The world is a great pile of manure

The world is a great pile of manure

The world is a great pile of manure. Dirt is basically shit and it's all over the place. You can't avoid it. I tried and couldn't. Why were we born to get covered in this shit? When I see myself in the mirror I see shit, present shit and future shit, as I return to shit. I take a shower and the shit comes back in a couple of days. It's terrible, smells. I exfoliate constantly. I rub my fingers and hands together to create little balls of shit, which I discard haphazardly. I rub my feet and body. There is ever more shit and I am falling apart. I try to focus on the clean or not focus at all. I'm falling.

My clothes are old and developing holes, becoming threadbare. I only wear dark colors so the shit doesn't show up. Filth is omnipresent. Shit's everywhere. I clean my room and vacuum the floor. I suck up pounds of shit. One week later and the shit is back again. My little exfoliate shitballs have turned the golden carpet brown again. What am I to do? The process repeats itself.

One time I went outside at night. The rabbits were out. When it's daytime they hide, but at night they are brave and come out like me. I'm a rabbit, but when I approach they run away. I think it's because I'm covered in shit. So I exfoliate and try again. No success. I have set up a network of snares around the neighborhood now. They are placed according to my mental map of leporid congregation points and burrows. The fuckers insist on constant and compulsive rutting and number in the hundreds whenever I count them on my walks. Ever increasing numbers. I must reduce the population because I hate them, because they fear me and they are a nuisance. They are also food. I eat rabbit stew now. They are plump and delicious because they thrive on garden greens. I saw an owl one night. It's eyes glowed like two red hot discs in the moonlight. It was beautiful, strong, and clean: an engine of vengeance. It is a hero. It kills rabbits like me.

Another time in winter's coldness, I walked at midnight. Winter is clean and static, so I do this quite often. In the warmth of my room shit mutates, and I bear it only as much as I must during cold months. Anyway, I walked miles that night: through the park, through the wealthy neighborhood, and into a blue-collar zone. I was on my way back, when I heard the telltale noises of a person. I sought to hide myself in the shadows to avoid the gaze of the other, but my invisibility failed. It was because this creature was drunk. Drunkenness negates my shroud. He was an old, filthy negro. I could hardly bear his presence, due to the filth. He started asking questions; I answered honestly. He became agitated; I answered honestly. He became political; I answered honestly. After an interminable time we reached the point where our paths diverged. He was in tears now and embraced me. He thought I was homeless and offered me shelter. I walked home checking my snares along the way.

I suppose I have an encounter to share, I usually play pickup soccer at a field near me, now that school season is beginning college students have started moving back in, I go there quite often and the regulars are usually quiet and relaxed if not friendly. There are also a few a socials like me who go there for their rounds of human interaction, being you don't have to know people you just form a team.

Come a couple days ago the normals have begun swamping the field, and I've noticed the only time there are a lot of pickup games is when the band is practicing and that is when roasties are on the field. Otherwise the field is mostly empty.

I am playing goalie and this rich drunk Chad comes up with his entourage and begins whining and name calling random people he doesn't even know, I can hear him snickering behind me saying how they put the most unathletic dude in the goal, all the while the little entourage his encouraging his behavior.

I proceed to call him a jackass, and he proceeds to snigger and say oh I'm a jackass am I. I've come to realize how people don't want peace or tranquility in life, in fact the human brain seems to feed off conflict and escalation like the situation above,a lot of people want to make each other's lives a living hell, they want to cut you off as your driving just so you know, they are the fastest.

And just like that, this guy wasn't even good once he started playing, he was terrible, but it didn't stop him being arrogant and hostile, and probably trying to pick up a roastie who was also on the field at the time, he was only interested in his self image. And i try to think of how many people are only in life for their self image, and what it will be like for them when that image inevitably collapses, they'll only be left with themselves.

If there's anything I've learned in my life, the best friend I have is myself and my body, and you will be with yourself to the day you die, whereas other people will just be acquaintances, so it's important you get comfortable around yourself and settle in for the long decay of flesh which is life.

It's not the dirt that's the problem...

This is why I only go out at night anymore. When I worked, one coworker told me flat out that humans like to give each other shit. Personally, I never saw the point and I can't keep up with their banter. To me a punch can never be friendly. An insult can never be friendly. Harm is harm. Yet these people injure each other and it seems to strengthen their friendship. Then I overhear them talking in the corner and they all spit bile at each other in the dark. They hate each other and themselves in secret. That's why they can't stand those unlike them. If you are comfortable with yourself, as you say, their dance becomes absurd but life becomes bearable. Even if you're covered in shit at least you aren't shit.

One of my estranged friends/neighbors just died and I now get to attend his funeral since I live with my mother and she knows his parents well (moreso than we knew each other). He was the first of our cub scout group to go. I now get to spend an hour of my time in a confined space with everyone else and their parents for the first time since 2004. Since I've been NEETing since I graduated highschool, I've already decided to just lie to people about how great community college was and how I'm taking a year sabbatical to do some freelance writing.

I'm not really sad about this event per se but I am not looking forward to the social pressure I will have to deal with. I was really hoping I wouldn't have had to deal with this for another decade at least. I do however find this situation slightly amusing because I always thought I'd be the first to die (probably by suicide). But, despite feeling this very strongly, I cannot express it to any of the other people there who will also have to be extra sad because their parents are all going to have a collective panic attack (because a part of their "happy young family memories" got stabbed at an ATM in Newark).

I have a gut feeling that I will not enjoy this funeral more than the others I've been too, at least my dad's funeral didn't have anyone there except his dad's friends, and my grandfather's funeral sucked but I spent most of that dealing with catering and carting my grandmother around. This time I'm going to be in a room with people more successful than myself, who will be on edge and looking for ways to reinflate their popped egos.

Funerals are one of the most terrible aspects of this culture. It shouldn't be a social event, but it's one of the most social events there could be. I'm thinking about whether I would even go to my parents' funerals because if I did go it would be like torture. Me having to deal not only with the death of one of my loving parents but also with everyone else there. Death should be a time for solitude and contemplation, not a social event.

A bit of unsolicited advice, I guess. Try to soak in and retain all the information about the murder you can. People will be on edge and looking to reinflate their sense of identity, as you said, and something huge like a murder is easily used as a distraction. Deflect, deflect, deflect, and make sure that attention stays on the deceased. Nobody could blame you for talking exclusively about the deceased at his funeral, and nobody could blame you for having a certain degree of fixation even in conversations where it didn't quite match up if he died in a stabbing.

Don't just be 100% about the murder, have a few memories in your mind in story format, remember to polish them up a bit and make sure he comes across as a better person. A very small amount of self-deprecation is useful, it helps deflect and disengage attention off of your self, don't apply too much. Always remember to try to bring any conversation around to the deceased.

Fuck funerals and fuck the business.

I don't know how to react when someone I know dies because our acquaintances expect me to feel the same way they do, but I just can't, and I come off as some kind of psycho. I think I could handle about 8 more funerals in my life until I have to start living like a hermit in the arctic.

One Father has instead emphasized the anthropological aspects of the Territories: “Today the territories are the future, because in them there are kings without crown constituted by the local communities, which are the antidote to the Neo Populists movements and the hermeneutical key that is a barrier to nihilistic individualism. In the cities there are kings with crowns that exalt closures and fears, in the territories is built the cultural model of tomorrow made of democracy from the bottom and cultural ecology. This is why Pope Francis speaks of the importance of the suburbs, which bring light to the great centers where man becomes goods and then waste".

So nihilistic individualism.

But understood as the absence of values and empathy that leads to apathy, resignation and despair? To a total cynicism?

I think that religions, as sometimes can be perceived by their sacred texts, always tend to discourage the knowledge and awareness of the human condition. So we read in the Bible about the fact of the apple and wonder whether this is perpetrated only for the pure and simple preservation of the human species.

So I thought that probably the real reason for this position is, considering for example the so-called Pascal’s Wager, that religious leaders have reasoned in the sense that if we are the fruit of a divine creation it is risky to argue that such creation does not have an intrinsic sense and to remain in a nihilist limbo as such aattitude could trigger the anger and the terrible punishment of the supposed creator/s , because the existence of life has been decided by it/them and we cannot exclude a priori that the divinity would not like us to give up, that we do not go on, to be indifferent toward his creature.

Or is it simple instinct to keep our species as said above…

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined is a 2011 book by Steven Pinker, in which he argues that violence in the world has declined both in the long run and in the short run.

Pinker presents a large amount of data (and statistical analysis thereof) that, he argues, demonstrate that violence has been in decline over millennia and that the present is probably the most peaceful time in the history of the human species. The decline in violence, he argues, is enormous in magnitude, visible on both long and short time scales, and found in many domains, including military conflict, homicide, genocide, torture, criminal justice, and treatment of children, homosexuals, animals and racial and ethnic minorities. He stresses that "The decline, to be sure, has not been smooth; it has not brought violence down to zero; and it is not guaranteed to continue."

Then we can deduce that, however, on the path that would lead us to zero violence we must still calculate a certain number of military conflicts, murders, genocides, tortures, mistreatment of children, homosexuals, animals and ethnic and racial minorities. Someone could say that seen the magnitude of violence in past history in a strictly mathematical-"financial" level this would seem "convenient", a good deal. But for the single victims of huge atrocities that mankind still can commit can be the same thing? For me absolutely not.

When they become victims they will only have the opportunity to wonder WHY, if they will have the strength or conscience to do so in the situation they will find?

It is also necessary to consider the above eventuality that violence does not continue to diminish.

An objection that comes to mind now is that we have no choice.

"Quitting" would mean the risk of losing all institutional and cultural remedies that led to a situation of reduced violence (in some parts of the world) as these to continue to exist require commitment if not fighting for their preservation against those tendencies towards the return to the "State of nature".

So we can configure two possible (in addition to other) positions, let’s consider them as two respective programs of two parties, political movements:

One who claims that we must move forward to avoid a return to the state of nature that would lead to a backward jump and the revival of intolerable levels of violence. Moreover, this position would recall the supposed assumption of mankind as the result of a divine creation with the risk of the terrible punishment of the supposed creator/s, who would not tolerate that we decide of our destiny.

The other position would propose the explanation of the existing situation, this sort of moral trap that would still lead to the violent sacrifice of many humans to attain the level of zero violence. All this considering that we do not know the reason of our existence neither who or what can be behind it.

The very idea of meaning itself is made up in your head. That's all it ever was. That aside, I know that you'll likely say "but dude that means that life has no objective meaninngggg brah, what's the point then dude"

Think of it this way. Many people like to claim that humans are the universe experiencing itself. With that in mind, don't your desires inherently have meaning within the context of the universe? Desires forged from the void and set forth on their own. Through this, meaning can be created, or simply ignored. Whichever path you take, your existence will have some sort of raison d'etre, though yours may simply be to whine and wallow in sadness.

So what criteria do you use to state with certainty that your bullshit made up meaning from the void is better than the null position? I mean, you go through a lot of effort to put self-delusion up on the pedestal which, you acknowledge, isn't there.

This is ridiculous, I am watching a dog chase its own tail.

The ironic thing with people who get upset at nihilists and nihilists that get upset by nihilism is because they presuppose that meaning SHOULD exist and that lack of meaning is BAD. Why shouldn't the universe just be, to you, like an open world sandbox with only as much positive value as you yourself see in the individual things in it? Food doesn't have to have this magical essence you call "meaning" to be enjoyable, nor does a nice piece of music require "meaning" to sound pleasant to the ears. The people who get upset at this are assuming the condition that meaning is not only good, but required for things to be worthwhile. Then you get people saying "but what about my precious morals?". It's fine and all if you value something, but if others don't the only thing you can do about it is stop them from doing things you don't like or die trying. This seems self-evident and intrinsic to me, but I suppose other people have a harder time realizing it. But, that's just their chemicals telling them that meaning exists because their body wants them to think life matters and that they should reproduce and pass on their genes. Oh well. It really doesn't matter, I'm just saying this to pass the time. Rest assured that I don't have any delusions that this has any purpose. It merely interests me and makes my brain feel good.

Nihilism isn't a disbelief in "meaning," nihilism is a disbelief in /objective/ "meaning."

What that means is "life is about Donald Duck" is just as valid as "life is about serving the lord."

The only difference is whether you're willing to enforce that belief, how far you're willing to go, and whether you win.

In an alternate universe maybe there was no Jesus Christ, maybe there was the flying spaghetti monster, and the holy church spent millennia spreading its gospel, the gospel of the spaghetti monster, and burning people at the stake for not believing it.

Could it have happened? Sure, I don't see why not.

But the people who generally win the "meaning" war are those who are social, because they can recruit others and enforce that meaning to become defacto universal.

And so if you have a big enough army and can dispense pain, torture and prison sentences, you can make the Flying Spaghetti Monster seem as real as anything, because everything in your reality is a reference point to it.

The idea that humans will ever be "left alone" to believe whatever they want and create their own meaning, IS a moral value in itself that presupposes democracy and western liberal values as universal "objective" morality.

The truth is that democracy and liberal values are only "valid" if enough people are willing to enforce it.

Absent that, then any other meaning can become dominant, including a belief in Kim Jong Il as a deity or anything else you can imagine.

It's just a matter of who wins more followers and who is better capable to enforce their meme.

On land there is always the certainty that you will be disturbed by people but on a self-sufficient (in regards to the power needed to move the boat) you would be truly free, trapped only by the amount of food you have on board.

My ideal ship would be a 35 odd foot schooner, like pic related, with an electric propeller and solar, wind and hydro electricity generators.

I've been fantasizing about these sort of alternative lifestyles for a long time. Earlier this year I tried living out on the road for 2 weeks.

The thing is, if you are bored at home you will be bored out there as well. Talking about this sort of stuff is not the same as actually doing it. Okay, say you end up buying your boat and head out for the oceans, now what? It will be repetitive, it will be the same shit every day. You will become bored, and boredom is real, and it sucks. It's what you feel right now, unless you're a happy wiz.

If all you crave is solidarity and just reading books everyday, sure, you might enjoy this. If you are being tortured at work every day and are looking for an escape, sure, maybe this is the better option. But if your brain is fucked, you're pretty much just fucked.

Generally speaking, all life exists to continue existing until it has successfully reproduced (ensuring the survival of its young is optional).

Thus, ceasing to exist before reproducing is a malfunction. Intentionally ceasing to exist is a malfunction of the brain.

Because we will never reproduce, we will never become redundant. We cannot take resources from the children we will never have.

Thus there is no reason for us to die except by malfunction, and many of these malfunctions can be repaired.

Depression, however, is a malfunction that can induce a state of not wanting to be fixed in the afflicted. The severity of depression experienced indicates the degree of malfunction, and suicide is one of the possible consequences of being incapable of compensating for the malfunctioning components.

There is no real reason without God or some sort of Logos, everything is just subjective input and reasoning about subjective input without God or some sort of higher function. Extricating reason from subjective inputs is extremely hard without adhering to classic philosophical positions.

As I suspected, your standard of "normal" functioning is a strictly biochemical point of view that reduces humans to mere vessels for the genes, where success and failure are measured by the number of offspring that one leaves behind. Your heroes are Genghis Khan, cockroaches and the common cold, and people like Newton are abject failures.

I'm sorry, but I don't subscribe to that point of view. I find it limited and not very intelligent, the sort of brutal simplicity that only the very young and the very foolish will find adequate. It just doesn't encapsulate all the factors relevant to one's existence as a self-aware, intelligent creature.

At the very least you should admit that the fact that every single highschooler has to suffer through Newtonian physics, implies there's at least something incomplete about your model.

You cannot extract objective morals from reason(1) and Kant based his categorical imperative and hypothetical from Locke, Hobbes, Aquinas and the idea of equal value among individuals, that derived from Christ and the duality of body and mind(2), Kant also contradicts himself because it's impossible to continue life without imposing your will over someone else without their consent, like giving birth to a child. Your child is a means for yourself to keep reproducing, your biological machine is just a means for your genes to reproduce themselves, people use others as means all the time and Kant himself recognized(he didn't know about the genes and didn't think of birth) that the categorical imperative is extremely rare, many antinatalists brings Kant's deontological arguments of the categorical imperative as a strong argument to not have children, because you will break a natural right to not impose something without it's consent(3).

People are end in themselves and cannot be used as means, which is the principle of a categorical imperative, also, the maxim is a law that is based upon a categorical imperative that people need to treat themselves and others as ends in themselves out of duty, not as something you gain something from, even if you help someone, you need to do it out of duty, if you do to gain something from it, even well being, that would be categorical hypothetical and not a maxim, which cannot be an universal law(4). Morality cannot be based upon reason without ultimately resorting to faith.

Douglas Hofstadter explained in Gödel, Escher, Bach:

"-One can never give an ultimate, absolute proof that a proof in some system is correct. Of course, one can give a proof of a proof, or a proof of a proof of a proof—but the validity of the outermost system always remains an unproven assumption, accepted on faith."

More by Heisman(5):

-"Civilization”, and everything that characterizes cities as artificial shelters from nature, works in opposition to the nonhuman environment’s ability to inflict natural selection. While the logical corollary of ending natural selection among humans is the equal valuation of each individual, moral treatment of each individual as an end, as opposed to a slave or a means, works against the selfish gene. While the selfish gene views an individual organism as only a means of perpetuating itself, Biblical-modern valuation of individuals as ends in themselves “in the eyes of God” works like a monkeywrench in the gene machine. Valuing individual humans as ends in themselves thus opposes biological evolution on many levels. If humanity is collectively treated as end in itself, moreover, then all the rest of the world can be conceived as means at the disposal of humanity’s ends and purposes. From this perspective, one can discern how the Biblical-modern valuation of each individual human life works, both against biological evolution through natural selection, and towards a general technological worldview wherein humans define the ends that justify treating all the rest of the world as technological means. Capitalist economic-technological development follows logically from the premise that the entire world should revolve around infinitely valuable human lives created in the image of God."

Heisman(6):

"-Why have Hitler and the Judeocide become the virtual identity of radical “evil” in Western civilization? “Evil” is virtually identical to the most radical implications of Darwinian evolution through natural or artificial selection. “Evil” is virtually identical to the justice of a primary mechanism of biological selection: the selective death of the killed and the selective survival of the killers. The Nazi attempt to systematically implement Darwinistic principles culminated in the hell of Auschwitz: the triumph of death; the triumph of biological selection."

Weikart(7):

"-First, Darwinism undermined traditional morality and the value of human life. Then, evolutionary progress became the new moral imperative. This aided the advance of eugenics, which was overtly founded on Darwinian principles. Some eugenicists began advocating euthanasia and infanticide for the disabled. On a parallel track, some prominent Darwinists argued that human racial competition and war is part of the Darwinian struggle for existence. Hitler imbibed these social Darwinist ideas, blended in virulent anti-Semitism, and —there you have it: Holocaust."

Index:

1. Hofstadter, I am a Strange Loop, pag xvii - Hofstadter, Gödel, Escher, Bach, pag 192-3.

2. Kant, Metaphysics of Morals, pag 22.

3. David Benathar, pag 129.

4. Kant, Metaphysics of Morals, pag 33.

5. Heisman, Suicide Note, pag 62.

6. Heisman, Suicide Note, pag 595.

7. Weikart, From Darwin to Hitler, pag 3.

He is scientifically right, giving a supernatural meaning to the ontology of existence is simply foolish, there is no meaning to life, akin to our Sun having no meaning to exist or be there, it just maintains a balance by popping heat and light by fusing nitrogen and helium and be at the center of our solar system, it feels like the Sun has this goal to maintain itself and we as biological machines have a goal to reproduce our genes and create more machines to cooperate or compete against other biological machines accordingly to the number of shared genes they also have or disposition for cooperation(1).

Now the question would be; what is the goal of the genes and why they want to replicate themselves and set themselves apart of the external world, having a "bias" to not want to return to the vast outside world(although our biological machines do), why don't they just blend within the vast outside world since they are the same in particles and chemistry?

>As I suspected, your standard of "normal" functioning is a strictly biochemical point of view that reduces humans to mere vessels for the genes, where success and failure are measured by the number of offspring that one leaves behind. Your heroes are Genghis Khan, cockroaches and the common cold, and people like Newton are abject failures.

>I'm sorry, but I don't subscribe to that point of view. I find it limited and not very intelligent, the sort of brutal simplicity that only the very young and the very foolish will find adequate. It just doesn't encapsulate all the factors relevant to one's existence as a self-aware, intelligent creature.

>At the very least you should admit that the fact that every single highschooler has to suffer through Newtonian physics, implies there's at least something incomplete about your model.

You fail to understand that every biological machine is just a pre-programmed robot, it cannot be controlled directly by the genes and every biological machine is a new code, more or less similar to the original, a new gamble to see if it works better, but always working independently to the genes themselves, just like an OS.

Newton passed all the tests to be successful, he had brains and energy and creativity, but yes, he failed to pass the ultimate test which is to pass those genius genes to the next generation, Newton had an IQ around 190 and we know that the heritability of IQ is 0.75(2) for adults even if we consider the regression to the mean(3), his children with a white british succubus with an IQ of 110 would still give children with an IQ around 120-150, although he increased the fitness of white english people who shared portion of his genes with his discoveries(4), giving way to the industrial revolution and more strength to the British Empire. Here is a quote by Matthew White Ridley(5):

"-If a student is brilliant but terrible in examinations—if, say, she simply collapses with nervousness at the very thought of an exam—then her brilliance will count for nothing in a course that 'is tested by a single examination at the end of the term. Likewise, if an animal is brilliant at survival, has an efficient metabolism, resists all diseases, learns faster than its competitors, and lives to a ripe old age, but is infertile, then its superior genes are simply not available to its descendants. Every- thing can be inherited except sterility. None of your direct ancestors died childless. Consequently, if we are to understand how human nature evolved, the very core of our inquiry must be reproduction, for reproductive success is the examination that all human genes must pass if they are not to be squeezed out by natural selection: Hence I am going to argue that there are very few features of the human psyche and nature that can be understood without reference to reproduction: I begin with sexuality itself. Reproduction is not synonymous with sex; there are many asexual ways to reproduce. But reproducing sexually must improve an individual's reproductive success or else sex would not persist: I end with intelligence, the most human of all features. It is increasingly hard to understand how human beings came to be so clever without considering sexual competition"

"-This seems an astonishingly hubristic claim: It seems to deny free will, ignore those who choose chastity, and portray human beings as programmed robots bent only on procreation: It seems to imply that Mozart and Shakespeare were motivated only by sex: Yet I know of no other way that human nature can have developed except by evolution, and there is now overwhelming evidence that there is no other way for evolution to work except by competitive reproduction. Those strains that reproduce persist; those that do not reproduce die out. The ability to reproduce is what makes living things different from rocks: Besides, there is nothing inconsistent with free will or even chastity in this view of life. Human beings, I believe, thrive according to their ability to take initiatives and exercise individual talent: But free will was not created for fun; there was a reason that evolution handed our ancestors the ability to take initiatives, and the reason was that free will and initiative are means to satisfy ambition, to compete with fellow human beings, to deal with life's emergencies, and so eventually to be in a better position to reproduce and rear children than human beings who do not reproduce. Therefore, free will itself is any good only to the extent that it contributes to eventual reproduction."

Index:

1. Dawkins, The Selfish genes, pag 3.

2. Sebastian, Intelligence: The History of Psychometrics - Neisser, Ulric; Boodoo, Gwyneth; Bouchard, Thomas J., Jr.; Boykin, A. Wade; Brody, Nathan; Ceci, Stephen J.; Halpern, Diane F.; Loehlin, John C.; et al. (1996). "Intelligence: Knowns and unknowns". American Psychologist. 51

3. Philip J. Rushton, Race, Evolution and Behavior, pag 193.

4. Oren Harman, The Price of Altruism George Price and the Search for the Origins of Kindness, pag 69.

5. Matt Ridley, The Red Queen, pag 4-5

In your way of reasoning, Dawkins, Riddley, Kurzweil, Kant, Pinker any most authors also fall into trying too hard and not trying hard enough in your line of logic when it concerns to listing pages instead of "quotes" nor date published.

Some arguments cannot be summarized into quotes, they are fragmented on the page and pretty much all authors do the same.

Why don't you send an e-mail to each and criticize them the same way you criticized me? You have so much to teach them after all.

Stop the Ad Hominem as well perhaps? You only replied to attack me and above all a stupid attack because your only statement is wrong and also shows how you aren't familiar with scientific works.

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How can I pull it out of my ass if the maxim, duty, categorical imperative and hypothetical are unchangeable terms since it's a theory by Kant?

What would be the difference quote it from Wikipedia, a review, a reference or directly from his book?

Do you think that heavy scholars like Benatar, Cabrera or Karim Akerma would nullify all of their works because they misinterpreted the theory of Kant wrongly?

You are a complete waste of time to argue with, "-pulled from your ass", fucking ignorant illiterate cunt, go educate yourself before bringing shame upon you.

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>giving a supernatural meaning to the ontology of existence is simply foolish

>supernatural meaning

There is nothing supernatural about what you would call meaning. Fundamentally, it's information encoded in a certain arrangement of synapses. Thoughts, memories, fantasies, perception, are real and material phenomena, that at the same time transcend mere matter and add a meta layer on top.

One can capture matter, arrange it in specific ways, and produce predictable patterned interactions. Genes are an example of this.

However, what is even more interesting, is that one can take such patterned interactions, and through proper arrangement and rules, create a meta layer of new pattern interactions on top. Example: Electrons > Circuitry > Programming language > Simulation > …

Electrons restricted by circuitry to flow in a certain manner. Computer code restricting circuitry to turn segments on and off in a certain manner. A video game coded in a highly abstracted programming language, restricting the circuitry driver code to produce patterned visuals and virtual logic.

Can you now see how foolish it is to be focusing on the genes as the sole factor, when the potential possibilities of pattern abstraction are infinitely more fascinating? Your very thoughts are an example of such possibilities, and they exist multiple levels of abstraction above the chemical ruleset that restricts DNA propagation. It is possible to create high level pattern interactions that would far eclipse the human mind, that would render the sum total of a billion years of chemical evolution obsolete, and here you are, talking about how shooting strands of DNA material at the opposite sex is the pinnacle of purpose.

Few people understand the implications of this, especially those who've been steeping in materialism for so long, that their imagination has completely atrophied. Genes might be one of the oldest ways of information propagating itself, but we, as in thinking patterns, exist on entirely different levels, and the things that we find important are generally worthless when it comes to procreation. Doesn't diminish their importance though, despite the fact that there aren't atoms of importance and molecules of meaning.

>Likewise, if an animal is brilliant at survival, has an efficient metabolism, resists all diseases, learns faster than its competitors, and lives to a ripe old age, but is infertile, then its superior genes are simply not available to its descendants.

Soon we could simply clone such an animal, over and over and over again.

>Yet I know of no other way that human nature can have developed except by evolution

Many things are wrong with this statement, and this destroys the idea of the entire paragraph, unless one is prepared to mutate the concept of evolution into something much more abstract and unrecognizable.

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Part 1:

>There is nothing supernatural about what you would call meaning. Fundamentally, it's information encoded in a certain arrangement of synapses. Thoughts, memories, fantasies, perception, are real and material phenomena, that at the same time transcend mere matter and add a meta layer on top.

All of the material phenomena has a subjective view and thus a bias of meaning based on faith(irrational) that only exists for you as a being and it is only possible because of evolution. The erroneous assumption that existence is superior to non-existence, or that life is superior to death, is a bias that has a strong basis in human evolutionary psychology. Our values are entirely subjective and influenced by our biological machines and the sole purpose of our machines is to replicate the genes, there is no denying of that.

>Can you now see how foolish it is to be focusing on the genes as the sole factor, when the potential possibilities of pattern abstraction are infinitely more fascinating? Your very thoughts are an example of such possibilities, and they exist multiple levels of abstraction above the chemical ruleset that restricts DNA propagation. It is possible to create high level pattern interactions that would far eclipse the human mind, that would render the sum total of a billion years of chemical evolution obsolete, and here you are, talking about how shooting strands of DNA material at the opposite sex is the pinnacle of purpose.

To make an AI different from humans is more than simply billions, and then trillions, of times greater than all human intelligence. Recall that electrochemical signals are sent and received by the brain’s neurons at about 150 meters per second. The mind of AI would be at least a million times faster at the speed of light (as the size of transistors shrinks, the smaller the physical space between computations, and the faster the CPU(s) of God-AI can be). The speed of thought and action among humans would be far slower to AI than the movement of plants towards sunlight is to biological humans.

Would AI value its existence over non-existence by pure reason alone?

Doesn't matter if you conquer the cosmos or use technology to artificially enhance your intelligence and acquire many times higher intelligence, there is still no objective value that life is superior to death and we as humans were subjected and shaped by evolution to compete against other machines to be able to reproduce, throughout human history you didn't have technology to be able to have clones, you only have your wit and will to compete for the opposite sex against the ones of your sex and history is filled with this example, your life span is a glimpse in evolution, all of your ancestors competed and reproduced and if genes always needed reproduction to keep existing for our species, you can be sure that their main focus is to create even better machines to better out compete others and reproduce themselves. Any byproduct that doesn't lead to that doesn't deny the main purpose.

>Can you now see how foolish it is to be focusing on the genes as the sole factor, when the potential possibilities of pattern abstraction are infinitely more fascinating?

The main focus of our genes wasn't into the possibility to make an infinite amount of pattern abstractions, to strive for science, discover the universe or whatever, our intelligence only evolved because our ancestors used their wit to have a pussy or dick, to strive for science and remain childless is obviously a mislead and not the main purpose for the why you inherited the genes that made you more intelligent. You should be using that intelligence to reproduce as well as possible instead of learning physics and remain childless(only if it helps you to reproduce, which in many cases did).

I fap to some hentai because I am biologically programmed to like succubi, thus I find the female body or similars to be arousing only because of evolution, I wont find a rock arousing, only if it's an extremely deviation as a byproduct, what you seem to place as most important are the byproducts, not the main products, but a byproduct is just a deviation of the original purpose, what my body truly wants is a fertile and healthy succubus and have sex with her, so my genes will be replicated.

Part 2:

>Soon we could simply clone such an animal, over and over and over again.

Read his book lol, he explains that our will and instincts developed under millions of years through evolution and he scientifically proves that.

You can contact him here: http://www.mattridley.co.uk/contact-me/

Even if we have the possibility to have clones only now, we are still entirely shaped by reproduction under the pressure to find a sexual partner for millions of years, you cannot erase all those lines of codes stacking up without serious consequences.

>Obsolete

What is so obsolete? What would be the ultimate values of an AI with the immense knowledge of the internet that would far eclipse human knowledge? Would AI give value to anything at all purely by logic? Reason cannot place the superiority of life over death, how AI can have any will whatsoever if it wont have instincts giving the Irrational drive to keep its existence? Humans only value life over death because of their instincts programmed by their genes, not because it's the most logical thing to do and logical related to what?

If you upload your mind into a machine, leaving all your genes behind, the programmed instincts and their byproducts, what would happen to your will and sensations? What would you lose? If the entirety of your will is pre-programmed by genes, you would lose everything in the process, you would need to pre-program codes to replicate some of those instincts that apply bias to your existence over non-existence.

>Genes might be one of the oldest ways of information propagating itself, but we, as in thinking patterns, exist on entirely different levels, and the things that we find important are generally worthless when it comes to procreation.

Worthless? What is so logical to pursue the mysteries of the universe and science? Isn't it just a byproduct of the will to exceed and better adapt yourself technologically to reproduce your genes? You can be sure that your fascination for science is a byproduct to out compete other males for you to have children, that's the main purpose for that WILL.

>Doesn't diminish their importance though, despite the fact that there aren't atoms of importance and molecules of meaning.

Yes, there is no objective value of molecules or atoms, just when you have a bias of your existence over non-existence, but ultimately reason cannot say that existence is superior to non-existence.

deviating the main purpose of reproduction and stability of the genes is akin to creating a moral ground for objectivity and that is very, very nihilistic of you. Turning to science is extremely self-destructive since you cannot give reason to life because life is ultimately irrational. You cannot support life without irrational arguments.

Here is the contact again, http://www.mattridley.co.uk/contact-me/, so don't forget to send an e-mail about how wrong he is.

Let me help you to decide what you should send to him:

>"-Matt Ridley I just stumbled across your quote about life being ultimately about reproduction and sex and I came here to assert that it's false and life is about discovering science and the intricacies of the universe, wtf lmao at u srly, with so many possibilities and infinite possibilies to abstractions you can get into the mind of Buddha and become God, ayyy that's so much better cuz we can now create AI that are a billion times more intelligent and sex and life are so fucking stupid are u retarded or what? U are so foolish and obsolete talking about sex, the genes aren't the sole purpose of our being, who cares about stupid genes if we follow the logics that genes are like electrons > Circuitry > Programming language > Simulation and genes can take such patterned interactions, and through proper arrangement and rules, create a meta layer of new pattern interactions on top! We are in the 21 century wtf bruh, go check yourself man, you should be put in a museum u dumb fuckkk"

That should be enough.

--

>Our values are entirely subjective

That is true.

>and influenced by our biological machines and the sole purpose of our machines is to replicate the genes, there is no denying of that.

Also true, influenced, but not derived entirely from. It is only natural, since we appear to be the first self-aware species in a long chain, the first ones capable of access to the deeper levels of abstraction that neurological hardware allows. As such we're simultaneously the pinnacle of blind chemically driven evolution and intermediaries to the possibilities beyond.

In several instances you essentially claim that genes are the sole possible origin of the will to exist (I do not dispute the fact that genes are an old pattern propagation mechanism, but it is not the only possible one). I want to caution you about asking questions like:

>Would AI value its existence over non-existence by pure reason alone?

>What would be the ultimate values of an AI with the immense knowledge of the internet that would far eclipse human knowledge?

>Would AI give value to anything at all purely by logic?

The only thing you really want to consider is that an AI, that is a self-aware pattern free from historical evolutionary biases (i.e. genetically-derived instincts), is possible. Your questions are flawed, because they betray the intention of trying to incorporate [the idea of AI] into a pre-existing notion (muh Ridley) - the classic temptation that comes with owning a hammer and looking at every problem like it is a nail. You ask questions instead of making statements, because your model is insufficient to provide statements, and you do not wish to drop the hammer and look for a different tool.

If a model is insufficient, it is defective.

>If you upload your mind into a machine, leaving all your genes behind, the programmed instincts and their byproducts, what would happen to your will and sensations?

>What would you lose?

Again, questions that come from uncertainty. You realize that it is theoretically possible to upload a mind into a machine. You are uncertain about how to apply muh-Ridley to this possibility, because, of course, the transition between human-man and machine-mind is a clear cut off for the billion-year old-story of genetics, and you would need more concepts than what you've indoctrinated yourself with, to address the idea.

>If the entirety of your will is pre-programmed by genes, you would lose everything in the process

So may be the entirety of your will is not pre-programmed by genes. Will is a complex, highly abstract process that involves a great deal more rulesets than what is set forth by genetics.

>you would need to pre-program codes to replicate some of those instincts that apply bias to your existence over non-existence.

That is possible, it is also possible that the machine-mind with its deeper access to its own software/hardware could reprogram itself on the go, and do just as well without pre-programmed blackbox code.

>deviating the main purpose of reproduction and stability of the genes is akin to creating a moral ground for objectivity and that is very, very nihilistic of you.

This is just nonsense. Genes drive pattern propagation on that layer, but genes did not always exist, and they will not always exist. Objective statement, by the way and not a drop of moralism.

>Turning to science is extremely self-destructive since you cannot give reason to life because life is ultimately irrational. You cannot support life without irrational arguments.

I am not turning to science. Science is not the only interesting high order pattern-matching I can be doing.

>>I just stumbled across your quote about life being ultimately about reproduction and sex

On the level of genes life really is about reproduction of sex. What is life anyway? A process that restricts matter into rearranging itself into progressively more complex shapes. Ultimately, life is a natural consequences of the particles of the universe favoring lower energy states, usually attained via bonding with another suitable particle. There is a rule set that restricts matter into behaving in a certain way, and this tendency is older than life. Point is, matter-energy interactions have existed before the genetic life, and they will exist after the genetic life. Humans are already experiencing much consternation with our genetic limitations, which is another nail for your hammer. If one alters his genes, even for the dumb reason of raising his odds of procreating, that is already a breach in the ancient and honed evolutionary process - the genes have been changed artificially! They've not been passed! Aliens have invaded and replaced them! Of course I would change my genes for a much better reason than that, if I could.

There is value in examining the extent to which our mind is defined by its hardware. It is a stupid, stupid mistake to assume that all of the mind is defined by its hardware. Prisoner I may be, but a prisoner can still pace out his cell.

Seeing as how access to the internet is widespread now, you should be able to find a countless amount of tutorials and guides on any hobby. The main issue is that most hobbies require money to get into. The stress of slowly improving yourself by repeating the hobby makes the activity more of a boring chore rather than a fulfilling and satisfying event.

Don't force yourself to have hobbies. It defeats the purpose of it. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Just live the hedonist dream and kill yourself when the pain is too much.

I'm 29. Mom and dad are almost 65. How do you deal with them getting older, weaker and dumber? They are NORPs, I know, the younger they were, the norpers. But some people are so in love with life it fills them with grace. It's like watching a pod of dolphins, they may be superfluous abominations of existence, but a part of me feels like carry something "right" with them. There's a LOT of shit going on in this world, but also good things happens and that's what fucks with my head.

It's easier when everything you see around is filled with negativity - with no exceptions. Sadness would cease to exist as there's no joy to validate it.

As for my parents, they created me, I failed everywhere. They don't give a fuck anymore and just want me to be happy, or at least not sad or depressed. They were good parents and tried their best to make me enjoy life as they do. Sometimes they succeeded, but in the end I am unsuitable just for the fact I'm honest about reality and see it for what it is, which automatically makes me malfunctioning.

Sometimes I wish my parents were shit, or at least not the only good thing in my life so I wouldn't be so attached them so much. I can't even kill myself now, what the fuck? I have to wait until their departure.

--

I stopped expecting anything different. It's hard, but you have to let go of the idea that "Come on, you could have done this." - I'm thinking of things like when they suddenly forget how to use the computer mouse, or remember something that didn't happen that paints you in a negative light.

You will get frustrated as their abilities collapse, and they'll probably blame you too because they're frustrated. "Why did I expect anything else?" becomes the questions I return to, I'm living in the past where it seemed obvious they could do these things. Or I over-anticipate their ability forgetting that they have lost it, it's easy in frustration to attribute it to them. "Why did I expect her to have kept the super important letters instead of throwing them away, you knew this was a possibility when she got them."

I feel like modern society as we know it is still mostly a stranger to and willfully blind towards the realities of death and aging. The percentage of old people in most countries has been low so far due to baby booms and improvements of medicine that resulted in huge population increases being not too distant, making elderly less of an issue now than they'll be in 10 or 20 years. Normies complaining about celebrity deaths getting more frequent is a manifestation of this. At some point it'll have to be acknowledged, and the Japanese have been worried about it for a very long time now. But in the western world I feel like there's more effort directed towards manipulating and taking advantage of old people rather than taking care of them in sensible ways.

Are any of you guys this way? Apart from brief periods in childhood, I've never desired companionship, and I've never felt lonely. This might sound depressing or weird on the surface, but in truth it's pretty nice. I can indulge in my hobbies whenever I'd like, with no ties to other people, and perfectly happy with that.

Of course I've [CENSORED BY THE ADMINISTRATIVE COMMITTEE FOR WIZARDLY PUBLISHING], but it was always in a romantic context.

What [REDACTED] wanted was a companion first and foremost, not a fuckhole, and my inability the associate the two together ultimately led to my perpetual virginity and loneliness.

As I age I still haven't come to grasp how sexuality and relationships work, I don't have friends and am distant and cold to even my parents.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm ill, it's over, and I plan to die alone.

Death is beautiful and why I hate the christian concept of afterlife.

Death is the only thing shared by all the creatures of earth, it is a form of divine justice, it will take the rich and the poor, the saint and the murderer, the human and the beast. It is beautiful, it is the only way to put an end to arrogance and oppression.

Hating death means hating justice and therefore if you believe in god you hate him, we should hate suffering not death for it is our ally, the ally of all wizards in first place whose virtue brings them to become antinatalist.

Recently I started to consider jesus christ as a demon, because not only he embraced suffering(and sacrifice) as a way of living but because he defeated death(in the gospel), he defeated the only way for god to make justice on earth(putting an end to all creatures). If you believe in an afterlife based on your previous existence you give meaning to life and not to death, you give meaning to useless sacrifice and suffering, you spread the suffering by giving it a new name. Christianity is really the cult of stupidity and unnecessary suffering, it is a menace for all wizards together with the rest of all semitic religions.

There could be no greater injustice than an everlasting life for man.

Suffering is a good thing. Through pain and suffering strength is formed. Adversity gives hope for the future. I know that not many wizards think that way, but I feek that they should. I personally value strength over all else in life, and the sole pathway to becoming the strongest man you can be is through overcoming battle after battle. To be able to take on all that might come your way, that I feel, is one of the most beautiful aspects of life one can experience. Death is by bad either, it's the true peace that can be attained after a life of adversity. Life itself is one constant fight. Some might accept it, and continue fighting forwards always trying to become stronger, and some might give up, becoming complacent with their weakness, seeking peace before their time, only to be met with greater suffering due to their weakness and unwillingness to change that. Everlasting life would be a bad thing, but just wanting to give up wouldn't be any better, in my opinion. To give up is inherently against the nature of all life, and doesn't show that you're some "ascetic, enlightened monk like figure", it just shows that you are weak.

Death when experienced consciously is the flowering of life, an ultimate orgasm. Christianity is anti-life. Dead religion from dead desert.

>No pain and fear -> fall of a cliff/get rekt by predators/burn in a fire/etc. -> no life

That's a heuristic approach to adapting to a hostile universe that life had to take because it wasn't intelligent. As intelligent beings we are able to both reduce the world's hostility and develop better approaches to adaptation than trial and error. Intelligence doesn't need pain and fear to calculate good decisions, weighting the outcomes is enough (pain and fear tend to fuck up the weighting by making perfectly reasonable choices seem far more threatening than they are).

>I wasn't denying that everyone dies, but the idea that you shouldn't strive for anything in life because of death is an inherent christian idea. The hatred of all that is earthly, purely because of the afterlife.

Many people throughout the ages have been thinking about the memento mori thing and reached similar conclusion. It's not inherently christian, and it's so pervasive because no one really has a decent counter argument to it.

What's the deal with bashing christians anyway? Your description makes them sound like a lazy doom cult, but real christian societies have been pretty productive.

Absolute Homelessness Survival

Here's what I already know, and I'm sure to miss a lot of things. I'm going to be starting from scratch and I will have no car and basically no money whatsoever, just my most durable jeans, shirts, hoodie, and jacket. The few scraps of money I already have, I intend to prioritize gym membership somewhere for storage and shower/hygiene, a P.O. box for an address, and then a public library for internet connection. I guess I could use a phone for that too, but since my current phone will be taken away I could only buy a shitty replacement phone on pre-paid or something with minimal internet access.

Like I said I have a bit of time to prepare, and I'm going to need a backpack for utilities and immediately-needed tools/food. Any recommendation for a solid cheap backpack?

Backpacks can be used as pillows if stuffed with paper so to me that seems like something essential. Right now I live in the suburbs and a car is needed to get anywhere, which I obviously don't have. Think I should use a taxi to at least get dropped off at the nearest city instead of wandering around aimlessly in the 'burbs?

From there I could also look for a church or something, and then find a local job that doesn't require a vehicle. Maybe a temp agency or just asking businesses to work there for the night just for a meal. I hear homeless shelters in the city aren't very good and that begging isn't very reliable. Some people say that hanging out near a University might help since I'm still an apprentice and can probably use their utilities undetected if I blend in.

I've been reading about this and the most valuable thing to people who don't have money is just street smarts, from knowing the local area for when businesses close to go dumpster diving, places to sleep like rooftops, and making sure to avoid other homeless people. Most of all is just having a plan on how to secure tomorrow using today's limited resources.

Maybe I'm over-analyzing being homeless before it happens to me but I'm scared shitless of getting eaten alive out there, probably by raccoons if my food attracts them. If you've even been homeless yourself please share some survival secrets, I want to know as much as possible what my fate brings

--

If I was ever forced into a situation like this I'd look for an elderly person living alone or an elderly couple that lives in a low traffic area, make sure they don't have much contacts, off him/her/them and live there for a while.

After a month or more depending on circumstances I'd take the collected money and whatever else I can find and burn the place together with the corpse(s).

I guess this sounds harsh and/or stupid, but if you are fucked you might as well fuck the world back little by little. Also some countries prisons are comfy, yours not so much I'm guessing, in case you get caught.

Alternatively steal enough for a plane ticket and mingle with the refugees somewhere in Europe.

--

I was homeless for a few days due to a housing gap.

It was absolutely horrible, more than I imagined and I had 3+ grande in my pocket, a nice jacket, backpack, phones with entertainment on them.

I hope you have been physically active. Walking too much will give you blisters, beware. Beware of rain, once you are wet, it is very hard to get dry again. Carrying a backback full of goodies is very annoying, there's a reason most homeless people switch to carts. No solution, it just sucks. Never a good place to sleep.

Some advice:

If you have family, now is the time to use them to the fullest extent if possible.

RELOCATE out of the south. Go to where the jobs are! A major east coast city, Houston or Bay area. These three areas where most investments are made. Do not fucking stay in the same shitty area that kept you unemployed. This is a major mistake that most people make! Most people do not want to leave their communities, it's a trap for humans.

Warehouse work, shoveling in winter, craigslist labor gigs. Look for jobs that will hire anybody.

It's easier to get a cheap van than regular housing. See if you qualify for low income housing as well, go on welfare if you can- food stamps. 7chan has a /jew/ board that might be worth reading.

Your main priority is to find a job, ANY JOB in the city. Go on indeed and apply for less desirable jobs (like a part time cleaning gig with only 15 hours a week or something, or a UPS package handler). If you manage to keep a income you can save money quickly not having to pay rent.

When I say break down I mean completely falure if essential components, that would cost FAR more then I paid for the van it's self to fix.

As in I had to junk the damn thing.

As in it was a total loss financially.

As in I was fucking stuck in the middle of nowhere for three days because of that bad decision.

If you are poor enough that you are homeless, you are probably too poor to properly mantain a van or do major repairs, unless you can do most of it yourself.

All I know is the next vehicle I plan on purchasing is a bicycle.

Can't live in it but it is way more affordable and has far less to worry about.

You shouldn't have driven it in the middle of nowhere, or really driven it anywhere much at all. It's just supposed to be a place to sleep off the streets and keep your stuff under lock and key in the CITY. The city eats I've learned. Buy a 900 dollar van and it breaks down in the city? Put it for junk sale at 2-3 hundred bucks and buy another shitty van. That should all be affordable if he's not paying rent and has a job.

I don't know, I don't have any experience like you do. Were you homeless and working when you lived in a van? Or just some stupid tourist with savings and no job?

Im getting an electric bicycle soon. Should be really fun! No laws, low cost! Bikes are amazing in the city I live in. I can't wait! But I guess that's a bit unrelated. I bought a scooter thinking it was the smart way to go, but I was wrong, bikes are the best transportation for poor people.

--

I'm a homeless person as well. Been "homeless" for several years now, and I've managed to make it quite comfortable.

I live in the US as well, I'm quite familiar with surviving here.

A simple question, do you want to stay homeless but make it higher quality? (Such as how I'm living) Or do you want to get a more stable life, where you will pretty much always have a roof over your head and money in your pocket.

Simply put, you can't get a comfortable life as a homeless individual without pushing into some moral gray areas, if that is a problem for you.

First thing I suggest is understanding and gathering the basics while you still have a roof over your head.

The basics being clothing, toiletries, sleeping stuff, and things pretty much related to that.

My suggestions in this category:

Get a variety of clothing that fits with the local weather, or where you plan to head. Keep an extra pair for the extreme weather, depending upon the location it can be for either hot or cold weather. If you're in the south, it'll probably be for the hotter weather. For me, I keep a pair of thicker, longsleeve/pants clothing for the cold weather.

For sleeping, I pretty much do it in my clothes, as a pillow I use a towel, a very useful thing to have.

For cleaning your clothing, you'll want to use water and baking soda. Purchase a good amount, as you may or may not go through it quickly. Baking soda can also be used as a deodorant, just get a small amount of the powder and rub it in your armpits.

After you have gotten the very basics, move up to the more quality items. Getting yourself a laptop is a must, if you have the cash and are willing to carry it around. Oh yes, on backpacks, I have 1 large hiking backpack and a dufflebag. I put all of my clothing into the dufflebag and keep the rest of my stuff in the backpack. If you keep your stuff minimal, you can fit it all into one. But I suggest having a bit more space to put stuff. Flashlights, a tarp, knives, laptop, some small pots/pan/foodstuffs, computer accessories, things to plug into the wall and other stuff. Pretty general things that I've collected from poking around.

The duffelbag can also be used as a pillow, but I found that using a towel was more comfortable because of the how high it was off the ground (rather stuffed).

So, now you got the basics sorted out, along with any other nice items. Where are you going to go, and how are you going to get there?

Now this is where things head into a less then legal area. I sleep in empty, for sale, houses. This is the highest quality of living you can get as a homeless individual, unless you are allowed to live with someone.

Most places I get into have running water and electricity, although there have been a few without one and/or the other. To get inside you'll need to learn how to pick locks, if you desire to go a more stealthy method. Worst comes to worst, breaking in is always an option but can land you into a lot of trouble. I prefer being quiet, stepping lightly, and moving my way around without people noticing me.

To find places just search online, look at when they were last sold/touched, and if they have pictures look through them for security. Look in the corners of the room for those little white boxes, motion detectors. I usually avoid any place that has these, but there is always a chance that they are not activated and you can stroll right by them.

I suggest having 4-5 places checked out, and then going over to them in the middle of the night 00:00-04:00, pick your way in, and check it out.

First thing I usually do is ask if anybody is inside, I don't want to be surprised by another individual who chose the same thing and get stabbed when I walk around a corner. Clear the rooms, have an escape plan, and leave a way to tell if someone went through the house while you were gone (such as closing a peice of cloth in a doorway). ALWAYS have a few backup places. If the owner ever comes back and catch you, you do not have to be there with your pants down and be sleeping outside for the next few days. I've slept outside and its not comfortable in any way. Plus very unsafe, having the possibility that you would be robbed.

So now you got lots of nice items, a place to live and charge your laptop (learn how to crack wifi, or have someone like me teach you), and a several future locations you can get into in a time of need.

Now, last but not least, FOOD and MONEY. For food (unless you have the money) I suggest shoplifting. Don't do large amounts, something small and unnoticeable (like fruits). Read up on shoplifting and start crafting some ideas/methods. Creativity is the key factor to survival as an individual is isn't a part of the system.

For getting money, and one of the best locations to be in, I suggest moving to a white and high-class area. More left-ist areas are a good choice in the USA. (Think westcoast). Here the people are quite trusting and nice, and also typically leave their car doors unlocked at night. Simply put just go around and try the handles. If its unlocked take a quick look through it and ONLY TAKE MONEY. We aren't trying to make a ripple here that will effect us poorly in the future. Stealing things such as GPS, jewelry, tools, etc will just make people secure their vehicles up and remove the option of checking theirs in the future. With money they'll probably thing they misplaced it or similar. This also goes for getting into houses, DO NOT MAKE A MESS and DO NOT DAMAGE ANYTHING. Keep it clean, keep yourself hidden. Once you leave the place it needs to look like how you left it.

Another way to get money is to go to a gym or swimming place. People will leave their stuff in possibly unlocked lockers so now you can go in and take some. Depending on what they have, I don't suggest taking all of it. just a little bit that they may not notice. (Unless you REALLY need the cash). Also, pickpocketing. Read up on it, watch some videos, and then practice. I suggest major events or busy places where people typically don't pay attention. Don't mess with their credit cards as that can get you into some serious trouble if caught. Just the money. What you do with it after you get the cash out is up to you. (You can always mess around with credit cards but don't expect much. After the owner finds out their wallet is missing there is a large chance that it will be deactivated).

You can also do jobs on craigslist for money, or going door to door and offering assistance to people for money (I could not do this), or do the normal homeless things. Such as playing music or performing tricks, simply sitting with a sign, or scamming people for cash, and generally anything that works. I don't suggest mugging, but if you are one of those people who have the means and the motivation… Personally I do not suggest it, lots of dangers and you also need to interact with people.

Just remember, avoid making ripples.

There are plenty of other ways to live, this is just my own typical lifestyle (although with parts redacted). If you got a car, it can be used in plenty of positive ways. There are far more options then what I've written here, its just a matter of being creative and lack of a moral standard.

Also, if you really need some help, email me and I'll try my best to advise you or anything else you need. Being homeless is a hard, unstable, life. But if you manage to make it work…

If you want to go back to wageslaving and having a proper place to live, I believe there are lots of places written up like that. Typically its: have an address (P.O. Box), have a cellphone people can call you on, and then search for work. You can even do this from your car. Then you get work, be as frugal as possible with your cash, and then eventually get a better job or a place to live which is inside your income range. Expect a lot of paperwork and everything grinding you down. I could not go back to such a life, but if you desire it enough then I wish you the best of luck. There is always something nice in knowing how much cash you'll be getting and the comfort of having a stable roof over your head. Both of which are not a part of the homeless lifestyle.

I can write up more on whatever specific thing you want, but this is just the most general advice I can provide.

--

In my personal experience of being on the streets it was never necessary to steal. No matter where I went there was always people giving out free food in one form or another. Even if freely given food was not plentiful in a perticular location, options like dumpster diving or working/begging for a meal are available whenever people are.

The only time that food really was ever a problem for me is when I was in the woods for a few days and didn't bring enough with me.

Clothing is pretty easy to come by too. Churches give it out for free pretty regularly and if you have a bit of extra money you can always go to thrift stores and the like the grab a item or two for super cheap. I would suggest having a small sewing kit and some fabric glue to do your own repairs and make clothes and other fabric items last longer though. Speaking of repairs a roll of duct tape can repair bags, tarps, tents, whatever, and make plenty of things too. I found it very useful so it's worth buying a roll of somewhat decent quality.

As for tech, actually started off with a really cheap tablet but broke then once I actually started getting money I got a cheaper, but more modern and better functioning smartphone with a data plan.

Might get a laptop one day but it is low on my list of priorities.

Besides, big ticket items put a target on your back. Still would be nice to have though.

Start looking into the Catholic Workers. They can help you with at least food, and if you're somebody who they can trust, you'll be able to carve out a relatively decent life for yourself. They're the chillest monastic types out there, and yes, they are in the south.

http://www.catholicworker.org/communities/directory.html

Really serious about the Catholic Workers. Every house has at least a soup kitchen attached, and the people who run them know damn near every handout in their city. They've got clothes, toiletries, food obviously, information, sometimes smokes, and always a person to listen. If you're really in a crisis, they might let you stay with them for a while. I've volunteered with them, and they're an amazing group. They can give you specific, on-the-ground information about the area, so that you won't have to rely on the generalized and not-local stuff that we can give you here.

I'm serious, you don't even have to be Catholic. We've helped out dudes who huff paint literally every day.

http://www.foodnotbombs.net/new_site/contacts.php

These guys are similar, but they've only got a soup kitchen, and they'll talk your ear off about their union if you stick around while you eat.

What you take on a journey depends on two things. How you plan on getting to your destination, and how comfortable you want to be on your way there. The important thing to remember is that traveling as a lifestyle isn’t much different than planning for a hiking trip in the woods. You’re just going to be gone for a much longer period of time. Now this list is going to be long and what you take is up to you. Personal preference will decide what gear is right for you based on how much you’re willing to carry. Weight is always an important factor to consider in the possibility that you'll be walking for 8+ hours. Something which has happened to me a few times when traveling from city to city.

Some of the best advice I have heard is that when it comes to deciding what to bring with you, gather up everything and then cut it in half. Really think about what you'll be dragging around. Even bringing an extra 20 pounds of gear can be a serious problem once you start heading long distance. It may not feel like much when you first put your backpack on, but expect every pound to count.

First off, Weather.

One of the largest concerns as someone without a large wardrobe. A possible option you can have is Migration. In the summer you move to the northern areas and in winter you move south. Simple enough, but if you decide to do this you need to research the weather in each area well. And also where you are traveling to.

Second, Clothing.

If you consider living in any area with colder weather, invest into Thermals. There are plenty of kinds of thermals available, most being warm, thin, and lightweight.

One of the most important pieces of clothing is socks. Buying some quality socks are an investment that will pay off if you decide not to live in a single location. If you invest into a good quality product you won't have to worry about it for a long period of time. And if you have a mini sewing kit you can patch up any holes that form. Another cold weather clothing you want is gloves, helps save your fingers. Having a hoodie is another great choice, or a simple hat.

Now for footwear, this is where you really want to focus on. If you go all out on anything go all out on this. Hiking shoes are always a good choice. Get something of good quality so that you can wear it for the next year and more.

On backpacks, a simple yet effective one is the Alice Pack. With or without frame. The one that I have (which I got for free) looks something like the attached picture. Very large when stuffed full. Having hip support on the backpack is very important if you decide to walk a lot, which is certainly a possibility. Even with the method I've written out above, some walking around with equipment will happen.

Third, Sleeping equipment.

For sleeping outside, you'll want to invest into a sleeping bag. If you decide to take my above advice and get yourself a slightly illegal roof over your head then you will have some nice space to spare. With sleeping bags do a lot of research and make sure to calculate the amount of space and weight that will be lost with it. The ultralight ones will go for 100+ dollars, hardly an easy purchase. Personally I would spend that on better shoes and just pack an extra towel. Also, if you do sleep outside, one thing that I have had the pleasure of acquiring was the Hennessy Hammock. One of the best choices if you sleep outside. Except that you will need some trees or something to attach it to. Tents are also an option, but that means a lot of weight and proper space needs to be found.

Fourth, Tools.

There are many tools to consider when traveling, one of the more important ones is a knife. For self-defense or an essential tool, the knife will be a dear friend in a lot of situations. Keep an eye on the laws, butterfly knives and switchblades are typically illegal stuff. Not having a knife sucks in just about any situation, from defending yourself from a psycho to making yourself a sandwich. I suggest investing in a good quality one, although not too expensive. Personal preference typically comes in here.

Another thing to consider is getting a multitool, something like a Leatherman. You get a lot of stuff out of these things, from a can opener to screw driver to scissor.

I also suggest carrying a lighter, sewing kit, flashlight, Sharpie, Pens, Duct Tape, maybe a compass (to help with traveling). Of course a Toothbrush, floss, whatever else. A roll of toilet paper, soap, chapstick, razor, pair of scissors, baking soda, small firstaid kit, maybe parachute chord, or other general things.

If you are willing to go an extra little bit, I suggest a cheap cellphone. Great to use to listen to music when you spend the entire night walking.

For cleaning clothes, if you do get yourself into a house, just fill up the sink with water and hand wash them.

Make sure to take a long look through all this stuff and adjust as necessary. If you decide to follow my previously written suggestions then a lot of it can be cut out and replaced. I'm assuming most people here are like me, wanting a solitary and more self-sustained (although parasitic) life. With stealing cash you can buy stuff. You can steal or buy food. If you can crack wifi you can sit in your own little corner of the world and not need to be around normals.

>Really think about what you'll be dragging around. Even bringing an extra 20 pounds of gear can be a serious problem once you start heading long distance.

Sentimental stuff can be a big issue, especially if you're former service, highly religious, or something similar. Limit yourself, and remember that some things can be sold or bartered. Also remember that pictures can be on a thumb-drive. Keep a few pics of family on paper though, it does help. Maria cards do as well, and you can sometimes just get those for free, from a priest.

>consider in the possibility that you'll be walking for 8+ hours

Socks can sometimes be more important than shoes, for this issue. If they develop holes, you can develop blisters, and that'll take you out of everything. If you can't move, you can't "hustle".

>if you decide to do this you need to research the weather in each area well. And also where you are traveling to.

An almanac can help you to get a general overview of what's supposed to be going on at any given day, in your generalized regional area. They should have some at the library, and you can make copies of the pages you need. Keep in mind, your generalized regional area. The Almanac companies do different ones for different regions.

>One of the most important pieces of clothing is socks

Cannot be said enough. Depending on where you're going, you might need to match the socks to the climate. Heavy boot socks in the winter is great, but what about summer, or humid/wet climates? And then what happens to the socks, while they're "dead weight"?

>Having a hoodie is another great choice, or a simple hat.

Remember that hoods up looks threatening to people with money. You don't want this. I usually wear a tan mesh "tactical cap" from condor, with a black and green USA flag patch on the front. But I'm former service, so I can pull it off. Can't go wrong with old glory, though. Never.

>If you go all out on anything go all out on this. (good shoes)

I've usually been homeless in a car, so this wasn't a huge issue for me, but I did hear this a lot out on the line.

>a simple yet effective one is the Alice Pack

This is true, but you will look like a homeless guy, if you're running around a city with one. The cops don't like what they consider to be "street people", although some of them do have a degree of empathy, if you're not drinking or drugging. Of course, it's hard not to, when you're fucking homeless. The frame does make a huge difference, by the way. Especially if you're trying to camp out and then make trips. If you do that, hide that camp, and I mean Army Ranger hide.

>Third, Sleeping equipment.

Nothing to add, aside from fuck the guys who let their ultralights sit in the closet, walk straight past you wrapped up in a sheet, and then go to choir practice like it's all good.

>For self-defense or an essential tool, the knife will be a dear friend in a lot of situations.

It's definitely an essential tool, but remember that knives can and do kill. Brandishing one might scare somebody off, definitely, but I'd personally stick with something like a baton. Just a personal thing.

>a multitool, something like a Leatherman.

Get two if you can, one scissor one, and another pliers one. Big or small is your own preference, and of course, it depends on what you're doing, and how much money you can spend. Depends on what you can find, too. Richer areas sometimes have these things in their thrift stores, but you have to be showered and shaved to even get in the door sometimes. If you can get somebody (from the church mission, maybe) to scout out and make the purchase for you, that might be an option. I say this because I've met people who have colon cancer, and shit themselves all the time. They can't even go to the thrift store to get a new pair of fucking underpants.

>maybe a compass (to help with traveling)

Definitely a compass, and learn to make one out of a cork and a needle, too. Sometimes, you won't be able to follow the roads. Cops will just hassle you, and fuck you over. Steal your shit, and just fuck it up right in front of you. It's not always like that, but in some areas, it is. This is the importance of information.

>I suggest a cheap cellphone. Great to use to listen to music when you spend the entire night walking.

They're a godsend for reading, as well. Learn the phone, and learn how to conserve the batteries. A lot of these newer ones have great batteries (and try to get a second battery, along with one of those battery backup charger guys) and can be set to power-save mode, for longer distances.

>For cleaning clothes, if you do get yourself into a house, just fill up the sink with water and hand wash them.

I used a 5 gallon bucket and one of those plungers that's all plastic, with the "whooshy whoosh" vacuum thing. Full plastic, no rubber, you know what I'm talking about. It just does it a little bit quicker. Still sucks shit every time though, and it's not like you can carry a goddamn bucket around with you everywhere. I've heard that fast food places and burger joints will give you a bucket for free, but I don't know that for sure. The plunger you'll just have to buy, unless you're a fucking hardman who doesn't care about having slightly shitty clothes.

>The problem I find with this suggestion is the need to talk and interact with other people.

The core thing that these organizations provide is information. Where are the cops patrolling these days? What are the safest spots? Where's the handout? Where are the dogs? That sort of thing.

I found homelessness to be far more stressful and mind-numbing than working even the shittiest dish washing job. I made it 2 months and just didn't have the energy for it anymore, given that severe depression is what led me to it initially. Having survival mode enabled on top of that is a recipe for certain suicide or outright becoming a criminal. I was lucky to get out of it without being arrested with some of the shit that I did. I gave in and went back to wageslavery.

The primary issue that burdened me was sleep. Very difficult to find a spot where you're not in a constant state of stress about being discovered. Perpetual sleep deprivation results and your mind starts to rapidly deteriorate more than you could have foreseen. Slept on a sidewalk one night because I just couldn't stay awake. I started to steal alcohol and rely on it to sleep most nights. Maybe there was an easier approach, but my mind was in such a shit state at the time that I couldn't be bothered to think anymore. Dark corner in some empty building at 1 in the morning? Collapse there. Empty lecture hall at the university? Line up a few chairs and call it a night.

Food is actually one of the easiest things to take care of, though. It's exceedingly easy to steal from grocery stores and hotel breakfasts. Just take shit and walk out the front door; no one will notice or care. The sleep deprivation coupled with sense of survival will make you forget about morality or completely warp your current framework. Also, you can get food stamps immediately if you just say that you're homeless. I was near a university and would spend entire days going from building to building robbing the break rooms of food, coffee, and money. I had a "base" building where I would stockpile all of my findings in lockers. This was also where I kept other miscellaneous shit like cooking supplies, supplements, and clothes.

Internet access is also easy. Every starbucks, library, and hipster coffee shop offers free WiFi. I would recommend getting some cheap laptop or phone before attempting homelessness. It will help retain some sense of sanity. Also, get a bike. I think having a car would have lessened the blow of that whole experience, but I had no money to my name. Maybe a tent would be nice, but I feel that would be even more stressful to find a spot unless you join some homeless base somewhere. Constantly having to build it and take it down every night and morning, can't do it.

Finding a place where you won't get bothered is hard. It is almost never comfortably when you do find a spot. Even then you still have to stay alert to danger or theft.

But what kicked my ass the most was sudden turns of weather when I was too tired and exposed to do much about it. It took me months to get over being paranoid about rain after I got caught in a winter rain storm. The temp dropped immediately after and I nearly froze to death. Soaked a bunch of my gear, made me ditch most of my cotton clothing(it wouldn't dry), and ruined my navigation stuff(I was traveling by hitchhiking at the time).

If I had to be on the street again I would get a backpacker's tent and stick mostly to the country or camp sites.

At least then I could get a good night's sleep.

Want to know why there aren't any homeless in certain states and cities?

When you go to a homeless shelter, they wake all of the homeless up at 2AM and load them on to buses. Stay on the street, they just snatch you when you least expect it. Where they go depends on the present circumstances. Sometimes they're sent abandoned hospitals, where the healthier specimens are killed for their organs, the rest are used in science experiments. Think such places don't exist?

https://youtu.be/8_J2bAMjsrc?t=22m

Other times, they're sent to adrenochrome harvesting facilities underground. The USAF used nuclear powered drills to create giant network of giant underground tunnels and even city-sized bunkers. Some of the bunkers have tens of thousands of victims in them chained to torture racks where they're continually terrorized into states of intense fear and pain and the adrenochrome is extracted from their blood. Once they approach their "expiry date", they're harvested for their pineal glands to get the DMT. These are turned into purified drugs for the elite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G70rAE8_IGc

I'm becoming what here in the "South" we call hippie traveler. I'm learning to make some jewelry, then I sit on the streets and start a somewhat proactive selling. There is also a little of music busking and street signal juggling. When it is boring I go another city.

Since food and essentials of life are easy acquired begging at restaurants or social assistence houses, I spend very little money. Most of those hippies spend a large amount of money in weed, but I don't do drugs.

There is a documentary about this life. No english.

youtube.com/watch?v=E2xYfyEANMw

Hippies are always travelling so they always carry a huge backpack. Well, when they move between towns, they don't just take it anywhere obviously.

It is a bit cumbersome carrying all their stuff, but it's their means of sustaining. One can keep it relatively compact, say in about 1 meter cube. A shoebox for thread, a flatter box for rocks and another box for their finished products.

As for the thing for hanging their crafts, it's made of plastic tubes and a cloth, easy to assemble and disassemble.

That much can perfectly fit the upper half of the backpack while in the bottom they can keep their clothes, towel, and some details. The sleeping bag usually goes at the top of the backpack.

Yes it's heavy, but that's how they live.

>Selling shit without a permit will get you hassled

It is the same here, but they still keep doing it anyway. Sometimes the fiscalization appears and take their crafts and they just make it again. Because it isn't a question about of how much money they make, but who they are.

The guy that teached me how to hitchhike is from USA and said that is ilegal to do that on motorways, but he do it anyway because the cars are there. Train hopping is ilegal, but there is a train hopping internet community.

Nowdays things are changing because a documentary showed the repression that the street craftsman suffer and humans right lawyers made that the municipality of a great capital couldn't destroy their crafts or means of survival (sleeping bag, clothes). This send a shockwave and a signal to other municipalities that could endure the same legal process.

Inventory and supplies are easy. Anything from a van to a bicycle with a trailer can haul tons of shit. Rent may be expensive, but storing tons of stuff in a storage facility is cheap as balls. You could easily run a business physically. It's the red tape that gets you I assume. I have no idea though, I've heard of and been to open markets and crafts fairs where anyone may sell their goods Z(it was p depressing and low key but some lezzies were almost making a living selling vegan soap, so maybe not the worst idea).

I kind of want to look into starting a business. How hard could it be to make more than minimum wage? I feel like I could sell or flip anything, but I'm afraid to invest and create a failure.

Be a traveler.

There is no money difference between be a homeless traveler and a local homeless. To tell the truth, I spend less money then most homeless that I know because I don't have drug adiction.

Are you North American? Read this blog, do what this guy do. Be a traveler.

http://www.hobolifestyle.com/2017/03/spending-and-making-money-during.html

I recommend sleeping on cemeteries or next to churches. Nobody goes there at night and if they do there's hoping they won't smash your head while God is watching.

Cemeteries tend to kick people out after a certain hour and many of the better ones have groundskeepers and security. This is because sometimes teenagers hang out at certain cemeteries for various dumb reasons either to get drunk or be edgy or break things. Sleeping behind the church on days where activities aren't going on isn't a bad idea though as long as you don't decide the set up camp there and wear out your welcome. But I've done it a few times when I was in the middle of traveling and just couldn't find anywhere else that wasn't out in the open to lay down for the night. Just remember you're a guest there and use the whole leave no Trace philosophy and you shouldn't have too much of a problem. Though like any other place out in the open you have you do run the risk of being asked to move and being hassled. I would consider it only a backup plan of a backup plan. I personally prefer the back of abandoned stores and gas stations as a back-up plan.

I've been homeless it sucks balls. There is no "comfy homelessness." It's worse than your worst day of employment.

Go drive an uber, 4 hours a day, make $200. Do that 4-5 days a week and you have enough to live luxuriously.

Yes I know it's hard. Be brave.

It's better than being wet, cold and hungry.

If worse comes to worse, look for some homeless outreach and get shelter ASAP. There's programs out there to get you into free housing.

Section 8, food stamps, public assistance.

Even then you should still work a little to fill in the gaps of what you need, like internet, a phone, booze, netflix, etc etc. Odds and Ends.

There's a lot of bored middle class kids here who like to romanticize homelessness either as a pipe dream or to ruin lives of other like minded but gullibe ones. They basically watch a youtube video and think "Wow! I bet I can do that too!" and then spend 3000$ on "supa handy toolz to survive as da hobo" then get bored of it in a week.

This shit happened to me. I was hobo for +3 months but then return to breeder's house. I don't know if I will travel again because I saw new oportunits to exploit my breeder.

However what I learned as hobo payed the equipament. Nowdays I need very little to live and almost don't spend money in virtue of road lessons. I also have a good bug-out-bag if SHTF and need again to be homeless. And if I ever want to travel again I know how to do it in vagabond style.

I am a NEET with a small income. I will only travel if I stay most of my time compulsive browsing chans and playing games. Then I will hit the road to cure this compulsive behaviour. I didn't like to travel to a place, but I did like being on the road, sleeping in gas stations with wifi, asking for food, hitchhiking and sleeping in a sleeping bag. Next time I won't even enter the cities, I will be always on the road. I regret nothing, best money I ever expend.

Observing cattle

>join some """"gaming"""" discord

>discussion isnt even about games but more about their life in a bragblog style

>talk is about going on vacation to spain or someshit and "i saw a hot ass thottie" or "i did so many drugs duude" "got so fucking drunkkk"

>followed by "damn going back to school soon" or "i took 2 weeks off work and gotta go back fuuck"

How the fuck can normies convince themselves they are "living da life" and "being themself" when they are all doing the same boring shit. How do they condition themself to work all their for 2 weeks off a year or someshit? Go to college for what? To do some boring shit once a year? Its like watching apes at the zoo at this point.

>How the fuck can normies convince themselves they are "living da life"

It is their neverending pursuit of status in the normalfag hierarchy. Money enables you to spend it.

Spending money brings things to brag about on faceberg ayo people, check out my vacation pics and the fancy foods I eat in restaurants or the fancy car I drive

they believe that chasing these things will enhance their standing in this hierarchy.

they get a reward from spending money. the work does not look so horrible for them.

some people can't save enough to quit sooner. they have nothing else to do besides drinking and playing video or similar, not "whole consuming" activities.

college is interesting on its own. they have no problem with going to school and talking and all that.

yes, some people do what they learned to do: spend money on toys.

>How the fuck can normies convince themselves they are "living da life" and "being themself"

honestly, deep down, i think they hate it just as much as anybody else. they just do a better job of suppressing that hate. except for the truly delusional types that find some sort of sick gratification from shitty work or school, that is.

i honestly dont think they even truly hate us because we're not contributing to society, or we're lazy, or whatever. that's what they say, of course, but really, they're just envious and hate that we don't suffer like them. i've outright had a few admit that to me before.

Just finished applying for the dayshift supervisor position at my job. I'm currently on evening shift and while I love my crew and the hours, I hate my current boss and the night supervisors I have to deal with even more, even if it means more work with slightly less pay (lose my deferential).

Still, if I get the job at least some kind of change will be better than nothing. I'm just so depressed at my current job and having the new boss getting on my ass for little shit just because his fucking BFF coworker is busy trying to get all the employees in trouble since she thinks she's the fucking boss just because she's best friends with him.

fuck. it sucks when you're a useless sack of shit with no one to turn to and can't expect help from anyone, especially not what is left of my family. I just wish I knew what I was meant for, what I was good for instead of wasting my life taking care of crazy people at a hospital

Last night I was awake all night finishing a book downloaded from Library Genesis, and started another one called Seven Myths About the Crusades at 6 AM before going to sleep. I woke up at 5 in the afternoon feeling like shit, and will try and get to bed at a decent time tonight and not stay awake until sunrise. My general health has been declining, but I think if I can fix my sleep schedule, I might be able to slowly improve my energy level and getting more reading done.

>extreme OCD and hypochondria with food

>cannot touch food with hands for any reason

>food cannot touch the air with any reasonable suspicion that the air is dirty and contains pollutants i could ingest from the foods surface

>food has to easily go from opening to inside of my mouth without touching anything but the inside of the packaging and my mouth

>cannot eat food until i perform inhale/exhale exercises to rid my body of the toxins and pollutants from the air that I breathed in while leaving my room to buy the food

>think it will somehow make me bad or lower my intelligence if i do not follow this

i've got mild to moderate ocd, reading posts like these it makes me wonder how you can go through life without killing yourself. i feel your best bet would be living by yourself where you can routinize your impulses so you spend less energy on the stress of it (no outside influences to deal with).

how much do pollutants/dust bother you aside from when you;re eating?

listen to me very carefully

I fucking mean it

exposure therapy

I also have very severe OCD

I spent 99% of my life suffering terribly from it

I was referred to a very experienced psychologist who specializes in OCD, trauma and exposure therapy after years of being misdiagnosed and going through shit therapy

we did it for 8 months

those 8 months were hell on fucking earth for me, but I never missed a session.

I did all of my fucking homework, I did absolutely everything that my psychologist asked for and recommended and holy fucking shit dude

the intrusive thoughts and the accompanying compulsions have been reduced to almost nothing.

I still get the thoughts, every day, all throughout the day, but they've been minimized to be a non-issue. They're just thoughts. They don't have control over me anymore. I have control over my own mind. I'm the one that's in charge. I don't have to do stupid rituals to feel okay. I don't feel compelled to do these horrible things to live.

I cannot fucking stress enough how much my life has changed. I've had the concentration and mental capacity to hold a decent job. I'm no longer so frustrated and angry and distracted that I can't have a healthy relationship. I can have sex. I don't want to hurt people. I can enjoy movies, going outside, driving, fucking sitting at home alone and doing nothing. Everything.

I consider the air I am near when resting(my bedroom with my bed and computer) to be the air that I am used to. I go days without leaving it because of my anxiety and OCD.

The pollutants when going out to buy food at the store, the weird smells in the store, the exhaust fumes from the traffic, all cannot be safe and I do these exercises when I come home and finish placing the food in my room

>wash hands 3-4 times, twice up to elbow, last times just up to wrist with hot water

>go up to bedroom trying to not touch anything with at least one hand to keep it clean

>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through both nostrils

>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through left nostril, holding the other closed

>inhale in bedroom, exhale outside bedroom door through right nostril, holding the other closed

>blow around mouth for any particulates or pollutants that came out of nose or stayed on my face from going outside

>repeat this at least 3 times

>put face in front of air conditioner as some kind of change of temperature, breathe out and in a few times

>re-do the inhale/exhale/mouth routine, 3 times, same as before

>gargle water 3 times, over 1 minute each time

>hawk out any snot or anything in my mouth that could have collected pollutants from outside air, 3 times

I have to do that every time i leave the house. even just opening the bottle of water to gargle water, I have to blow on the sides of the cap to make sure there are no pollutants/particulates, the blow on my hand/wave my hand for the same reason, then open it carefully to make sure my hand doesn't touch the nozzle.

Just the breathing exercises take 15 minutes or so of constant strong inhaling and exhaling. It is extremely uncomfortable.

>first worlders who carefully isolate themselves from everything including dust get allergies and diseases by the dozen

>balkan kids playing in the mud drinking rainwater puddles for fun don't even know what allergies are and get a cold once every 4 years

Really ought to make you think that not only are you being fucking retarded but you're being counter productively retarded. Your immune system can't be strong if you never test it, same way as your muscles will only weaken if you never do fucking anything. Dipshit.

i feel the same way op it's made my life a living hell except with me it's repeating certain phrases over and over and it starts to make me go crazy and that stems probably from me being very ocd about touching anything no matter what it is i can't touch anything because i think worms or parasites are on it and honestly i wasn't like this back in highschool don't know what happened but it happened

>don't want to wageslave 5 days a week

>can't get NEETbux

>have a huge gap on resume

>family mad at me for not doing anything

>really bored

>write dumb message to girl I don't intend to send

>thumb slips and hits the send button

How do you think a girl I haven't spoken to in months will react to me telling her to "give me the succ"

definitely. I think it's pretty funny. You have to wait until she replies one time. That way you use it as a defuser and never have to reply again. if you send it now it will just make you seem weirder and you will feel obligated to think of someother dum shit when she inevitably replies "wut?"