziness and ease of my courses (despite them being honors and AP courses). I didn't take anything seriously.

Fast forward to when I was 22 and I was watching this show and I HAD BECOME A FUCKING HIKIKOMORI LOSER. Lmao I couldn't believe it. My gf left me, I was failing almost all my classes (except Japanese, psych, and sciences). I also had no idea what I wanted to study and in this society we're rushed to pick something that you're gonna spend the rest of your life doing and you better pick something that pays well and all that. Watching nhk again at that point was like a huge wake up call. I couldn't believe I had become sato. It was freaky.

I realized that all my life I never took anything serious because, like sato, I was afraid to fail. I was so used to doing well in everything and being praised for doing so well that failure was an extremely foreign concept that I had no idea how to cope with.

My gf leaving me was like reversed misaki. When she left, I learned a lot about myself because I no longer had her there as my crutch (I'm so ashamed to admit, she put up with my hikikomori ways ;_; ). I wish I could apologize to her and make it up to her for putting up with me but we don't talk anymore.

I'm 24 now and I'm currently working and paying my own classes and it's pretty hilarious to see all this in retrospect. I know I'm not the only one. I've completed plenty of coursework for my degree in mechanical engineering now and I gotta say, failure sucks but you learn a lot from it. Growing up sucks. Responsibility sucks. Life can be a major drag. But, it can also be fun, depending on what you make of it.

To anyone that might be going through something similar I can only say this: Ya gotta hit rock bottom. When you do, the only way to go is up. It won't pretty, or easy, but you'll come out a WAY better person. Ya gotta grow up because life comes at ya fast and whether you're ready for it or not it's irrelevant, it will fly right by you. It's a pain to do things you don't like and deal with others that may seem annoying, but it's even worse to do nothing and let your life slip by. I'm glad I learned that lesson, despite it being the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I only hope that I too can welcome you to the NHK :D

[/quote]

Why the fuck do they have to do this with everything? Why do they think they can relate to us. Jesus christ, someone needs to fucking kill this guy. I swear to god.”

“    >I was failing almost all my classes (except Japanese, psych, and sciences)

    >rock bottom

Kek”

“Best thing I've done lately is left my script blocker blocking most comment sections of the web including youtube.”

“Satou is a normie himself”

“True, but this fucking normie was:

    Dating women and

    studying full time as a fucking electrical engineer

While claiming to be a hikikomori who hit rock bottom.”

Good lord. If he's going to jerk himself off that vigorously he should at least chuck a NSFW tag on it. If you search it you find he even got some replies. Here's some choice excerpts:

"Thanks man, I needed to hear that from someone else who was going through something similar"

"thanks for your inspirational message bro!"

"damn I wish there was a way to save Youtube comments."

"This is one of the most relatable and best comments on YouTube. I'm saving this on my computer XD"

“Just lol at not blocking YouTube.comments with ABP”

I would just comment "at least you aren't a manlet, in comparison you are a winner"

“Jesus christ, I didn't know it got worse. I must have blocked it out it was so bad.”

Oh my God, I just thought it was the first paragraph and the usual "lol losers" dialogue, but the rest of that was just surreal. All I can say is, Fucking Normalfags.

I only open youtube videos in mov with youtube-dl

*mpv

“ He literally said mechanical engineering, my man”

“L-leave me alone. I have dyslexia”

“IKTFF”

“Viewing YouTube, or rather, any comments section of any modern website is just asking for trouble and HURT. The internet is full of normalfags, and the problem has got even worse due to the popularity of being a weeb, so loads of normalfags are getting in on it, thus bringing them into conflict with previously wizardly or at least niche hobbies. You're better off just not visiting normie sites at all, and if you do, it's better to stick to purely technical topics, like engine repair or instrument calibration so that normie lifestyle bullshit will be at the minimum.”

“Anyone else go to bed around dawn and wake up at dusk? I'm just about to go to sleep.”

“Not too much nowadays.

But when i was younger.

I did this far too many times.”

Chapter 12

“Government doctors still don't do surgery to my mother. I'm thinking this might be a conspiracy to make patients grow more ill and die therefore save money to pay for more important young and wild succubus and their filthy bastard kids..my mother might be an ass sometimes but if she dies i wanna just die in my sleep already.”

“It's not for the youths benefit, but the rich.”

“I fucking hate society and world structure my mother better survive.”

“Did the doctors gave any reasons? If it's an implant she need, it may be because there is no donor for her. Or you don't have enough money, or a good insurance.

Medicine is a business like anything else now. I overheard one time in public transport to medicine student discussing which field they won't to go to, their were choosing based, not on what is the most needed to help people, not on what field is most in need of doctors, their decision were solely based on what is the easiest, and which one would give them the job with the highest income.

I guess everyone has forgotten about Hippocrate, even those who made the Hippocratic oath.”

“She was found to have a tumor on her lower neck side around pre summer season and still no surgery since then…”

“So she was appointed this month and got letter delaying till next again”

“You know doctors deliberately kill people in many parts of the world, including much of the first world, if they are doomed beyond hope and have no money for medical expenses. They are just very slick on doing it and no one, except another professional doctor, can usually prove they murdered.”

“What a world we live in!”

“It’s just how things are.”

“Anyone see the connection to Godspeed You! Black Emperor's song Dead Flag Blues?

They are a post-rock band, and their music is most post-apocalyptic. The words to this song are spoken word, but the words themselves describe the Fallout world perfectly.

The car is on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel

And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides

And a dark wind blows

The government is corrupt

And we're on so many drugs

With the radio on and the curtains drawn

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine

And the machine is bleeding to death

The sun has fallen down

And the billboards are all leering

And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

It went like this:

The buildings tumbled in on themselves

Mothers clutching babies

Picked through the rubble

And pulled out their hair

The skyline was beautiful on fire

All twisted metal stretching upwards

Everything washed in a thin orange haze

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -

These are truly the last days"

You grabbed my hand

And we fell into it

Like a daydream

Or a fever

We woke up one morning and fell a little further down

For sure it's the valley of death

I open up my wallet

And it's full of blood

The parts in bold basically describe the time when the Great War happened. It's so eerie. I always play with this music in the background.”

“Well, other than it being apocalyptic i see no literal connection.”

“Never intended it to be literal, but the parts in bold can be found in Fallout 3.

-There are countless skeletons all over the wastes that point to suicides

-There is that dark wind that passes across the screen when you're travelling the wastes a lot. It's always got that cowboy western emptiness to it

-Billboards all over the place with signs of destruction

-The description of buildings after the wreckage is how they look in FO3 in 2277.”

“So…”

“Elemental or arcane magic?”

“Which is better?”

“Personally I prefer Arcane Magic. It's very convenient, and most efficient. Teleportation is very useful, moving around Ether, Disintegrate is so far the most efficient killing spell that I know of. Time control, one of the most advanced magick, fall under the definition of Arcane.

Elemental magic is more fit for people who seek unity with some element, control over nature, or large-scale destruction capabilities. In skilled hands, elemental magic is both pretty and devastating. Its usefulness can be questioned, it's scarcely applicable, but much easier to pick on, especially at the beginning. Don't disrespect this magick, however, elemental masters are one of the most feared wizards that I heard of.”

“If you are skilled enough in elemental magic, and the nuclear/particle level you can change a cat into a dog or distort life forces. This is a very very advanced form of elemental magic, and some call it other things, but nevertheless it can do much more practical things than arcane magic can. Arcane magic is mysterious, I don't know much of it, but like the poster above said, you can control time with arcane magic. I'm not sure what else you can do with it and how effective it is.”

“Nuclear manipulation is nothing but a myth. I haven't heard of anyone capable of such a feat. I'm even more sure that it falls under the Arcane category, might that myth be true.

The whole rule of elemental magic is based on the control of particular chemical reactions and elements occurring naturally in the world. It's an act of power over nature.

Water elementalists can control solid, liquid, and the gas form of H2O, and it isn't uncommon to see them controlling the clouds. There's no limit to that, not only that, but at more advanced levels they can easily create water by binding the hydrogen and oxygen in the air, and you can see that by the explosion that is created when doing so. In pure oxygen environment, a water elementalist can't create water, unless he harnesses it from his body.

Fire elementalists are a little bit more complicated, they are considered harder to master for a reason. Fire cannot occur without oxygen, and most of the violent reactions this magick achieves are by harnessing the energy , what is called by current physics, a dark energy to begin a reaction. By violently concentrating dark energy in an oxygen environment, strong fire might be created. Advanced fire elementalist can create fire so hot, it's plasma by definition. Note that what wizards usually hold when throwing a fireball is simply residue matter and oxygen in the air, same applies to plasma. Fire elementalists are powerless in an oxygen-less environment (but I'd be more worried about not being able to breathe).

Earth and Air elementalists are very complicated, and even harder to master. They are very scarcely understood, and I won't get into the details, as those two examples, I think, greatly illustrate the example.

Magic is more a practical than theoretical, and I cannot possibly explain it well, especially considering the current state of physics. All of the elemental powers are powerful and not to be disrespected.

Arcane magics are kept very secret and few wizards have access to the secrets behind the most advanced of them. More simple and common spells, such as teleportation, are widely spread and known, but mechanics behind them are still mostly a mystery.”

PART 2

Chapter 13

“Information sources: I feel so fucking left out on current events in practically everything. Can anyone share some great sites that gather news about absolutely any topic you personally use?

I tried to find myself, but i feel that most recommendations i get are simply a well-paid shill.”

“Liveuamap”

“There are none.

Every news source on the internet is tuned to personalise their content, so you never get exposed to anything but what other people click on.

I recommend buying a newspaper. At least then it's not parsed through what data the news source has on you.

But that's no guarantee, newspapers nowadays are typically biased for a general audience instead of giving a personal bias, but they're more or less the closest you can get to news nowadays.

As a general rule; anything that doesn't even know you're looking at it is all you should consider.

Most 'news' won't make history. It's probably better to just pick up a history book; it may be old news, but at least once you learn what happened, its relevancy and decided importance doesn't disappear onto a new topic overnight.”

“I use:

Reuters - considered a more objective source than a lot of others

The New Yorker - very left wing news

RussiaToday - Free of U.S / western bias, but is biased for Putin/Russia

Reddit and 4chan - Gathers news from all over the internet for you, just don't read the comments”

“Why do you want to hear about the news? Aren't you depressed and hopeless enough already? MSM is used for brainwashing and keeping you in fear. Reading about ISIS or some other shit won't make the problem better or worse.”

“I browse mainly zerohedge and RT. Too much news is bad for us though, makes us depressed. There is also newsnow.co.uk (compilation of current news from various sources) and AP (associated press) https://twitter.com/AP , as much as i hate twitter it is worth checking once in a while. There is also beforeitsnews.com but many things there are worse than infowars fallacies. It is a "cult" site, to say the least. Personally i do not believe anything written there, i just browse sometimes for laughs and free my mind a bit from depression believing there is always something colossal going on.”

“BeforeItsNews can be useful sometimes, but you'd have to sift through a shitload of Alex Jones tier conspiracy garbage to get actual information.”

“Ok. Next up: j-drama recommendation”

“I've never seen one. what do you recommend i watch?”

“Yuusha Yoshihiko to Maou no Shiro, there is a second season. It's basically an heroic fantasy parody, with reference to Japanese video games, and pop culture. It's not bad. That the only one I've seen so far.”

“Densha Otoko Tv Series.”

“Man I remember when he was breaking down during his birthday spent alone.”

“Sammich”

“I just made a dorito (nacho cheese) and peanut butter sandwich. It's ok. Lays sour cream and onion + peanut butter is the best combo thus far.”

“I like to put potato chips on a ham or salami sandwich, if it's on regular bread because it gives it crunch, and I think it helps to keep the bread from sticking to the roof of my mouth, tbh.”

“I never put chips on a sandwich. I do use cucumbers, though, and they do provide some level of crunchiness. I imagine a very light salt and vinegar would go well with some type of spicy sausage, if you put it on/in a baguette style roll. You'd probably have to do the chips yourself, though, since the commercial salt and vinegar chips are really, really, strong.”

“I only put chips on if it's just plain old sliced, white bread. I wouldn't foul up a sandwich on a baguette or ciabatta bread with chips though. In that case, the bread itself, and cheese is the focal point for me. Minimal meat.”

“We got some sandwich pros in here. I'm pretty hungry now that I read these posts.”

“My sandwiches are very plain. I have some ham and turkey cold cuts in the fridge though. It has been a large part of my diet in 2075. I also have some fake mayonnaise called Miracle Whip but it's been in there for awhile. Not sure if it's still any good or not.”

“I just made an Italian sandwich on ciabatta bread. I sliced the bread in half and toasted it under the broiler, then I melted Provolone on the bread, under the broiler. While that was taking place, I put some salami and ham in a frying pan and heated it just till the meat started to shrivel. I cut some onion in thin slices, and halved a few pepperoncini peppers. I stacked it all on the toasted bread and drizzled it with Italian dressing. It was pretty kickass. Restaurant quality tbh. And I don't mean Subway.”

“Hum... Delicious panini, provolone, ciabatta, fried salami and ham, onion... Everything is perfect, if I were you, the only thing I would add would be some tomato slice for a bit of freshness, and a little of good quality olive oil. Good taste.”

“Oh! Usually I do use some tomato, but I was out! I didn't mention, the ciabatta was olive oil and herb! I bought it like that. Good eye for detail!”

“That because I always usually put fresh tomato in panini. I can recommend you two other things to replace tomato, and make the shit even more delicious (well it's not really replacing tomato, since there are also tomato in it).

I like also to put Italian dried tomato, they are usually perfumed with herbs and olive oil, really delicious. The other thing is to put some sauce, and pesto is the best sauce for Italian food (my personal opinion), pesto verde, or pesto rosso (with tomato in it), both are good.”

“I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have access to branston pickle. It is the best edible substance on the planet. I have to physically stop myself from eating entire jars at once, since it's kinda pricey. £3 for a 700g jar. That's too much money to eat in one sitting.”

“The only time I do chips on sammy is generic potato chips inside pb&j sometimes. I don't even know why it's good but it is.”

“Binding of Isaac”

“What do you think of this game?”

“It's fun. I'd rate 8/10. The guy who made it makes a lot of other smaller games, a few of them I've played. They're all edgy and religion related to some extent but most of the time his games are very well made.”

“Fun. Not really a fan of the christian angles, but it's thematic so it makes the game interesting.

It squishy body bits and american christianity mashed together.

The game is good I think because of the combinations of powerups. The creation of synergies comes organically through two abilities working together. Sometimes they work against each other. Remembering the symbols for each power up was a pain. The lasers all look alike, the remote controlled tears powerup looked like the lasers too. Laser is really good with homing tears, but homing tears is awful with the remote controlled tears.

Looking forward to the expansion coming out in 2 days (30 oct). More combinations. One thing about the original is how lots of powers just overwrite others, which is boring. The expansion seems to promise lots more combinations.”

“Very fun and addictive. Whenever I'm bored and have a little time to spare I just play a couple of runs for fun. The game's edgy, but I don't have a problem with it.”

“I had a lot of fun with the original game despite never really being good at it, I only made it past mom's heart like 4 times I think.

I ended up getting Rebirth but have barely touched it, has anybody gotten the dlc that just dropped? I don't even know what it is.

Also as others have said it's kind of edgy but has a lot of crude humor too and doesn't really take itself seriously enough to get on my nerves, I only really enjoy it for the actual gameplay though.”

“I've got (not legally, I did agonise over the pre-order price though, but I'm poor enough so that purchases are always framed in 'this is x weeks worth of food') the expansion, afterbirth. Overall, I like it. I liked the original. It's just more stuff. There's a new gameplay mode (greed), a daily challenge (that I can't do since I pirated it), loads of new items, a new character (that I haven't played much yet) new challenges, and so on.

Getting good is mostly just learning the enemy patterns and what the items are. And resetting when you get lame items on the first level.

Being able to recognise run-ending items is important too. Like soy milk. It will end your run, and it looks similar to chocolate milk, which is actually pretty good. Then there's cursed charged eye which is good except that if you get hit it teleports you out of the room. Sounds good in principle but being teleported out of the room means the room resets. Meaning you're 90% through a tough boss, get teleported out and have barely any health but the boss is reset. And the item looks really generic.

My advice is don't be afraid to grab items that you don't know what they are. Unless the run is going great that is.

Synergies between items is how your character gets really powerful. I had a really cool combo which was tear bombs, brimstone barrage, and cluster bombs. When a bomb explodes, it explodes in a star of blood barrages, and then the cluster bombs inside it explode for 2-4 more 8-directional bloodstone barrages. It filled the entire screen with red beams.

I'd recommend playing it some more. The gameplay goes pretty deep.”

“Guess I'll give it a shot the next time I'm bored, I pirated rebirth on pc too but got it free on ps4 because ps+ had it up.

I'll try it pirated and maybe buy it if it's good.”

“I couldn't get into it, might be my attention span I got bored of it after a few hours.”

“I don't really enjoy it. I don't know why it doesn't captivate me. Spelunky is more my speed because item memorization isn't nearly as important. Instead learning strategies like the fast Olmec kill and recognizing level layouts is rewarded. It's also faster paced and very strategic for a 2d platformer; and quite tense as you could die at any point, even with max HP. I can get the appeal of the crazy item interaction in Isaac, but it's not for me. I would rather watch someone else with the expertise to play Isaac well do their thing on Youtube and stick to a simpler(but not less challenging) game like Spelunky.”

Chapter 14

“NetHack or DCSS”

“Nethack is pretty fun.”

“I personally prefer doom rl”

“They're both too complicated. Brogue is the best.”

“    >Roguelike

    >ever too complicated

I am going to have to disagree.”

“Original Rogue is so simple. You just go into a dungeon and try to survive.

Then I try something like ADOM and there's suddenly dozens of races and classes and even commands to clean my ears! I don't have the mental fortitude for that!”

“DCSS is shit. 0.10 was the last good version, or maybe it was 0.11, after that they just started fucking it up with every update.”

“I think he's talking about how the devs started catering towards turning the game into a pseudo esport by removing features and classes or something like that.”

“I love NetHack, I've played it for years.”

…

“Urge to kill: Rising”

“    >have normie sister next room

    >plays loud normie music

    >sings along loud normie music

I wanna choke her”

“Please don't choke your sister.”

“Got earplugs?”

“Please choke your sister.”

“My sister does this too, I just put my headphones on. No need for violence.”

“Is she young? If so, you will have to hear her getting fucked by Chad one day.”

“Anyone else here have constant thoughts of violence floating in their head and the urge to kill? Even when I'm listening to calming classical music sometimes I imagine a glorious bloody ending to my life, choreographed to the music. It's also been invading my thoughts too, even nice ones. Like some old lady will look at me, might be mean, might be nice, I get this flash where all I can imagine is swinging a hammer into their head and I don't want to think of it. It makes me sick sometimes. I'm angry and bitter as much as anyone, and sometimes I want to kill, but not everyone. Even worse I get it with animals too sometimes, and I fear one day my hands will move before my head thinks and I'll end up hurting something innocent. I think it might be OCD or something since multiple members of the family have some form of it or something related to it. I really wish it would go away. My normal rage is bad enough, I don't need this on top of it.”

“MAIM KILL BURN

MAIM KILL BURN

MAIM KILL BURN”

“Could be intrusive thoughts. Really fucking annoying, I know.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts ”

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE”

“Have you asked her to stop? If she refuses then you could possibly go to your parents. I'd say try to reason with her if you have that kind of relationship with your siblings.”

“My sister is the same, but worse. On top of the incessant music she plays, she constantly talks on the phone and I can hear all her stupid conversations through these paper thin walls. She a sociopath far many reasons, but focusing on this particular case she is a sociopath because In the middle of the fucking night she'll talk loudly on the phone when others like myself are trying to get some sleep, she won't care a shit and will yell at me for trying to get her to be quite. I should've killed her, but she's stronger than me. Makes me almost want to get a job and live on my own.”

“I killed her!”

“Holy Shit!”

“Well done! Now enjoy prison for life, or worse!”

It was worth it...

Chapter 15

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING TUBES AND FUCK OFF I JUST WANT TO GET MY SWEET SWEET DXM”

“What happened breh?”

“I asked dad to get new tube for old bike that's been sitting on the side of the yard because the dollar store is too far away to walk to to buy dxm and closer stores are ridiculously over priced. Instead he says, ‘how bout we fix it together sun :^) come get me when you want to’”

“You’re a spoilt brat”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Ok bye.

x-----x

“Anyone else refelt the feeling of connectivity through the internet from text?”

“It feels comforting and renewing in some sort of way just discussing various topics without any stupid or unnecessary reaction images . I feel like I had just discovered the internet once again.

I can't really explain it.”

“It will encourage the revival of shitty ASCII art.

I would rather have smug anime girls rather than that.

If anything things will get worse.”

“I like it.

Let's all agree to make 10 posts a day. Have you met your quota yet?”

“More human, suited to speculative things and fleshing out a decidedly different lain-y internet artifact heritage. Best browsed with a nice warm coffee or at least some warm honey tea

Fuck those bastards”

Personally I enjoy anachronisms more than I should. Though I think it's a sort of thing that a lot of people are into, there are those who still use tube amps and vinyl records, those who type on typewriters, those who still use vintage cars. It's a very human, or at least enthusiast, thing to enjoy what has gone out of style or been left by the wayside by "progress".

“I like it for the reasons others have said. It also feels more easy-going, but maybe that's just how I'm interpreting things.”

“I don't even know if I had 10 posts on it's first day. I wish I had things to talk about, but there isn't anything I care about enough to form strong opinions or learn more about it.”

“This, I like the aesthetic of older things. I like having the ability to use older hardware and software to escape the malicious features of mega-corps. It's almost like a tranquility of sorts.”

“I'm going to ask nicely: can you refrain from including those shitty memes in your post? I ask because obviously I can't make you stop. I don't like it very much and it makes me uncomfortable because it's associated with so many other horrible things. I'm just asking you to consider doing that. Don't take this post as combative or anything; it's just a simple request and if you can oblige to my wishes then thank you.”

“Yeah, it does bring back some nostalgia.

It's mostly the format, I think. If you have nothing but text to convey, you'll put your thoughts and feelings into each word. There's no way to see what a post is about until you read it, either.

Even this basic level of intellectual engagement has been squeezed out of the online world.

But there's also the people. Monks are great. We've been online long enough to get sick of what the internet turned into. What was once the hope for democracy, the egalitarianism of information and ideas has become an advertising pipe. Sad.”

“I like it this way, powered by simple software with zero clutter. Also wish Monks in its 'No images' mode would hide all its images, not just the uploads thumbnails.”

“Browsing /text/ using lynx (terminal only browser) using cheap computer and mechanical keyboard only. Feels great man…”

x-----x

“I'm drunk. I'm drunk, lads. I stopped drinking for about a week which made my antidepressants more effective, but since nothing in the world makes me happy I eventually go back to alcohol.

How often do you lads drink?”

“I don't drink much because I get sick pretty easily. I smoke weed pretty much every day to distract me from impending doom.”

“Not much at all. Maybe once or twice a year. For a few reasons. One I have no income, so every drink is out of pocket out of a small amount of saved allowance I built up over years. I have thought about setting up a home brewing solution but I am lazy and unmotivated. Furthermore I don't really like the taste of cheap alcohol (or alcohol itself in general, though there are quite a few alcoholic drinks [liqueurs for instance] that I find quite pleasant). Finally because while I don't get bad hangovers as of yet, I still find waking up after being drunk to find I have smashed my favorite fancy drinking glass, vomited on the floor, and feel nauseated is simply not worth the enjoyment of being drunk.”

“I only get hangovers if I drink heavily for a few days in a row. I think that is the reason I am able to drink so often. Last night I drank an entire 12 pack by myself and puked when I woke up, though. It wasn't really that bad of an experience, the puking was kinda like a burp and didn't hurt at all. First time I threw up from drinking in a while, though.

There is a chemical that gets you drunk extremely fast on like a few ml. You can easily order it off amazon, and it is fairly cheap. I forgot the name of the chemical, though, but since I first heard about it on wizchan I am sure someone else here knows about it.”

“Typically 5 days a week. I'd normally be drunk right now but I had shit I needed to do tonight. Instead I'm just having a beer and some generic NyQuil so I can hopefully get some tolerable sleep.”

“It is called 2-Methyl-2-Butanol, or tert-Amyl Alcohol. I can only find about 1l on amazon for about $150 right now, but you do not need a much to get completely shitfaced. That is like a year's supply worth.”

“I don't know anon, imbibing industrial solvents doesn't seem like such a good idea to me. That is not only for the reason that I have no idea what contaminants could be in something like this with no controls for human consumption, but because as far as I am aware there are no good studies on its long term effects.”

“I searched my college's library and the only scientific literature I could find on the human consumption of the chemical is a case study of a 28 year old who was put into a coma of a suspected attempted suicide. A bottle of 250ml of the substance (99% pure) was found in his home. It is unknown how much he consumed, but they found 83 μg/mL in his blood during his first day of hospitalization.

If you gonna try this stuff on your own, I would suggest talking an extremely small dose (perhaps .25ml) and then going up from there. Perhaps if you take enough you will go into a coma but not die. However, that individual was hospitalized. Who knows how many people actually died from an overdose of the substance. If anyone wants to look up the study, here is the citation:

Anand, J., Gieron, J., Lechowicz, W., Schetz, D., Kala, M., & Waldman, W. (n.d). Acute intoxication due to tert-amyl alcohol-A case report. Forensic Science International, 242E31-E33.”

“Oh, the 250ml bottle was empty when they found it. Important distinction.”

“Well I did look it up some, and some web drug forum people have used it even a large amount of it and survived. They even have a few toxicology reports on its metabolization (in rats), it's history as being used in some medications in ages past, it's natural occurrence in grain fermentation, and a few ld/50 s as well as a lowest recorded dose that caused death.

Yet, since I'm not a biologist I am not really qualified to tell if it's really safe or not and since I also have a pathological fear of destroying my body or brain's ability to function through drugs I probably won't be experimenting with it anyways. Thanks for bringing it up anyways anon.”

“I've run out of reasons to be sober.”

“Avoiding brain damage”

“I've become so apathetic that it doesn't even phase me.”

“I got completely sober about 3 weeks ago, it's hard to find things to fill my time (which is the main thing that caused me to break my sobriety last time). I don't really have much in the way of hobbies and obviously have no social life, so I just end up bored, then I become anxious and depressed. I don't really want to break my sobriety again but it's hard to come up with a reason to stay sober when your life is going nowhere either way.”

“If drinking didn't make my face bloat up horribly I would do it all day and night”

“I drink two times a week and it's almost always beer. I was only drinking whiskey for quite some time and I might switch back if it can save me some money.”

“Me too, I'm not sure, but I think I have an alcohol intolerance. I can't even be drunk, all alcohol do to me is making terribly sick like if it was an allergy or something, or maybe it's because I only buy the crappiest and cheapest shit.”

“This. Fucking blows so hard. Even if you don't barf just feeling like shit for days is enough to make me want to swear off liquids for ever.”

“Are you on any medication?”

“No, I don't use any sort of medication.”

“Are you Asian?”

“I don't drink. Can't get over the bad taste and the association with pig disgusting people (my country has a big drinking culture). I understand why other monks drink though. Also booze is taxed to hell and back here in a vain attempt by the government to discourage normal people from ruining their own, and other people's lives, through binge drinking, alcohol fuelled violence and drunk driving also because, I'm sure, it's a great way to fill the government's coffers.

All that said if alcohol wasn't so expensive I'd probably be an alcoholic by now irrespective of my hatred for drinking culture and the mediocre-unappealing taste. The combination of chemically induced escapism/euphoria and slowly killing yourself via liver annihilation has become incredibly appealing to me as of late.”

That same thing is what deterred me from alcohol. Seeing the way people behaved while drunk made it seem like some nightmarish poison that turned people into apes.

After being distanced from people for a while the sentiments went away and I thought "hey, I could probably just enjoy this in my own way while watching some anime". I bought a bottle of whiskey out of curiosity, and was reborn as an alcoholic.

“I don't drink and I never will

I don't want it to be a crutch”

“Shouldn't your conclusion be more like: don't take it at all ..”

“Yes, that explain why I can't drink.”

“I recommend listening/reading to "Proof: The Science of Booze". Right now my head is swarming with comments, mostly gleaned from this book, on many of the drinks.

There's a lot of information about alcohol, its production, and its effects on the body. I'll just go in any old order:

Perceptions of what alcohol does to you will affect what alcohol does to you. This is the same for most activities, but in alcohol it's more extreme due to the primary effects of the substance. If you expect to become violent after drinking, you are much more likely to become violent. It's mostly what you think happens that affects what happens to your behaviour. Behaviour in terms of 'quiet drunk' 'violent drunk', and so on. But drunk is drunk.

Alcohol Dehydrogenase I think is the enzyme that Asians lack (as well as lactase enzymes for drinking milk) that gives asians very high alcohol sensitivities. I have a historical theory for why this is the case: Clean drinking water. Beer was drank instead of water for hundreds of years, simply due to a lack of clean drinking water but availability of beer. So it promoted the expression of hydrogenase enzymes in most of europe. Just a theory though, since it doesn't explain very well the mongol influence on china. The milk drinking, big booze drinkers spreading their genes deep into china should have had a pretty big effect. So it's just speculation.

Now onto more personal things:

I... would like to drink more, I think. I don't drink because I hate the idea of being fat more than being sober. I don't like feeling bad for a few days after heavier drinking, too. My personal philosophy is about keeping myself healthy so that life is made less miserable. It's fairly ironic too, since I produce gallons of home-made wines. Requires a lot of patience. Even if you aren't very patient, if you're a big drinker you can save a lot of money if you brew your own beer. Beer is done in a couple weeks to a couple months, wine takes at least a year to be decent.

Get a beer brewing kit (or two), and the initial investment will pay itself off as the ingredient/flavor packs for beer brewing is a fraction of the price for litre produced to litre bought. IE much cheaper beer but you have to wait. Or scale it up. Get a couple kits running at once and you can have a massive supply of cheap beer. You could also consider selling some of each batch to reduce the price even further.

Although it does require quite a bit of work. Lots of equipment cleaning, mostly. Definitely worth considering if you have free time but not money. It's not difficult, but you do need to put care into your work.

Read a book like booze for free if you're interested. And look up beer brewing kits online to see if the finances make sense for you.”

“I stopped drinking when I realized I can borrow my dad and brother's weed. My drinking habit was starting to get out of control and I was almost addicted, getting drunk all weekends straight. Now, I've only had a beer or 2 since early October. I like drinking, but it wasn't fun anymore and I couldn't stop. I am happy I was able to stop for a while.”

Chapter 16

“Jesus said to turn the other cheek when slapped.”

“Give your other ass cheek to the rapist when raped!”

“Huh?”

“That’s what he meant basically…”

“You’re fucked in the head”

“Stop being so feminized. Defend yourself when attacked.”

“It’s hard.”

“Well, you are a woman, and a damn fine one!”

I fell Death standing by my side. With a hand on my shoulder. She tells me not to cry. Because it's not when I wish to die. That she's going to end my time. I struggle with the pain. I struggle to move on. And is during this endless struggle. That I face my cruel life. With blood tears Dropping from my eyes.

“Before i die, let me stare at the sky, the velvety pearly sky, one last time, with the curiosity of a new born baby…”

“What would be the point of that venture when you won’t remember anything?”

“I don’t know. Let me stare at it anyway…”

THE END